Phantom baby

[cupcakebakerer]

Right...I'm 17 weeks today, have had numerous scans proving that there is indeed a baby inside me, but I still cannot get my head around this whole pregnancy thing. I have no symptoms - except for a small bump - and have felt absolute diddly in terms of the baby move. Is it normal to feel like this?! Surely not and it's freaking me out. Any advice appreciated.

Totally normal. I didn't feel any movements until 20 odd weeks with my first child. And if you've got away so far without feeling sick, bloated etc, that's brilliant news!

Completely normal - I am now 35 weeks and sometimes if I lie in bed really still on my back, and baby is asleep, then I am quite convinced there is nothing there!! This pg was a suprise, and still struggling to get my head round the fact that a baby is going to come out of my oomwah!! (already have DTD's but by cs) Yours will start moving about soon, and you'll be gigantic and uncomfortable, and it'll seem all too real then

are you concerned that you are not physically, or emotionally connecting - the first would be normal, but the second might worry you if you are concerned about bonding with the baby?

I'm 31 weeks! I reguarly struggle to accept that there might actually be a baby inside me (even though I am the size of a whale!) I do remember the 14-20 week stretch however when symptons went down and no movements yet, and the subsequent worrying - so very normal I think. It wasn't really until about 24 weeks when movements kicked in (literally!) that I recognised it might be real and even now I can't really get my head around the whole pregnancy thing sometimes and that a real baby might be here in 9 weeks.

I had two mcs beforehand which has made me struggle to accept the realness of pregnancy (self protection mode!)and have spoken to the midwife before so if you do have any concerns then speak to her but I do think what you are feeling is normal.

Thanks for your comments which are very reassuring. Goodlifemummy I am officially nabbing oomwah! Grumpypants - I've definitely not connected emotionally as I still just can't believe there is a baby in there! I definitely don't feel 'at one' with the baby - in fact my husband has to keep telling me off for calling it 'that baby' instead of 'our baby'! I thought the scan would make things seem more real but in fact it felt like a DVD and very unreal...

I don't think you should worry too much; are there ways of connecting more if you are concerned? How about one of those bells that you wear, that then become rattles afterwards, so the baby is familiar with the sound?

ha ha. Mine is still called "it" so good job DH not telling me off!

Re the connecting, I guess at 17 weeks you are waiting for the 20 week anomally scan? I know that this was a bit of a turning point for us - can see baby more clearly and can relax a little after that when you know everything is developing ok! Look forward to that, then getting movements and hopefully you will feel better! x

cupcake I had the same about thinking the scan was a dvd and not what was happening inside me!

It is a strange feeling and until the movement kicked in I thought I was making the whole thing up (even though I was throwing up lots!) Last week was my first acknowledgement that I was pregnant as had managed to get to 28 weeks and not buy anything, but a shopping spree with my sister has now opened the flood gates (my poor plastic)!

Maybe one your movement kicks in, this will be your time! I find I spend time talking to my little wiggle now I can feel it moving around including having full discusions about all sorts of random things!

One day it will click and then there will be no stopping you!

Good luck and don't get stressed about the "connection" it will come!

The whole pregnancy thing is very weird - and for me it continued to be so until I had that little bundle in my arms. I had no problems bonding with my baby once she arrived, although it did feel a bit more real when I started to feel her movements at about 18 weeks.

I know exactly what you mean, I am 18 weeks at the moment and still haven't got my head around it at all. I'm not even sure I will until there's a baby in the room with me! Sometimes I forget I am pregnant and am surprised when I think about it again. I really think everyone is different and I'm not worrying about emotional connection at all - I'm not even sure you can connect with something you can't see or relate too, it's just that some woman have a much stronger maternal drive than others. I recently described being pregnant as 'very boring' to a friend and she said, 'wow, no one ever admits that, that's brave of you'. I was so surprised, am I supposed to go around raving about how brilliant it is to be tired, bloated and sober! I'm really excited about the future and looking forward to having a baby but pregnancy and feeling anything spectacular has rather escaped me.

Hi JoEW. That is exactly how I feel - 99 percent of the time I feel exactly how I did before I was pregnant. The only thing that reminds me I am is being the boring designated driver. I was out with family the other night and they are all so excited: it's all 'baby, baby, baby' but I just don't even like talking about it! I haven't so much as looked at a baby grow. I also get worried about letting them all down should anything happen. I think the day I accept there is something in there I'll have a mental breakdown!

I've decided that I'm not buying anything for the baby (yes, still 'it' in my house too!) until at least after Christmas. I've only just purchased my first item of maternity clothing. Jeans, having finally accepted this morning that my normal ones are too tight to do up comfortably. I don't think it matters if you haven't looked at a baby grow yet. I don't get emotional looking at baby things and also didn't really feel that much emotionally at the scan - mind you I was SO desperate for a wee, having taken them seriously about drinking 4-5 glasses of water beforehand - that I couldn't really think about anything else. Got up and ran out of the room as soon as it was finished! Baby? Whatever, get me to a loo!
Also not a big fan of talking about babys all the time but that's also because I have sat through so many conversations in the past where people bang on about their pregnancies/babies/children for hours and I vowed not to do this, at least we have Mumsnet for that. Maybe we're just heartless, but I really don't think so. I have never been baby crazy so I don't think it's that strange to be similar when pregnant. I imagine it will get more real the closer we get to the 'big day'. Either that or we'll die of shock!

I can totally relate to all of this cupcake.... I'm 8 weeks pg and am not tired, sick, bloated or feeling any symptoms we're supposed to be feeling... I'm also having real difficulty in accepting there is something in there, and am gagging for a glass of wine! 8 weeks without it is a long time! (I was told that you feel sick at the mere thought of having wine as soon as you're pg, but it's the thought of not having it making me feel sick!!)

I did another pregnancy test this morning just to make sure.... the pg line appeared on the stick before the test line did, so I guess it's true and there really is a baby in there!

When do you start to feel pregnant I wonder.....