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Pregnancy

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Original poster

If people have borrowed baby stuff do you expect it back?

21 replies

Zipitydoda · 23/12/2010 21:32

I am expecting #3 and in the past have lent stuff to friends and family for their pregnancies & babies some of which has not been returned. I'm not too fussed about maternity clothes, am fairly p'd off about the amount of bedding not been returned and especially annoyed by the person who recently borrowed my (expensive Avent) steriliser and flippantly said "oh that got broken ages ago." didn't apologise or offer any help now that I am left in the position of having to buy another one when I will def not be having any more children.

What should I do? They are in a tighter financial situation than us but I am really annoyed about even the lack of apology or offering to see if anyone she knows could lend us one. Argh!

When I have borrowed stuff I have always returned it plus a thank you gift.

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trixie123 · 23/12/2010 21:41

I have both borrowed and lent baby stuff and always clarified if it was a loan or a "give". In the case of the steriliser, if you were clear it was a loan then I think you would be reasonable to say that you were expecting it back, how did it break and make some noise about how you are going to have to buy a new one and hope they take the hint.

festivefriedawhingesagain · 23/12/2010 21:45

IME it varies, I rarely lend stuff and expect it back, the exception being some maternity clothes and a pram which I got back successfully. I have given lots of stuff away as well.

TBH I find baby clothes are often too stained to pass on. Maybe try Freecycle for another steriliser?

smoggii · 23/12/2010 22:54

One of my mottos is 'Never lend what you can't afford to give away'. If you think of it this way, when you get something back it is a bonus.

I learned this after losing a friendship when i lent someone money when i really couldn't afford to, knowing that they were never really going to afford to pay it back otherwise they would probably never have borrowed it in the first place.

If i borrow something i, like you, give it back with a thank you. If i broke something i would report it straight away and offer to replace it but not everyone has that attitude towards second hand things.

I have been given lots of second hand baby things, i consider myself to have been very lucky in this respect, some things were given through family members and TBH i'm not sure if any were meant as a loan, you have me thinking now.

Is it worth falling out over a sterilising unit? Many may think that this is a question your friend should ask herself but from the sound of it she doesn't realise that it was meant to be returned.

In any event you control how you react to this.. My advice would be advertise on the Netmums wanted board, i'm sure someone will give you one or sell you one at low cost and never lend your friend anything again unless you know you don't mind not seeing it again.

dietcokesholidaysarecoming · 23/12/2010 23:06

Ask if you can borrow their replacement steriliser.

Best friend has just borrowed all newborn clothes. Trust her completely. We are TTC which she knows and she knows they are on loan.

violetwellies · 25/12/2010 14:16

Its the word borrowed that gives you the clue, otherwise its a gift.

Sazisi · 25/12/2010 14:27

Yes I would, although if it's something I really know I'm going to need again I wouldn't offer it in the first place (having learned the hard way!)

Pancakeflipper · 25/12/2010 14:50

I lent out a baby bath, baby gym, Moses basket, changing mat etc to a friend whose cousin came to stay in the UK rather than have her baby in the Dom Rep.

It was a loan. My friend asked to borrow it and I said yes it could be BORROWED but I wanted them back. But the cousin " accidently" took it all back with her to the Dom Rep. So for my next child we had to find replacements. Thankfully we borrowed from a friend and returned them with a thank you present cos' I have learnt a lesson - return with love, it's the good thing to do.

allnightlong · 25/12/2010 14:59

What it really comes down to is if you made it clear that they were borrowing it rather than you giving it to them.

Prinpo · 25/12/2010 17:50

I agree with others - some things are definitely 'handed on', ie no expectation that they'll be returned, whilst others are lent, which means you want them back.

Love the idea about asking if you can borrow their replacement steriliser .

Ultimately, I'd base my response on what the friendship's like. If you feel you can say something then do, if not then let it go.

Original poster

Zipitydoda · 25/12/2010 21:24

Thanks for the responses. I am still mulling over what to do.

She definitely knew it was borrowed. She has ALL my baby stuff incl car seat, cot, all clothes.

She didn't buy a replacement sterilizer; she uses Milton to sterilise everything now.

Even if there was some form of apology, I would feel better about it but she really didn't seem to care at all. Can't lose the friendship over this but it leaves a bad feeling.

OP posts:

autodidact · 25/12/2010 21:28

Agree with allnightlong- everything depends on whether you specifically said that you were offering the items on loan and would need them back. I think many people would have assumed they were hand-me-downs of unwanted stuff otherwise.

sheeplikessleep · 25/12/2010 21:32

if the discussion was had - i.e. 'course you can borrow it', then yes, i'd expect it back. particularly as you are now pregnant again, i am surprised it hasn't crossed her mind to offer to replace, as she knows that you are now in a position of needing one.

autodidact · 25/12/2010 21:35

Sorry, x posted. I see that it was definitely understood that it was a loan. I think your mate should apologise and try and get you a replacement really.

BertieBasset · 25/12/2010 21:52

I loaned my friend loads of stuff, but explained we would need it back as would be having a dc2 at some point.

We now are, and her ds is 6 months. She has returned some stuff and bought us a new carry cot as the cat had started sleeping on the one we lent to her! Very kind of her, especially as it is nicer than the one she had off us!

I would be really irritated if I was you. Maybe mention it again, and ask her if she'll get a replacement? Easier said than done though I know.

theevildead2 · 26/12/2010 04:51

I'd look on Ebay for a used (but decent) steralizer in your area to avoid postal fees. And then mention it to you friend, she shoudl replace. Rude of her not to offer even if they are skint a used one won't cost much at all

Highlandgirl · 26/12/2010 22:52

I'd write her a wee note / email asking for her to return all the baby items which she borrowed from you for DC. Stating that if they could be return by X date that would be great.

I'd mention that since the sterilizer has been broken, you would be grateful if she could provide some money towards replacing it.
(Since it wasn't new to her, I think asking for eg 50 quid or something)

Very rude of her not to offer but maybe she'd just forget that you didn't give it to her....[fhmm}

harpsichordcarrier · 26/12/2010 22:55

I would always regard it as a permanent arrangement ie NOT a loan. In fact, I would be appalled to get the stuff back :-0 UNLESS there was a prior and specific arrangement.
If you wanted something back, you should have said in advance IMO and IME. If you want stuff back now, then you need to ask.

Tidey · 26/12/2010 23:03

I wouldn't even attempt to loan any baby stuff to anyone. I was given loads of stuff for my first DC by my aunt, then used most of it again for DC2, then knowing I wouldn't be having any more children, passed some it on to a cousin. If I did happen to have another DC, I wouldn't ask for anything back, because I daresay she's either handed it on to someone else or got rid of it. You either outright give stuff like that to people or you hang on it yourself.

However, since you did specify that it was on loan, it is bloody rude of her to break it and not replace it.

indiechick · 26/12/2010 23:08

I lent someone a moses basket, fully expecting it to come back. It didn't and to be honest it really upset me. Ridiculous, it was just a moses basket. But my husband had trekked on the bus to bring it home after I went into labour four weeks early and it had great sentimental value. I really can't forgive this girl for not giving it back, it sounds ridiculous when I type it, but it really upset me. I really need to let this go don't I?!

banana87 · 27/12/2010 16:15

I have lent baby swing and bouncer, breast pump, and books and fully expect them back. Have not loaned clothes or bedding as I would not expect them back (and I need them if and when...)

pozzled · 27/12/2010 16:26

I would (and do) certainly expect larger/more expensive items back, if it was made clear that it was a loan. But I would also understand that things will have natural wear and tear, so I wouldn't expect clothes etc all back, or in good condition.

With the steriliser breaking, I would expect an apology and an offer to pay (a small amount) towards a replacement. That's what I'd do if I was the one borrowing it.

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