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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When will it feel 'real'? (16 weeks pregnant after infertility)

20 replies

TwinklePants · 22/12/2010 12:26

Hi,

My title sort of sums it up really. I am in the fortunate position to be 16 weeks pregnant with a much wanted first baby. DH and I had worried that we might never have children after I was diagnosed with cervical cancer last year (now in remission!) - but we had one cycle of IVF which worked first time.

My pregnancy is considered "high risk" as I have very little cervix and I get scans every 2 weeks which means that I have had the chance to see my baby develop from a little bean with a heartbeat to a 'proper' baby with long arms and legs!

The thing is though that it just doesn't 'feel real' to me. I don't have a proper bump yet (I just look chubby around the middle), I have had no sickness or other problems and overall I don't really feel pregnant. I even feel like when I have a scan that the picture is coming from the scanning machine and not really the baby inside of me - I can't get my head around the fact that there's a baby in there that I am carrying around with me all of the time IYKWIM.

Am I just seriously nuts? Should I be worried? I just want this to feel like its happening to me and not something I have dreamed up!

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stargirl30 · 22/12/2010 12:31

Congratulations!
I think when you start feeling movements it might start to feel real. I'm expecting my second and have just started feeling the baby move, I'm 17 weeks.
We are also planning to find out the sex at the 20 week scan, as we did last time. For me, referring to the baby as "him" or "her" makes things seem more real than talking about "it" all the time!

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 22/12/2010 12:33

Congratulations :) It never sunk in for me, not until they were born (all 3 times). Last time was the worst, I couldn't get my head around it (despite many scans), and even afterwards I was abit "OMG I have a baby, how did that happen?" Never affected bonding at birth though :) My DH didn't like doing all the pregnancy stuff though (talking to bump/rubbing bump/baby names etc.) so I think that had something to do with it.

ragged · 22/12/2010 12:35

I never even had fertility problems and it still took ages for any of the pregnancies to feel real. Even after DC2 was born, I think she must have been almost 1yo before I felt like she and DC1 were really permanent features of myfuture life.

CrystalQueen · 22/12/2010 12:36

When my DD did a huge flip from one side of me to the other and I could see my stomach moving (about 18 weeks).
Congratulations!

clareanna · 22/12/2010 12:37

Many congratulations on your pg- what you're feeling is totally normal!
Tbh, it might not feel "real" until you're holding your baby in your arms and realise the hospital are actually going to let you take it home!!!

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh · 22/12/2010 12:50

Congratulations! This one is my first (but no infertility problems) and it felt real in the baby aisle in Asda when I had to decide whether I wanted Tommy Tippee or Avent bottles/steriliser/pump and felt I'd already failed at BFing when I bought a box of organic formula at 23 weeks (because I wanted to have a backup and where we live you can't get organic formula for miles so it all had to go in my suitcase). That was a bizarre moment. I was buying stuff for a baby, my baby, and I cared more than I ever thought possible about whether I was going to get it right - almost like this simple choice between brands actually mattered!

In retrospect I think it was the first thing I did that directly affects my baby's welfare as an independent being.

Even the movements weren't as significant as the shopping!

Sinkingfeeling · 22/12/2010 12:52

Many congratulations! I have 8-year-old twins born after 5 years of infertility and one successful round of IVF and I still have to pinch myself sometimes!

RhinestoneReindeerHerder · 22/12/2010 12:55

For me it was when they were born, both times. Although I felt really pregnant, I couldn't quite equate my squirming abdomen with a real baby. Now I can't imagine my life without them (they are 4 and nearly 2 yrs).

Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope everything goes smoothly for you :)

Original poster

TwinklePants · 22/12/2010 12:55

Thanks for all of your advice, I was starting to worry that I was some kind of unnatural being, or that I was taking it for granted or something (i'm really not!)

Looking forward to movements but worry I might not get them for a bit as I have an anterior placenta.

We are finding out the baby's gender on the 13th of Jan at the anomoly scan so hoping that that makes things seem a bit more real!

OP posts:

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh · 22/12/2010 12:58

I have an anterior placenta and realised a couple of days ago that the movements I felt around 18 weeks at the sides were probably baby instead of overenthusiastuc yoga stretches. Didn't believe it until I got a proper kick at 21weeks or so though. So feel for the sides!

DreamingofFour · 22/12/2010 13:08

It took m several months after the birth to realise that when someone said 'mum' in front of me they were referring to me (not my mother). With all the scans in the world it can still feel unreal. You could try asking if you could hold the ultrasound probe on your tummy yourself for s moment as that might make you feel less like it is coming from the machine - a friendly sonographer should say yes. I also found pregnancy yoga good as being in room with other preg women and focusing on my baby made it more real.

But in a way it doesn't matter if it doesn't feel real yet as the love that you feel towards the baby once it is born makes anything you experience during pregnancy and birth seem like a distant detail.

good luck!

wigglesrock · 22/12/2010 13:17

Congratulations, when I had my first dd (5.5 years ago, the .5 is very important to her!!!) I felt the same way. We had been trying for 5 years with no luck, no explanations etc, just one of those things. I couldn't quite believe it, didn't tell work until 22 weeks etc, throughout late pregnancy when I felt movements it felt more real but I was still in a bit of shock, couldn't believe my luck. The minute she was born, it was like she'd always been there and usually I'm hard as nails .

Having my 3rd in 8 weeks!! and am still a little starstruck by the whole thing!!, agree with dreaming of four I turn around to see who's behind me when someone refers to me as dds mum!!

sotough · 22/12/2010 16:18

we had four miscarriages in a row and it certainly hasn't felt real until quite recently - and i'm now 36 weeks! i've just bought a few things for the new baby - it's the first time i've felt confident enough that a baby is actually going to appear. when you have been through as much as you have it's quite natural to find it hard to believe you have come so far and that it's all going to be okay. good luck.

Alamaya · 22/12/2010 17:14

sob :(
Im 19 weeks after my 1st IVF and its still not real for me.
I just look fat no bump and have had no movements yet :(.
Know theres something in there as i had a scare at 18 weeks and had a scan lol.

thefurryone · 22/12/2010 17:25

It did feel real for me at my 20 week scan but that lasted about 24 hours.

I'm 22 weeks and most days I do feel quite a bit of movement but I'm still not really associating it there being an actual baby in there! Also I find that if I think about it too much I get a bit freaked out, not about having a baby it just feels a bit weird that there is actually a living thing inside me

Alamaya I definitely just looked and felt fat until about 19 weeks and didn't feel anything that I knew was a baby until 20 weeks. I know what I have is now a bump but I reckon I still just look portly as I'm wide of hip so it's not sticking out very far.

cawood77 · 22/12/2010 17:33

congratulations

I am 39 wks pregnant after 7 years of trying, house is full of baby things and it still doesnt feel real. I am expecting to be shocked when she finally arrives next week.

sjw21 · 22/12/2010 21:12

DH and I found out we were expecting on the day we had gone in to see the consultant and start the IVF paperwork. It turned out we had conceived on our last round of Clomid! We are now 16 weeks and it still doesn't seem real. I think I have started to feel baby move but I still don't 'feel' pregnant! I'm hoping it will kick in soon as I start to feel baby more and more over the enxt few weeks.

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh · 22/12/2010 23:32

I think there are definite stages to the 'it feeling real'.

There's the first scan, movements, the second scan, when you buy things...all of these things make it feel a little bit more real. At one point there's a huge rush of realisation where you accept it's happening but if I'm honest I still don't equate this with the reality of having a baby. I've just now accepted that I'm going to have one.

BreastmilkDoesAFabEggnogLatte · 23/12/2010 07:59

Congratulations Twinle and Alamaya

Not feeling the pregnancy is real is very common, but I think having a stressful or difficult pregnancy makes it harder. All my pregnancies are very high-risk and last time I found that he 'risk' element made it difficult to enviage the baby as such because 'it' was only ever referred to in terms of potential problems/dangers. So really, I was completely unable to believe it until DD was lying there in my arms.

Have you tried anything like pregnancy massage, hypnotherapy, or anything which encourages relaxation, visualisation etc? I found the pregnancy seemed less unreal the calmer I was...

Kentmummy · 23/12/2010 09:02

Congratulations! My DD is now 7 weeks old and it only felt real from when she was born! Even when I was in labour, I ended up having an emergency section and I asked the Dr when I'd be having the procedure... He replied "now" I panicked and told him I couldn't have her now as I wasn't ready for a baby!!! A bit late! We had been TTC for a year so she was very much a wanted baby but it never felt real.... Not until you hold your baby for the first time... And if it still doesn't feel real, it soon will when you're getting up in the middle of the night! LOL!

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