Husband not facing reality of baby's arrival!

[cocoachannel]

Disclaimer: my husband is very excited about our baby's arrival and has been supportive emotionally and practically throughout my pregnancy, but...

I am worried he has no true concept of what's about to hit us!

For example, he often mentions nights out, going off to sporting events together, etc. with the addendum, 'my parents [who live about five mins from us] will babysit and that all this will happen only once I am able to express as hoping to bf.

He doesn't seems to realise;

• they may not want to provide so much babysitting
• we will be knackered
• we may not want to go out so much
• we may actually want to spend time with DC ourselves!
• the expressing bm thing may not be as straightforward as all that

I've tried to explain this to him, and he's keenly been reading Mark Woods' book on fatherhood but he seems to be oblivious to reality!

Has anyone experienced this. Any top tips or is it just a case of letting reality bite!?

I don't think any of us realty get it until the baby arrives. I thought I knew what I was in for and it was so much more!

Dont worry he will soon grasp if once the baby arrives. It is just so unreal to him at the moment.

Bless him! It is good that he is positive about going out and about, but for the first few months it goes something like this:

YOu both talk about going somewhere and start to make motions towards coats/shoes/carseat. Husband gets shoes/coat on.

You both realise that baby needs feeding before you go.

Baby feeds for 20 minutes, but begins crying as soon as he stops drinking milk. Feed him for a further 5 minutes.

Baby crying because the burp is stuck.

Husband burps baby and milk posset goes on his coat as he has forgot to use the muslin.

You both hear a distinctive rumble and soon a sinister yellow stain is spreading on the side of your baby's lovely outfit.

Husband goes off to completely change the baby's nappy and clothes.

You get your coat on.

You realise that the weather is cold/damp and spend five minutes hunting down the right snowsuit/blankets/raincover etc. Check the contents of the changing bag.

Husband brings back baby and goes off to change his own coat.

You get baby into the snowsuit, pram, blanket and raincover and, 45 minutes later, finally leave the house.

I think all men are like this (DP is still unrealistic about many child related things and dd1 is 6). However, on the plus side his (misguided) optimism has meant we have done loads of stuff that I would have initially discounted. Don't sweat it, you'll find your own way around it all, Exciting times!

Thank you all! x

Cocoa I have one that is similar, I just smile now at things he says and think to myself I bet you don't say the same in 6 weeks! Wiggle bought him the blokes guide to babies by Jon smith so is happily reading through that at the moment, only time will tell if he has taken anything on board!

I'm glad my OH is overly optimistic about life with a baby as 2 of us worrying how we will cope would be unhelpful. My OH is convinced it is all going to be easy and we'll manage fine even though we are over 250 mile from our closest family member so we are very much going it alone. He keeps me sane though and stops me over worrying. I left out an article in Pregnancy and Birth which was a dad to be special with he hope that he would read it. He did and commented on my not so subtle hint that I wanted him to read it - I left it open over his keyboard :)

I am sure he will be a great father and a wonderfully supportive husband to a new mother, if I hadn't have believed this I would not have considered ttc with him. Sure your DP is the same and both of your traits compliment each other. I would just make sure he doesn't book any of the tickets for these events now.

Don't worry about it yet.

We did go out quite a lot when DD (PFB) was tiny - we left her at DH's parents. Although I took around a bottle of frozen EBM she never needed it as was happy to settle at 7pm from birth, and only needed next feed at around 10.30pm. I think I might have just left a bottle of EBM, ready with teat etc in their freezer just in case.

We had a flat car seat which could be lifted out of car so that make things easy, would settle her in car seat and then drive to theirs and unload car seat and then go out.

With DC2 and Dc3 we knew lots of babysitters so also went out when they were tiny. Not as much though as DC1 (DD).

My DH had never even held a baby until our niece was born in September and we have only seen her twice as she lives hundreds of miles away, so I don't expect him to have very realistic expectations of what being a dad is going to be like. He sounds a lot like the OP's DH, and has booked us tickets to see bands at the beginning of July (baby is due 1st May) and seemed surprised when I said that might not be possible. I still think he will be a great dad though when the time comes and he will adapt. I have more of an idea what we are letting ourselves in for as I have grown up with younger siblings and work with babies and small children, but I still don't think I have a real idea what it will be like.