7 weeks pregnant and having a crisis

[petrified35]

Hello all,

I am 35, 3 months into my first marriage and 7 weeks pregnant. I am really really struggling with my emotions/thoughts and would appreciate some help.

I have a history of depression, but this has been exacerbated over the past few weeks (I am seeking help on this front). My main concern is that my feelings towards my husband have changed. I no longer feel in love with him. I have had a couple of days where I have felt happy and in love but the rest of my pregnancy to date has been a nightmare. I feel like I am picking at everything he does, finding fault in everything and totally distanced from him.

It is affecting my eating and sleeping and I am worried for the health of my baby.

Please, has anyone else had any such feelings during early pregnancy? If so, how did you deal with them? Should I tell my husband how I am feeling?

J

"3 months into my first marriage"

Your first marriage?

Oh dear, you really aren't in a good way, are you? :(

Sorry, I have no experience of this, but there was a similar thread recently where women shared similar experiences.

It must be very frightening and upsetting for you and your DH.

I hope you get some support and start enjoying your pregnancy more. I've never found it to be quite the time of joyous prepossession I had always imagined.

But it is temporary :)

I have one word for you petrified: HORMONES

IMO you are being poisoned by your hormones, I have had this with both my pregnancies, my mood just swings around like buggery and I can't seem to function rationally. I used to be weeping uncontrollably one day and then really gushy and loving the next, it was hugely confusing for me and DH but when it happened again with the second pregnancy I realised it is just the state of being pregnant which does this and nothing to do with how much I love him or anything big and serious. I have a tendency to over-think things as well which is what it sounds like for you too - esp if you have a history of depression.

If you can, you have to try to be kind to yourself, look after yourself. Really anything you say or think when you're in that hormonal state should not be taken too seriously by either of you.

And talk to your midwives about how you're feeling, they may be able to offer you some specific support.

Hi J,
I'm 35 as well and have just found out that I am pregnant for the first time. Even though I'm excited, I'm absolutley terrified as well and feeling a million emotions all at once that are making my head spin.

Did you start to feel like this after you discovered you were pregnant? Perhaps its to do with the emotioanl rollercoaster that you might be on (if you are anything like me! I'm on a massive one..).

How would your husband react if you shared your feelings with him?
s

I read somewhere once that the main stresses you can undergo in life are;

death of a loved one
becomg a parent
divorce marriage

You've had 2 out of 3 in three months, I'm not suprised you feel a bit funny at the minute. Yes, talk to your DH, maybe don't tell him that you're not in love with him but do talk about worries, concerns you have. And it is normal to not be in love with someone but still love them after being with them some time.

I love my DH but I wouldn't say I'm in love with him. I don't have butterflies, etc anymore when he comes home!

Re first marriage just thought it would be clear. I don't have any desire to have another marriage! I want this one to work.

meant divorce or marriage for the third one.

I destester when I was pregnant with our dd and I was such a bitch to him I made him cry

It was like pmt x a billion

Hormones are fucking vile !!

It will pass, you will feel normal again. I promise :)

I destester when I was pregnant with our dd and I was such a bitch to him I made him cry

It was like pmt x a billion

Hormones are fucking vile !!

It will pass, you will feel normal again. I promise :)

Sparklytoes: he'd be devastated I imagine.

Hello petrified, I am afraid I haven't had your experience but I also got pregnant early in my marriage, we've been married eight months and I am four and a half months pregnant. Early pregnancy can completely alter your emotions, your body is racing with hormones and you are dealing with a great deal of change. Your feeling towards your partner do alter a bit because you are perhaps tired, feeling ill, or just irrational or short tempered. What I would say first off, is take a deep breath and try to feel calm. It is very likely that your concerns are nothing more than fluctuating hormones. If you were happy when you got married then the only reasonable explanation for your new feelings is that your body is going through a huge change. You could talk to him but if you do I would choose your words carefully, this will be a tricky time for him too and you don't want to fill him with worry and doubt when you might just need a little bit of time to get your head around what's happening. If you are already getting some help maybe start by talking there. You could also try telling your husband that you are finding things tough and that you're sorry if you are being short with him. Maybe explaining to him what you are going through as part of pregnancy would help you both.

I don't have much advice but did want to reassure you that you are going through a major physical and emotional change, try not to worry.

Detested Dh !

it is definitely the hormones please trust us !!

Pregnancy is not kind to relationships because of this. Try to have a laugh with him and remember that you will not feel this way all the time. Marriage is a long journey and if you share some of your anxiety with him (obviously not things which will hurt him) you will feel better about things I promise !

Hi petrified, I think that JoeW has got a good point - if you were feeling happy when you got married, it would seem that 3 months is a very short time for feelings to alter substantially. Your hormones have probably got loads to do with it as well as trying to get your head round the news. I've thought about being pregnant for ages and was very excited to start off on this journey, but its still a mind F**k!

Maybe you can speak to your husband generally about the emotioanl rollercaoster you are on without going into any specifics about your feelings to him just now. I think that you need time for your thoughts to settle (and for your hormones to stop being mean to you!) and to settle into the big changes you have had in your life recently
x

Petrified, I think it's quite normal and your hormones are all over the place. I'd been married 2 years and had various fertility problem when I evenetually conceived DD1. Having tried so hard to get pregnant, I then decided I didn't want a baby after all. Rest assured that when she arrived I was delighted. Be kind to yourself and I'm sure the rest will follow.

Good luck.

Sparklytoes: he'd be devastated I imagine.

Hi petrified,

Same feelings here about DP, but I'm not seeing it as a problem, as I had the same problem in my first pregnancy.
We're sleeping in separate beds, as I can't stand to be near him, and everything he does isn't good enough. I do recognise though, the problem is my hormones instead of him, an force myself to be nice. You will feel the same as you did about him, it'll just take time.

In my first pregnancy, I also wished I hadn't gotten pregnant for the first few months even though before I desparately wanted a baby, and was negative about the whole thing. I felt v.different when dd was born obviously. Now I'm pregnant with dc2, I feel the same unsureness, but know it'll soon pass.

Hormones are powerful things!

I have had/having this with dp since the beginning of this pregnancy, I have completely gone off physical contact.

I can't bear to be kissed, hugged, even just touched lightly on my arm etc, it's totally ridiculous. I posted a similar thread to this one as dp and I had only been together for a yr before I fell pg and being divorced already, started panicking.

Dp noticed the distance and was very upset as he thought it was him causing the problem. We had a huge heart to heart talk and it cleared the air massively, I am still having trouble with intimacy and affectionate touching, but dp is being a star and is dealing with it really well.

I can promise you, as everyone else has, it is the pregnancy hormones doing their worst. And yes, you must talk to your dh, it will make both of you feel better about things.

Thanks everyone for all your reassurances. It's helpful to me to know I'm not the only one feeling these things. I don't think my mental health problems help me much but I think I am doing the right thing in getting help from my GP.