Advice please on how to tell my unfamily-friendly boss that I'm pg

[OompaLumpa]

Hello ladies I would really appreciate your advice on how exactly to tell my boss Im pg. I haver worked for him for three years now and got married in sept. He is notoriously-pc in every way, sexist, racist and a bully. HR are scared of him and he is very senior in our company.

People keep telling me he can't do anything but he doesn't care about the law, I have seen him make others lives a misery and this is really stressing me out. When i was sick last year with asthma ( in itu etc so not just a little attack) he told me I had put my career back 2 years by being sick and told me I had lost my place in the team at work.
I am planning on telling him On Tuesday, our first day back at work. Any practical advice would be very much appreciated.
Thanks.

Can you bypass him and go directly to HR? Then keep a diary of every moronic comment.

I'd love to see the dawning realisation on his face, whilst you deny everything till the last minute!

Or that might be somewhat unprofessional. Disregard me.

Sounds like a tricky situation. Although you can rinse him in court for sexism/racism/harrassment/bullying and if it comes to it unfair dismissal - which would more than make up for any lost maternity pay (financially speaking, though your career might be worth more than his insensitivity).

Good luck with him. Let us know how it turns out.

OompaLumpa how far along are you?? You don't have to tell them at 12 / 13 weeks...!

He doesn't care about the law....MMMMM what a load of bullshit..chuck a law suit at him for sexism, harrassment and he will care.

Ask for a meeting with him in say a week or so (get back into the swing of things at work first) and have HR attend. Or put it in writing and cc in HR.

Then keep a record / diary of everything..! If he sends you any emails etc, forward them out of your account to your private address.

Good Luck..be brave and remember remain professional don't rise to any of his comments...!! It's your right to have a baby and huge congrats to you...!

What sort of comments do you expect and how many weeks pregnant are you?

The only advice I would add is don't apologise for being pregnant. If you tell him yourself, go in with a smile on your face and start with, I'd like to share my good news...(or something similar). He'll find it much harder to respond negatively straight away.
Congratulations!

Hi thanks for your comments. I'm 15 weeks and struggling to hide my growing bump. Due to my asthma, I am having a few more check ups so it will be hard not to tell him if that makes sense.
If I go to hr or ask them to attend, it will really pee him off but I think I will try and speak to someone in the hr dept straight afterwards and you are righht that I should keep a diary, good idea.

I am also due to do lots of travelling with my job in the next few months so need to try and make sure that with flights i have sufficient space to get up and walk around. He may cancel all my flights and all more interesting work as part of his punishment!

A former colleague did raise a claim of harassment and bullying and he compromised him out and anise has continued to slag him off to everyone at work and in the market we work, he is just not a very nice person and the thought of it all is making me feel very stressed and worried.

If he is as much of a dinosaur as you describe, then quite frankly I wouldn't bother worrying about his reaction too much - you know how he is going to react, so I'd be tempted to send him an email along the lines of - Boss, I am writing to inform you that I am pregnant, with a due of X. Maisie. Leave it at that, and then deal directly with HR - but keep a record of everything he does and says, in case you need it for future. I'd then keep my head down, look forward to the birth, and do everything humanly possible to look for something else after I returned from mat leave (or sooner if I could face it).

maisie I think i do have a pretty good idea how he is going to react, and i wish I could just relax and be confident that it doesn't matter what he says or does, but that is just not me. I have always had a string work ethic and I have worked very hard to get my career to where it is. I appreciate my priorities will be changing but it doesn't stop me dreading the next 6 months! I do plan to then look for another job but I'm not sure how many pt roles there are.
noeyedeer I think you are right that I shouldn't be apologetic and I will try hard to bear that in mind and be upbeat and hide my nerves!

Good luck!

He can't cancel those flights unless they pose a risk.

He now needs to do an expectant mothers risk assessment.

Oompa - you sound just like me tbh. I get terribly anxious about how others perceive me at work, as I take it all too very seriously . You'll never change him, and it wouldn't matter how you tell him, he'll react in the same way. He's a workplace bully who was probably a bully at school - just try and remain detached and cool, and don't allow him to intimidate you. I hope it all goes well for you - he sounds like a complete arse, and someone who needs a good slap round the face with a wet fish

Oompa as others have said, you don't have to tell him for a while yet.

He sounds a vile man, the best way through this may just to be to take a deep breath, rub your tummy and think gleefully of maternity leave when he makes an inappropirate comment (and do note these down for reference - then you'll have amunition for your own, hefty, compromise agreement down the line when you decide life is too short to spend any further time sharing your professional life with such a pig!)

It'd be worth you posting in the Employment topic for advice too. There's a poster over there called Flowery who was really helpful to me when I was having probs with my boss about pregnancy-related medical appointments (had a couple of complications and was under 2 consultants with lots of extra monitoring! - all worth it as dd arrived safely :) )

Good luck with the baby :)

Really hope it goes well for you, my manager at work is very similar. I got to the stage where I was starting to suffer antenatal depression and stress/anxiety about going into work every day, my dh made me go to the dr who promptly signed me off work (he put on my sick note that it was due to pregnancy and work related stress). I have never before suffered from anything like this and have always had an excellent sick record. I kept a diary of all the things my manager said or did to me, am currently 29 weeks pg and signed off now til start of mat leave. I'm keeping the diary of everything just in case manager is still bad when I go back and will be going straight to my union if need to. Good luck with it, I really hope you have a more positive experience than I have had xxx

Hello ladies I just wanted to say a huge thank you to you all for your support and comments, I really appreciate it.
I am hoping to have the conversation tomorrow morning so I will let you know how it goes!

Good luck and congratulations

I think its a good idea to tell him as soon as possible get it out of the way.

It will also mean that a risk assessment can be done to keep you and your baby safe. You are also entiltled to time of for midwife appointments e.t.c but only from after you've made your work aware of the fact your pg ideally in writing.

I would definatly keep a diary of everything he says and does and try not to let anything he says get to you (easier said than done I know) the law really is on your side though.

Hope it all goes well for you tomorrow.

oompa do you work with me? or perhaps our bosses are twins?! good luck, who cares what the vile man thinks, your baby is WAY more important; just make sure you keep a note of every little sexist remark and catalogue it; you should put the one about the sick leave on there are well.