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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Feeling a bit upset at reaction to news we're expecting DC3

28 replies

littlemisslozza · 01/01/2011 20:33

We're expecting our third (and most likely final)DC, planned incidentally. Am about 8 weeks pg and telling close family and a few friends as we have before. The reaction from my family has been great, they knew we always wanted three anyway and are all very excited.

MIL however, said "is that a good idea?" I have a great relationship with my in-laws so I feel quite upset that MIL couldn't keep her opinion to herself. FIL seemed pleased though. MIL considers anything above two children as a large family and is quite negative about people with more so I don't know why I am surprised really.

Anyone else experienced this and have any suggestions on how to deal with it? Ignore??? Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

IAmReallyFabNow · 01/01/2011 20:34

Yes, we had this. Just ignore ignore ignore.

Original poster

littlemisslozza · 01/01/2011 20:37

Thanks reallyfab. Once baby arrived was it all forgotten and baby welcomed? I think that's what will happen here, although I will have no sympathy when tired I suppose!

OP posts:

NonnoMum · 01/01/2011 20:39

Just celebrate and enjoy your pregnancy. My Pils were v surprised we went on to have No 2 (which I thought was v odd as had had 3 themselves).
They weren't so bothered about No 3.
Wonder what the reaction will be if we have No 4?

IAmReallyFabNow · 01/01/2011 20:42

It was my MIL and I have no choice but to try and forget about it.

faverolles · 01/01/2011 21:37

I was in exactly the same boat as you. When we announced that dc3 was on the way (after a boy and a girl), mil's reaction was a cats bum mouth, a big sniff and a "well, you got what you wanted then" to me!
She barely spoke to me throughout the pregnancy, because obviously it was all my fault.
As soon as he'd been born, all was forgotten, she loved him to bits and was a fantastic mil and grandmother.
I do wonder what her reaction would have been had she been alive to see we were going to have another. I like to think she would have been happy for us :)

GeorgeWBush · 01/01/2011 21:47

ignore.

My mum was horrid when I announced my third pregnancy. She adores DD2 now.

Congratulations. 3 is great.

mamacorner · 01/01/2011 22:43

My MIL, who I get on really well with, reacted to news of our 3rd, with a poker face and "Well, if it's what you both want!" We already have a DD and a DS ,and there will be a big age gap (10years), so I don't think it fitted with her perfect family image! It made me pretty angry as well as upset.
However I'm now 34 weeks and she's come round, has even knitted a couple of cardies for baby.
I'm sure your MIL will love the news once she sees how much you want and love your No 3.

onepieceoflollipop · 01/01/2011 22:47

Congratulations, I would have loved 3 or even 4 (sadly it was not to be)

When we announced (much longed for) dd2, mil did the cat's bum face and told us it wasn't our turn.

Dh's brother and his wife had been trying unsuccessfully for ages and their dc1 was much older than ours.

MrsShrekTheThird · 01/01/2011 22:57

yep, ignore. We got similar when we eventually told them we were having dc3, we were delighted, I'm the youngest of three so my parents couldn't very well criticise but the comments from some quarters were a bit unnecessary. A 'friend' offered to get our telly fixed as he said it must be broken...

Northernlebkuchen · 01/01/2011 23:01

We got a couple of comments like this - I ignored them!

LadyintheRadiator · 01/01/2011 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 01/01/2011 23:27

Ignore.
MIL asked me if I was "horrified" to discover I was expecting DC4.
She's a good MIL in lots of ways, but very stuck in her ways.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 02/01/2011 01:59

Congratulations on DC3 :)

We got this from my FIL - he knew we wanted 4 and he strongly advised against it, saying we had 3 happy, healthy children why risk a 4th etc. (This from a father of 6!!!)

I also had comments from people I know less well - telling me horror stories about their friends' relationships falling apart when they had their 4th etc.

We ignored them though it was hard. People just say things for the sake of it sometimes I think.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 02/01/2011 02:01

MrsShrek 'A 'friend' offered to get our telly fixed as he said it must be broken...'

Your 'friend' is perhaps our next door neighbour? :) Last time he said it, I told him wasn't broken, it had happened during the ad break!!

secretskillrelationships · 02/01/2011 02:05

My mum's take to me announcing my pregnancy with number 3 was something along the lines of she'd told all her friends we'd finished our family First I'd heard of it, she'd never even discussed it with me. That said, she does love him to bits now he's here.

CheerfulYank · 02/01/2011 02:18

I agree with the just ignore advice. My mother said "I'll have to call you back," and hung up the phone when I told her I was expecting DS. (And he's our first!) She can't get enough of him now.

MrsShrekTheThird · 02/01/2011 02:25

pmsl thereisalight
ya never know, we may be neighbours! wish I'd been as quick as you with the ad break answer - inspired!!

confuddledDOTcom · 02/01/2011 02:30

We did but it was more because people are concerned about my health as pregnancy isn't good for me. I think people will be happier for us when we have a baby safely earthside.

Original poster

littlemisslozza · 02/01/2011 08:42

Thanks everyone, can't believe your MIL told her friends that secret! How presumptious!
Good to know it's not uncommon but that others have also had horrible comments. Plenty of people to be excited about this little one (including his or her two big brothers!) and I'm pretty sure MIL will forget her silliness once a real live baby is here.

OP posts:

serendipity16 · 02/01/2011 09:43

I've had those kinda comments from my MIL & my own mum.

My mum said 'I wish you wouldn't tell me your pregnant, can't you just tell me when the baby arrives'.

MIL - Her reaction for my last few pregnancies has been.... 'Oh' and 'Do you really think thats a good idea'.

Both of them find it stressful apparently as i've had a stillborn baby & 2 abruptions. Whilst i know it is a little stressful, what has happened has happened to ME.... not them. I just wish their reactions to my news would be nicer.

SIL - I had 4 years of TTC our 6th baby, 4 miscarriages & an ectopic. After i opened up & told her how upset i was at the miscarriages (this was before the ectopic) she sent me a pm on facebook telling me i was selfish for TTC another baby. I was selfish as i could die & leave her brother with all the kids. I wasn't forcing my husband into having sex or ttc but i was selfish even ttc. After the ectopic whilst still in hospital she sent me a text saying 'well at least you have kids, some women have none' ...... i broke down & cried when i read that.

niamh29 · 02/01/2011 09:53

I got it loads when I was announcing DD3 and it made me dread telling people, everyone kept saying "oh you'll have your hands full won't you?" well, duh!! It was planned, we had thought about it! Try not to let other you down, soon enough they'll all get used to the idea and be happy for you again!

juneau · 02/01/2011 10:00

My in-laws were totally negative when we told them we were expecting #1. They showed no interest throughout my pregnancy, but were all over our son when he was born - wanting to take millions of pictures all without me in them - just them and my husband. Fortunately, the situation improved with time. My own family were delighted and 100% supportive.

In March 2010 we announced that I was pregnant again and my mother was v. negative because we'd just moved continents, living in small rented house, she didn't think the timing was good. Then I miscarried at 8 weeks and she was great.

We started trying again soon after, but both my mother and sister were quite disapproving and clearly still thought the timing wasn't ideal (when is it ever????). But when we announced that I'm pregnant again they both appeared to be pleased. The in-laws are now an ocean away and they've kept their lips buttoned, so God knows what they think, but I really don't care!

LargeGlassofRed · 02/01/2011 10:01

Yep had this loads with number three, although as number 4 was twins it was the opposite,
it was like I was having a first born again!

StickThemWithThePointyEnd · 02/01/2011 10:36

ignore.
had this from FIL - his reaction was "what the F are you doing?". the age gap between his daughter's two kids is less than ours, and neither her nor her hubby have secure jobs, but we're the ones who are doing something wrong. yeah right.

since then, he's not even acknowledged the fact I am pregnant in the few times we've seen him, and if his girlfriend hadn't asked when I'm due he wouldn't have a clue.
shrug and move on, I say.

Fortress · 02/01/2011 12:45

Hello I'm 7 weeks with dc3 and spoke to my sil on Christmas day, (she already knew our news, can't tell mil anything) there were no congratulations. She asked if I was hoping this one was a 'pink one' (sarcastically) and then she said poor ds2! She's a middle child and she hated it. However she loves her siblings and I'm sure she'd rather have her little sister.
Anyway - cow!
But I think any life changing descisions challenges people!

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