help .....just found out I'm pregnant only 3 months into new amazing relationship

[dizzy55]

I need some advice I think really...we just found out we are pregnant, 7 weeks. Crazily we are only 3 months into a new relationship, which is totally mental. But we are going to make a go of it. My boyfriend is being totally amazing and rather than being appalled was pleased (and in total shock!). He lives in london so we would be apart for the whole pregnancy (i have a ds who is already in school in the midlands and I have work commitments, and my boyfirend can't move till next july, when the baby is due). So potentially we would move to london after the baby is born. or my boyfriend would move to the midlands, and give up a really good job.

Having had a disastrous marriage to ds sons father, I finally got my son in school this sept and am really getting somewhere career wise. This seems like a total mess. But every child is a blessing they say. My boyfriend is being beyond amazing....I really don't think he understands quite what will hit him, a 30 year old single guy, when 2 children and a partner move in and he will be the sole provider! I am trying to warn him......

I don't know what I want advice on....but my hormones are everywhere, I feel sick all the time, and am having to be immensely strong all the time. and of course I can't actually tell anyone as its so early. Its so much pressure, and I am mortified that I have put myself in this situation.

Can I really do this??!! Should we move to be with him, or stay where all our amazing support network is. If we move not only is he the sole bread winner but all we have in terms of physical and emotional support too. We are still getting to know each other.....crazy times.

Firstly - congratulations!
Secondly - I know there's all sorts of questions running around your head at the moment, that's totally natural, however it is too early to make any decisions about where you will live etc - my advice would be to stay where you are, and where your son is settled into school, and try and work the rest out along the way.
I'm sure people can and do commute from the Midlands to London - so do try not to worry that leaving your support network may be your only option.
I wish you all the luck in the world, and congratulations again.

I wouldsay stay with your support network. Nothing wrong with him being your partner but living in london still for a couple of years. Brum to London not that far for a long distance relationship.

FWIW my DH always worked away in the week until ds1 was 2.

Your guy sounds fab and if he is indeed so then the distance won't make a difference in the long term. I just wouldn't rush to ditch a support network regardless of your length of relationship.

Yes, neither of you has to move in a rush. In fact, it might work better if you have a bit of space.

If you move, you will feel isolated, and your son will be unsettled. Also there will be lots of pressure on the relationship to work, or you will feel it has been a waste.

if he moves, he will have to give up his job, not a great idea with a child to support in current economy.

Just take it easy, don't change anything just now, I know of a couple who have a very successful relationship where they live apart - it can work very well.

Congrats btw, on your baby and your man!

Congratulations.

I can't comment properly, as I'm about to eat.
I got pregnant even sooner than you, we were 70 miles apart. We now have that daughter and another. It's been 7 years, one marriage and job/town relocation for me. We were lucky as once everyone peeled their chins off the floor, they were supportive and happy we were going to make a go of it.

We then 'got on with it'. People change so much when they have children anyway, that is some way at least we didn't have the trauma of a changing relationship to go through. However, I am really adaptable, I can move town adn work and so on, and deal with it in a fairly effective way.

You know yourself best but my famiily is proof it can all happen and be ok! It's tough, but it's tough for loads of people, whatever the story.

Good luck whatever way you play this, and all the very best. x

Firstly congratulations Dizzy! Exactly the same thing happened to me with ds1, even the timing was exactly the same, 3 months in and found out at 7 weeks gone! I was adamant I was going to keep the baby as soon as I found out, and kind of presumed boyfriend would run a mile, but he was over the moon and stuck around . We are now pg with dc2 .

It's been tough at times and a learning curve for both of us; we have had to get to know eachother at the same time as adapting to a huge change in our lives, but our ds seems pretty well-balanced and happy, and we have fun together still (when I'm not sleeping or hormonal).

I have no experience of the added pressure of the relationship being long distance, but I would say to anyone pregnant to think long and hard about moving away from your support networks; you're going to really need them when you have a newborn. You already know that of course, having two children, but you might feel very isolated in London with a tiny baby.

This happened to me! Met my DP new year's eve and am now 33 weeks pg. I was living up north studying Medicine and he was down south. I have taken a year out and moved down south, but both our families are here too. Total shock, but we are very happy and he has been amazing, and is even prepared to move back up north with me next year to finish my degree. My advice is to just roll with it and take things as they come. Sounds like he is a keeper so congratulations! Live doesn't always go the way we plan it but it is how we cope with these surprises that is important. x

This happened to us too. We had been friends for a couple of years beforehand though. 13 years and 3 children later we're very much married Good luck.

Thank you so much everyone, esp for the congratulations.... I wasn't expecting it for some reason. And what kind comforting words. Having considered it I can't imagine doing it alone long distance (having done years on my own with my ds already and its been so tough)....but think I could cope with the pregnancy apart. He is very keen on being really involved which is great. Equally though I know he can't give up a decent job in this climate either.

I think the stragest thing at the moment is watching my body change, in front of someone I still getting to know! And watching him deal with my hormonal moments. poor fella.

I am really not looking forward to telling people... would rather have to not do it at all! But then my true friends have never seen me this settled and happy. We have known each other for many years which does make it slightly easier, but still.

Thanks again. Def going to try and stay near to my support network.

Happened to me too! Was on my own throughout first 7m. Six years on we are happily married expecting no.4!