is it just hormones, or do i have a point here?

[Lauz87]

Hi all,

Having a bit of a blub, and feel silly, so would like some advice from people in the same boat!

I'm due in 2 weeks, and am having my DH and mum as birthing partners. I don't feel that i want anyone else appearing until i know baby is ok, and i am in pj's not covered in my insides. It seems to me that i'm justified in not wanting visitors until i'm on the ward.

DH however, thinks this is strange, and thinks that having people waiting outside (potentially for a very long time, it's my first birth) is the way it should be, and that birth is a family event.

He's said he will support my decision, but can't see in any way where i'm coming from, and that if he 'is ill' he doesn't mind people being around. He isn't close to my MIL, so i'm finding it really difficult to understand why he needs to make the point that he thinks my decision is strange.

we've just had a fairly big row about it, and i'm feeling really worried that if MIL does turn up, he won't stay strong about my decision.

Sorry for longlonglong post, but i'm a hormonal, fat, stretchmarky mess and i'm venting.

Oh, and another thought. My mum offered to be there and I only want dh, but as everyone in both our families lives 4 hours drive away, I have asked mum instead to come down when it looks imminent, but as there is every chance I'll be at hops for a while, could she stay at the house and look after my cats? I realise that sounds a bit bonkers, but she is much happier to know she will be close by, I can call her to come if I change my mind, and most importantly she feels involved . Is there some job you could give your MIL so that she feels special and involved, but is not at the hospital? Dog/cat sitting, at your house doing some laundry, in charge of calling your dh's family with updates, phoned from the hospital by dh/your mum? Phrase it to her like, I really need you to do x job for me, there is no one else I can ask and it's so important to us. Feed her drama queeny tendencies by puffing her up and making here feel important and part of it. This will also be good practise for dealing with stroppy toddlers in years to come lol. It's funny itsnt it, once you get pregnant, people start saying oh yes, whatever you want, but my opinion is you're wrong. Very similar to getting married, Ive found so far. And if there was one thing I learned from planning my wedding, it was how to shut up both families and get what I wanted without upsetting anyone. God love em.

Good God - like another poster said, the one time in your life you can be as selfish as you like, and you should tell your hubby to do what you bloody well say.

This is when you have to channel your inner Mariah Carey and demand white kittens, blue M and M's and filtered glacier water in your metaphorical dressing room.

And FUCK everyone else. Sorry to be blunt but jeez...

My DH said this week, after an ante-natal class, that he had only just realised that giving bith isn't like what you see on TV! Perhaps your DH is the same? Perhaps he thinks it's one two three - PUSH and you have a baby?

Has he watched any birth videos?

I know that having your mum there too is probably creating some kind of competitive grandparent thing but he should understand that having your mum there is more acceptable than having your MIL.

It doesnt actually matter what he says anyway, cos most hospitals wont allow people to hang around outside anyway! They dont just allow anyone into hospitals at any time of day!! Infection control, security issues etc etc!

I "allowed" visitors the following day (DS born at 8.30pm), but I even struggled with that, tbh - I just wanted to sleep, not have to put on a brave face and look remotely presentable.
It's different if you were going in to have your wisdom teeth removed, but FFS you could be in labour for 2 days, for all they know (sorry, not helping, I know).