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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Hand me downs or splash out?

22 replies

McKTastic · 31/12/2010 13:54

I am last of my friends to have a baby. My BF has generously offered to donate pretty much everything we'll need. All of her stuff is immaculate and apart from colour/specific make pretty much what DP and I would choose. We're hoping we're lucky enough to have more than this baby so can't decide - do we take what's there or buy new?

OP posts:

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jamaisjedors · 31/12/2010 13:57

I would take it all (and buy her a nice gift).

You will have more to spend on other stuff that you want need (or on yourself!).

I can't see why you wouldn't say yes tbh?

flowerfairy · 31/12/2010 13:59

If they are in good condition i would take up your friend's offer. Children don't come cheap, so you will save lots of money in th elong run. Plus your friend will from experience know what things are really useful and which ones are a waste of money! HTH

RockinRobinBird · 31/12/2010 13:59

Bite her hand off. While it's nice to buy things yourself, you'll save a fortune. DD has had hand me downs from 3 lots of relatives and it's great. I still buy the odd things that I see and like but I love getting a new batch of clothes for her.

Tootlesmummy · 31/12/2010 14:01

I think it depends on whether or not she wants it back or not. If she doesn't want it back then I would take it, buy her a nice gift and save the money you would have spent.

If she wants it back I would buy my own stuff.

allnightlong · 31/12/2010 14:04

If she's giving it yes, but if your borrowing then I'd buy your own otherwise you'll be worried about keeping it immaculate. If you buy your own the you dont have to worry about it plus it'll be there for future children, what happens if you have DC2 at the same time then you'll have to buy it all anyway.

thisisyesterday · 31/12/2010 14:12

totally up to you!

when I had my first I did want to go out and buy stuff, just because it was exciting and new and I enjoyed picking exactly what I wanted. I did have some hand-me-down's though, like a small crib, bouncy chair and some clohtes

with numbers 2 and 3 I didn't really buy anything, had lots of hand-me-downs and of course the stuff we had for ds1

If you're happy with the stuff then I can see no reason to go out and buy new tbh!

KiwiJo · 31/12/2010 14:15

I agree with the posts above; if your friend does not want the stuff back take it. For my DD1 I bought a load of nearly-new stuff off e-Bay which was fine. You will be given new clothes by other friends and family too, don't forget.

comixminx · 31/12/2010 14:20

Take what you can get! Even if some of it is to be lent rather than given it's still worth it. It's hard to know what will suit you / your baby in advance, for one thing; it'll save you lots of money; it'll be more environmentally friendly; it'll be much easier than doing massive and frustrating shopping in eg Mothercare; it'll be satisfying to your BF to know her old stuff is being well used.

We bought a pram as the only big item bought new; we were offered one from a friend but thought that this was something worth getting to our exact specs, as what they were offering didn't match everything we would ideally have wanted, and my parents had offered some money to help in any case. I'm glad we did, but even so we've been using the sling that my brother gave us far more often than we've been using the pram!

Original poster

McKTastic · 31/12/2010 14:20

Thanks - it's helpful to hear what other people would do/plan on doing. BF has two DCs and says she's done so it wouldn't have to go back. I guess I've dreamed of having kids for so long I had a few ideas what our pram/cot etc would look like. We were expecting twins earlier in the year before we had a mmc - pram etc would've had to have been bought then but for one it's all there. My practical head knows the stuff costs a fortune and baby will outgrow it quicksmart. I guess hormones are just wondering if I'm depriving DP and I of the experience of choosing it all ourselves!

OP posts:

Tootlesmummy · 31/12/2010 14:24

I would take things like cot etc but maybe buy the pram that you want that way you have the best of both worlds.

Poppet45 · 31/12/2010 14:28

Totally agree with what everyone says. Take your friend's wonderful gift, thank her profusely and buy her something nice! Then you and DP can go out and buy a very, very few, maybe more expensive than you'd otherwise justify, kind of outfits. Say something lovely to take DC home from hospital in, that sort of thing? Or something really nice in the next couple of sizes up. Oh and one word of advice. Don't buy anything nice or expensive for the 6-12 month age range... once they're learning to eat all clothing is utterly destroyed. Bibs or no bibs.

taytotayto · 31/12/2010 21:14

god i would take it in a heart beat. i bought our pram for dc1 and i hate it, wish id been given one and if i didnt like it then not felt so bad getting another one but i wanted all new. big mistake. we are now expecting dc2 and because dc1 is only 20 months im taking whatever i can get my hands on, but im not lucky enough to have any friends who have finished with much. however we were lucky enough to get a got bed from a good friend and all i need to buy (second hand) is a double buggy and a nappy changing unit. i did borrow the moses basket first time and im glad i did cos our little bundle was huge and outgrew it in 5 weeks and im sure ill be able to borrow it again, and im also reborrowing a crib.
i know its hard for your first cos you want all new but honestly the novelty wears off within a week and as long as the items are clean then take what you can.
good luck xxxx

onadietcokebreak · 31/12/2010 21:21

Bite her hand off if she really is giving it and not loaning it.

New mattress for any Moses basket / cot

onadietcokebreak · 31/12/2010 21:24

What pram is it? Borrowing it would Depend on whether it suited my lifestyle.

Seriously baby stuff is overated. I would rather buy a few things and be given the rest. The money you save could be extra time off work or a holiday!

HSMM · 31/12/2010 21:34

Take it. You can always buy a couple of special bits yourself. Also, if she sees you accept this offer, you may have a long term arrangement of getting freebies as her children grow out of them.

Nicplus1and1baking · 31/12/2010 21:37

You will probably go out and buy most of it new anyway, at a guess i would say a lot of the ppl saying take it have allready had their 1st DC, we all learn from our mistakes

Carrotsandcelery · 31/12/2010 21:41

I would take your friends stuff but please do buy new mattresses. When ds was born it was recommended as a preventative to cot death.

LadyBiscuit · 31/12/2010 21:41

You are so not depriving yourself - you will have plenty of opportunities to haemorrhage cash believe me. Take it all and then pass the clothes on when you're done. Good karma

onadietcokebreak · 31/12/2010 21:44

Also the pleasure from seeing your best friends baby is your dcs clothes is fantastic.

1Catherine1 · 31/12/2010 21:51

1st pregnancy here, expecting at the end of March and if I were you I'd take it and be very grateful - a gift for her too is a lovely idea.

I would say though if there is one thing in particular you wanted to pick then why not do that. In my case there is a lovely pram that I want but it is out of my price range because I have to buy EVERYTHING, if I had your friends offer then I could get it because I saved elsewhere. Talk to your DP about this, my OH wanted to buy everything new so I presented him with a spreadsheet of expected costs of buying everything new and then explained to him the implications of this on our salary. I then offered him an alternative with a few selected things bought second hand, he happily agreed with me when he realized he stood to gain a 2 week holiday by agreeing.

whoodoo · 31/12/2010 21:59

Take it - if you really feel the need to part with cash buy a nice outfit and then put the rest of the money you would have spent into an account for their uni/ first house fund. Your friend will be passing on stuff you actually need rather than stuff you think you may need due to heavy marketing. New is overated, unenvironmental, short-lived in baby world and expensive in relation to the amount of time they will need it for.

Deafworm · 31/12/2010 22:00

take it if its being given but definitely clarify the conditions if any, have seen many aibu my friend sold our baby stuff on/my friend ruined the things we lent/ our friend didn't appreciate what we did etc etc!

having said that when it works it can be great, i have 3 girls and between dd2 and dd3 a friend has her dd1 so my girls hand me downs currently go via her dd as well and bits she buys come back in our direction, we have been doing it for a while now and its working very nicely. there isnt any expectation that we will use everything that is passed on though as long as whats still wearable comes back again, so maybe buy the pram you want but take the rest or, personally as im not fussed on style of prams beyond practicality it would have to be that first outfit

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