I need you all to talk some sense into me

[Margie32]

I lost my first baby in March when I was 19 weeks. Obviously it was devastating and the hardest thing I've ever had to try to get over. If I hadn't had my amazing DH I honestly don't know what I'd have done. Much to our surprise I got pregnant again really quickly (probably too quickly in hindsight but no regrets, this baby is a gift) and I'm currently 32 weeks.

When I think about the birth all I feel is terror that something's going to go wrong and the baby's going to die. I know that the chances of things going wrong are tiny compared to the chances of things going right, but I just can't get it out of my head. This morning I woke up at 4.30 and just literally worried for 2.5 hours until my alarm went off.

My pregnancy has been uncomplicated and all the scans have been fine but I remember hearing a couple on the Jeremy Vine show talking about their stillbirth - it was absolutely heartbreaking and they'd had a very normal pregnancy.

If something went wrong I honestly don't think I'd ever get over it. I haven't really mentioned this to my DH as I don't want him to worry but I desperately need someone to talk some sense into me.

Hi Margie, so sorry to hear about the loss of your first baby. It's no surprise that this pregnancy is difficult for you.

I think rather than talking sense into you, you need to talk to someone who will listen to your fears and acknowledge them, and then give you the information to put your mind at rest. Maybe the MW or even just a good friend or your mum?

You should also talk to your dh about it as no doubt he has the same thoughts as you do, but neither of you has said anything as you don't want to upset each other. But you need to tackle this together, you'll both be stronger as one unit.

Good luck, I look forward to seeing your birth announcement

margie - does your hospital have a counselling service?? I agree with IlikeToMoveItMoveIt, I think it would probably help you to talk to someone. I know after I suffered a mc they gave details of the one at our hospital. I didn't use them in the end, but I would have thought that most hospitals have something similar.

Margie - it's horribly normal to feel like this. As ILikeTo.. says please talk to the MW, your Dr, your partner etc... It's like a huge pressure in your head and talking will release some of the tension.

There are sadly no guarantees but there are far more success happy births than sad ones. So hold onto that - put yourselves into the positive zone and it won't be long before we see you on " my baby never sleeps...." threads.

Try to enjoy this last bit of pregnancy. But talk to those around especially the mid-wife team. They have heard this before so won't think you are nuts and can help you through the birth if they know you are concerned.

Take care mummy-to-be.

Margie a big hug for you and your partner.

Why not have a go at some guided meditation. I've just got the Natal hypnotherapy CD and have listen to it and have felt much calmer since then.

Also if you are awake in the middle of the night worrying wake your partner up. It's not selfish. Last night i was feeling particualry teary and insisted that DP stopped reading and talked to me about his day. It meant the thoughts going through my head that were sad didn't have the space to make me feel sad or worried anymore.

look after yourself