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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

27 weeks pregnant and family torn apart!

7 replies

Hart2011 · 16/12/2010 18:04

What a week! My Mum and Step Dad parted ways last weekend and my Step Dad has no family and friends in England (he's Portuguese) and nowhere to go. He said he had £1k in savings and would have to stay in a hostel until he could find a bedsit to rent. He has a job in construction which is on a day-to-day basis so, he could go in one day and they could tell him they have no more work for him.

Anyway, feeling sorry for him, I offered to let him have my bedsit until the end of January and when he has more cash behind him. The idea was that me and my partner would stay with my partner's sister. We obviously couldn't all share one room in my bedsit.

Sadly, the arrangement has only lasted 3 days. I'm working full-time and the new commute from my partner's sister meant a longer journey home every day. Then, my partner's sister made it unbearable for us. We couldn't cook food because her oven is thick with grease and grime that never gets cleaned - and days old plates of food all over her kitchen unit. Her 7-year old son has a habit of missing the toilet pan (which never gets cleared up and just stains the floor) and I constantly stepped on urine in my bare feet. Also, she smoke cigarettes with all the windows shut and insisted it was 'her home to do as she pleased' when my partner asked her to respect my condition. The gross-out list goes on...

It just stressed me out, and being 27 weeks pregnant, I just wanted to be in my own home - tiny bedsit that it is! We are moving to a bigger flat just before the baby is born, thank God!

Anyway, I had to tell my Step Dad the truth last night - That I didn't think it through before offering him my home and about the situation at my partner's sister's flat. He said "Don't worry." But has ignored my phone calls ever since and I odn't know where he is. I feel like such a horrible person. Especially when I think of him sleeping in a grotty b&b some where. I really wanted to cope until the end of Jan but, I'm due to give birth in March and really want to be in my own home to prepare. Should I have just tried to grit my teeth and bear it for my Step Dad's sake?

My Mum has refused all responsibility for him. She has been battling mental illness for 2 years, so its hard to have a conversation without her yelling at me. She called me a selfish bitch and all kinds. Its Christmas next week and I'm down in the dumps!

Sorry for the long email. I just needed to tell people. My Aunt says I shouldn't have offered to do it, and at the same time - my step Dad shouldn't have accepted to take my home off me for 2 months when I'm so heavily pregnant. Oh, I can't stop worrying about it!!!

OP posts:
sarahscot · 16/12/2010 18:08

What a situation - poor you. Probably your stepdada SHOULDN'T have taken the offer of your home, but perhaps he was desperate. Have you no other family who could help him out?

sarahscot · 16/12/2010 18:09

didn't mean to write stepdada! - looks ridiculous!

missnevermind · 16/12/2010 18:20

It was very kind of you to offer though. But you do need to be in your own home.
Dont worry they are all adults, it will work itself out.

TooImmature2BMum · 16/12/2010 20:39

I don't understand why you and your partner moved in with his sister, though. If her flat was like that anyway, why did you expect she would change it?

Smiler80 · 17/12/2010 15:44

Hi Hart2011 - you really should not feel guilty reclaiming your bedsit in my opinion. If nothing else, second-hand smoke is very unhealthy for the baby so you could not possibly stay there for any amount of time.

Of course it sounds horrible for your poor old stepdad, but there are times in life that you cannot shoulder other people's burdens. Best to look after yourself and help other people out to your best ability when you are in a better situation to do so.

I do hope all turns out well for your stepdad. I am sure he understands, or at least will do once he's through the worst of his ordeal and will be able to sort out his thoughts properly.

Blu · 17/12/2010 15:50

Your Aunt is right - you were very kind, but it isn't you who has ejected your step-dad it is your Mum.
Ignore your mother ranting at you, settle back in your own home and remember that everyone else is an adult too and it isn't your responsibility to sort out problems, however much you feel for them.
You can't give what you don't have.
You're the pregnant one, who gets first choice of the stable at the inn Wink

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 17/12/2010 21:17

Gosh, families are a nightmare. I know mine are, and you feel it all the more at Christmas. For some reason it seems to make them worse and all the more dramatic! But none of it is your problem. Your stepdad is not your responsibility, nor is your mother, the only person you need to be looking after right now is you. So don't feel selfish or guilty (I know easier said than done) and try to enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy in relative peace!

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