Dear Un-born baby.

[Bogeyface]

Your daddy and I are thrilled that your movements are now very regular and distinct. However, we do have a couple of issues that we thought we should bring up now, to save any problems later.

1. That round squashy thing that you have been using as a trampoline is called a BLADDER. It holds Mummys wee before she goes to the toilet and when you bounce up and down on it, it hurts and makes me feel very uncomfortable. Could you do your bouncing after Mummy has been to the loo please?!

2. 3 am is sleepy time, not play time! And certainly not bladder-trampolining time. Get this one right now, and we will get on like a house on fire after you are born, as it will be sleepy time at 3 am then too.

3. The whole chocolate thing. You should know that I really dont like it. I have never eaten it in any great amount so would you mind easing back on the demand for 2 Wispa bars daily? My bum is looking bigger than my bump!

4. Coca Cola - cans of, 2 per day. See above.

Other than that, welcome to the family and we cant wait to meet you!

Love from Mummy xxx

Ooops! Yes plain awkward then :( At least though, wedged like that, you don't have the worry of water going and prolapsed cord, cos wedged like that there is no way the cord would be trapped.

They gave up on trying to see the heart properly on mine. Said they wouldn't be able to see it any better, but I would have thought, if and its a big if, it moves, then surely as it gets bigger it gets easier.

Its just a good job they can't read yet....don't want your's giving mine idea's lol.

Ha ha brilliant!

Dear Baby,

1. It's been lovely to see your movements, but it is time to slow them down as mummy's stretch marks are making her sad.

2. Lift-Off is in 2 weeks and counting. Mummy will love you a lot more if you would make it sooner rather than later.

3. Please also ensure that exit happens at a time more convenient to mummy and daddy than 3am like your eldest sibling. Don't forget we have to somehow organise for your sisters to go somewhere to be looked after as well.

4. If you could shift down a bit too, so that you're not constantly sitting on mummy's stomach and lungs making her incapable of eating or breathing - both quite necessary functions for a happy mummy.

5. You seem to be sending big loads of hormones round mummy's body. Both mummy and daddy are getting a bit sick of mummy being Groucho Marx-Mummy so please stop that now.

6. If you are going to continue trampolining on mummy's bladder, can you at least wait until it's full so she doesn't have to lug herself out of bed at 4am and trudge all the way to the loo for The Most Pathetic Amount of Wee of All Time.

Your assistance in all of the above would be greatly appreciated.

We look forward to meeting you (and naming you - please make sure you look like one of our shortlist names immediately upon birth).

Thank you,

Mummy, Daddy and your very over-excited Sisters xxx

Dear Baby Boy J

1. I'm plesed you like Glee - but maybe it's about time to stop kicking my bladder every time I watch it so that i have to press pause every ten mins to get up for a wee.

2. Please hold off til your daddy makes it to Devon - and ideally hold off til 1st Feb as i've decided that's a fab day to be born.

3. Please just pop out when you are ready and don't make me hang around the labour ward for 30+ hours!

4. Not sure when you are planning to get in the right position - but please make sure you do as I'm scared of having a c-section - and don't think your dad would appreciate the blood either!

5. I know you've got long legs - but try your best to squeeze into some of the 0-3 month outfits i've bought you at least once before you grow too big? Especially the cute one with the Roo on the front?

6. Lastly, promise that no matter how much everyone loves you - you'll always make time for a special "mummy" cuddle whenever I want one - as I'm the one who's carried you around for 9 months and had the morning sickness, and the stretchmarks and the lack of sleep (already!) and not been able to take any drugs when I've been the illest I've ever been in my life. though i'm not complaining and wouldn't swap you for a million chocolate oranges!

See you on the 1st Mummy x x x

i love this thread i went 2 weeks over with dd and it was the longest 2 weeks ever but i wouldnt change it for the world having her to myself secret sing songs and night time chats, i must be mad x

Dear baby

1. Night-time is time for sleeps, as much as your hiccups are very cute, you need your rest too.

1. Daddy is not target practice, nor is the quilt, or the laptop - please chill a bit and ease up on the Hong-Kong Phooey impressions.

1. How do you feel about the 27th? Good for you? I would recommend it as your arrival date as your useless auntie is more likely to remember your birthday if you gatecrash hers than if you gatecrash Mummy's 3 days later.

Lastly, any chance you could try coming out of the exit rather than Mummy's tummy button? That hurts Mummy and makes your Dad wonder what on the earth's going on.

Can't wait to meet you,
Mummy xxxx

But, dear original mummy,

you do know that a full bladder is much more fun to jump on than an empty one? I mean, it bounces better. I am allowed some fun as well .

Sorry, couldn't resist it .

Dear Baby,

1. I'm so terribly excited but at the same time the nausea you are giving me is driving me up the wall! Could you perhaps turn it down a little so I can at the very least get some proper sleep? Thank you.

1. You, little one, are giving me a lot of wind. Now I don't really mind, but sometimes there is so much of it, mummy ends up in a bit of pain! Would you be kind enough to stop scaring me silly?

1. I wish you the best whilst you are growing and taking over my tummy. I hope you will be healthy, mummy is trying her best!

Love,
Mummy.