feeling blue

[mandy1978]

hi all

i am on my second pregnancy, its planned, i am excited, everything is wonderful.. last time it was unexpected, we were financially insecue etc. during my last pregnancy i only worried about whether my baby was healthy, how i would cope. this time i seem really melancholy.

i have spoken to a few people but noone seems to have expereienced anything similar, i feel over sentimental, terrified about mortality (parents not being around for long, where do we go/come from, leaving my children without a parent/forgetting me) and i havent a clue where it has come from. every day seems tinged with sadness and almost an overfocus on how precious everything is.

has anyone else experience this, or am i going bonkers. i know rationally its all so silly but cant shift this gloom hovering on my shoulder- is this depression? and will it go?

xxxx

Hi - I was actually quite down at certain points in both of my pregnancies, not clinically depressed, but miserable and blue. I think it is more common than you think, not only have you got the hormonal changes to deal with, but even if it is the second, it is still life changing and that can be worrying. I actually think I was more worried about irrational bad things happening to my husband and the baby second time round like I'd been lucky first time and it was all too good to stay that way. I think when contemplating a new baby it can make you focus on your own life and the general circle of life and where you and it will fit into that bringing on thoughts of death etc. See how you go and if you carry on feeling that way then maybe go to the GP, but otherwise IME it is normal !

thanks so much, i agree it is a tough time and does make you aware of death when new life is beginning, we all get pushed up the ladder. thanks it even helps to hear someone else say they have experienced similar... hopefully it will go, i might mention it to the midwife on friday.. my husband also works shifts so i get aLOT of time by myself which is no great thing. i kind of know its irrational but i always get tis chill go through me when its time for bed.

itsdefinitely not clinical depression but more so than just worrying if you know what i mean.. like a gloom that wont shift and impacts upon your every day thoughts and approach to life.

thanks podster, much apprecaed!! maybe when the baby gets here and i have more to be getting on with it might shift,
xxx

Hi - yes I have been experiencing all these feelings and from what I understand its pretty common. A new life is beginning so its natural to think about the fragility of life, mortality etc. I also read that we become emotionally more open to get ready to deal with a new baby. Do talk to your midwife about it though.

thanks sll, i am going to tomorrow. just had a crying fit about it and it is constantly on my mind to the extent life has become sad and blue.. not sure what they can say 'ummmm ok death wont happen anymore' to make it better but they might have some experience of dealing with over emotional freaked out mums to be!!!

noone seems to talk about it which makes it harder in a way..

thanks again for your posts it helps me feel more normal
xxx

Mandy,

Your post made me feel a bit better because I'm pregnant with #2 as well and this time around, despite it being planned and us being happy about it, I've been feeling really anxious about just about everything.

To start with I put it down to fear of miscarriage (I miscarried back in May), but as time has gone on and we've got the scans out of the way and all appears to be well I've had to accept that I'm really feeling down, which is not at all in character for me.

I'm worried about how #2 will slot into our family, how #1 will react, how I'll cope when one or all of us gets ill, how I'll juggle two children when I sometimes feel overwhelmed and crazy with only one. And you're right - no one talks about this!!! Everyone expects you to be over the moon and I'm not and I feel horribly guilty about that and worry that I won't love this baby as much (which I'm sure I will - but is all this anxiety in pregnancy going to damage it?)

Hope you managed to talk to your midwife anyway and that she was helpful.

Hi sorry for joining in so late but I just felt that I had to reply as I have been really suffering with this for the last 4 weeks. I have no idea where it came from, it was like something just snapped in my brain. This is my first pregnancy, I'm 20wks now, but I did have 2 miscarriages last year. I have also been thinking about the people around me dying and also about dying myself, it is constantly on my mind. In the beginning I would have massive panic attacks about it were i would cry hysterically and just feel like getting in my car and running away. Pre-natal depression is apparently really common but no one really talks about it. I went to see my doctor who referred me to see a counsellor who I went to see a few days later. The important thing to remember I think is that you haven't always felt like this so at some point you will start to feel 'normal' again.

Sorry for going on a bit but I have had probably the worst few weeks if my life in what should be the happiest time of life so want you to know that you aren't alone!

thanks so much henners and juneau... i am still having issues with this and trying to convince myself to just wait until the pg is over for myself to return to semi normal. my mdwife was no good, i got nervous and tried to explain and she pretty much pooh poohed it as a normal emotional thing, sometimes it doesnt go but emotions are heightened after pg... she wasnt really listening and i kind of gave up at tha point. juneau, i have to admit i have only felt this was for the past couple of months, i had no miscarriage fear, enjoyed my early pregnancy and was really excited and 'normal'. its only recently this has kicked in, bluddy awful though!!!!

i had another crying fit with my parents today as my dad was discussing his bupa health care and whether to keep it going- he had stomach cancer approx 3 years ago- so that he could have acces to drugs should he need it. a normal conversation with no drama but fell apart. my dad gave me a massive hug and said he often feels the same. it helped to have a hug and get some tears out but i cannot shift this sad, sad feeling which is quite consuming. i can shift it away but it creeps back in, esp at night.. have been planning lots and almost looking forward to going back to work tomorow for a distraction.

i think perhaps it is prenatal depression, i cant see ow a dr will help. i wouldnt take any pills whilst pg and i dont know how a counsellor would help.. its almost like i have to find a peace within nmyself about death aspart of life.. but i cannot seem to do it, and being pg is making me over sentimental and focussing on it. scares me rigid though.

thanks henners so much, it helps to know womeone else has felt the same way dring pregnancy (altho i wouldnt wish it on anyone).. countdown to end of pg begins, if i feel this way after the baby is born i will see the dr as i dont think i want to waste my feeling so sad all the time

xxxxxx

Hi Mandy, it's so weird to read your message as I could be writing it myself. It's like I am having a constant argument in my head and I just can't relax properly and find any peace. I find myself looking at strangers constantly and wondering how old they are and if they are going to die soon and I find it hard to watch anything with someone dying in it (it all sounds really ridiculous even to myself), it has to be something to do with the pregnancy as before this I was really looking forward to the future, now it just terrifies me! I must admit I am a bit cynical about the counselling but I don't want to take drugs either and feel I need to do something. I know a cple of people that have had counselling for depression and it really helped them. Hope we snap out of it soon, I'm sure we will!

Hello ladies

I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I have been having very similar thoughts myself and am now 32+3

I keep dwelling on all the things that may go wrong and really worry about something happening to DH. I dont think the EE baby story has helped.

Some days these feelings just make me feel really sad and make me have no interest in anything but watching TV so I can blank it all out.

i've only just started buying things for the baby like buggy etc. I personally would have preferred to wait until after baby is born but my DH wanted to make use of post Christmas sales!

Thanks to everyone who has posted - it makes me realise others have similar feelings. xxxx

welcome to the weirdo gang ladies!!!

i have to admit this has helped just getting my feelings down and having others feel similarly. i have a frend who lost her dad recently but she is so brave and keeps her head up and gets on with life. i have had a 'click' and am keeping the bad thoughts at bayi am refusing to watch anything sad or relating to death and keeping busy. i think i have had too much time on my hands. my mum has taught me how to use her sewing machine so i am going to have a go at making things.also i have been scared of the future and waaaaay too sentimental. i was chatting to a friend and i am planning lots of things to do. silly things like a drinking cocktail night after baby is here, going on a mini break together and spending more tim with girlie friends.. laughter is a tonic and i think the more i do it the better i will feel.

having accepted this is a part of pregnancy has helped. the death thing still has the ability to freak me out but i am refusing to let it cloud my daily thoughts. have been feeling less sad and worried abou life...

good luck ladies, lets stick to comedy channels and try to keep lighthearted!!!! whats the worse that could happen eh {shock} actually dont even go there
xxxxxxxx