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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

do you think that DP/DH's should come to scans?

40 replies

spikeycat · 26/08/2003 11:20

I'm feeling rather pissed off that my dp can not be bothered to come to my scan today. Its a 12 week one where they do the test for downs etc.

He has downs in his family so its a nerve wracking time for me. He didn't bother coming to ds's scans either and I'm beginning to feel like a single parent.

Just keep beomg let down by him and disapointed.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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bluecow · 01/09/2003 13:21

If dh didn't want to come to my 12 week scan - due in a month - I would be really upset, unless there was some pressing work reason.

JulieF · 02/09/2003 23:14

WIld horses wouldn't have kept dh away from the scans when I was pg with my first. However he was self employed then and could plan his own work.

This time we are both more relaxed about it. He came to my 10 week scan as it fell during his holidays but we are not sure whether he will be allowed to come to my 20 week one. Employers are under no obligation to allow men the time off you know and he isn't allowed to take holiday in term time.

It all depends on whether his timetable can be rearranged.

judetheobscure · 02/09/2003 23:29

Dh MIGHT have come to the first scan I had with dd, but I don't remember him coming to any of the others except one (when I was being scanned for possible toxoplasmosis with potential for decisions being required). Wasn't bothered - he's always snowed under at work and it would just have stressed him out. Nice to show him the pics at the end of the day.

Rhubarb · 03/09/2003 10:09

Dh couldn't get the time off work to come either. If he had pushed them he probably would of though, but he didn't seem that interested really, even less so with this one. He said he'd be there if I wanted him to be, but you know how you get the sense that it would be a lot of hassle to them if you said yes? So I didn't bother. Would have been nice to have a bit of support though, I had to go with dd as I didn't have anyone to look after her. You hope everything is ok, but if it hadn't have been, I would have been very upset that he wasn't there.

ThomCat · 03/09/2003 10:36

Spikeycat - when's the next scan? How's it going and all that, check in and let me/us know, xxx

Original poster

spikeycat · 09/09/2003 12:20

My scan is today, dp said he would come "if I wanted him to". I told him its his decision, if he wants to come then good, I'd be happy but I am not going to force his hand. Its at 2.30 and haven't heard from him about picking him up from work to guess I am going on my own!

OP posts:

morocco · 09/09/2003 13:07

we'll all be with you in spirit if not in person spikeycat so you won't be alone at all!! (sorry if that sounded corny but thinking of you and wishing you and little beanlet well)

Original poster

spikeycat · 09/09/2003 13:11

Thanks morocco. Also, thomcat, read your story on the other thread and it was lovely

OP posts:

Blu · 09/09/2003 13:44

Oh Bunny2, how very lonely. I hope you had someone to call who could be with you as soon as possible.
I was going to say, anyway, that scans are offered for a serious purpose, not just a sneak preview of the baby and a chance to find out the sex. At 20 weeks we sailed in expecting just that, having got rid of all our fears at the nuchal fold scan, and suddenly there was talk of disability, indicators for Trisomy this and that, echo-genic heart locii, and because of the suggestion of the more serious/fatal Trisomy, an offer of immediate amnio.
I suppose a friend COULD have supported me through that moment, but the only person I wanted was my dp. Thankfully, he was, and thankfully we have a happy healthy (but not quite standard design)DS.

I am an employer, and I would certainly allow time off for fathers to attend scans....fathers get a very raw deal in employment terms, and I think we should do what we can for better support for them...which of course is better for us

Original poster

spikeycat · 10/09/2003 07:54

Hello everyone (who's interested!) - went to my scan yesterday and all was well, have a risk of 1 in 1,980 which is the same as a 20 year old

Little bean wouldn't keep still for a good picture so didn't get one

Me and ds went on our own and he was a good boy, although not terribly interested I must say, he he he!

OP posts:

wiltshire · 10/09/2003 11:45

s/cat Glad to hear your scan went well. Your odds were the same as mine, which was reassuring for me.

wickedstepmother · 10/09/2003 11:47

Glad things are ok spikey

ThomCat · 10/09/2003 11:59

Spikeycat - so sorry yr husband / partner is being a useless bloody man (sorry have own rant going on at mo so bit man angry!!!). Anyway really pleased that the bean is OK! Keep us posted throughout won't you.

wobblymum · 11/09/2003 10:11

I had to have 5 scans and Dh came to every one. The first one he seemed hardly interested at all but I talked to him and found out it was because he couldn't see much and the 'ologist' was explaining too fast for him, so he lost interest. I told him to ask loads of questions so on all the rest he did, and seemed really interested in everything. So I got more support and I got to lie back and gaze at my baby while the poor 'ologist' had to answer every question under the sun about how it all worked, what everything meant, which bit of the baby was which and how they could tell etc etc!!!! Very funny!

Claireandrich · 11/09/2003 21:06

Dh came to every hospital appointment I had (not that many and only one scan) but he just wanted to comealong. He also came for the first doctor's appointment to inform them I was pregnant and came to a MW one to hear the heartbeat. DH loved the scan and I think it helped him see the baby was really there IYKWIM.

Glad to her your scan went well today Spikeycat.

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