Panic - how will I cope with baby number 2???

[GretnaGirl]

To those of you with lots of kids you'll probably wonder what the fuss is about but I'm 16+3 weeks with baby number 2 and have a 2yr 10month old little boy. I've felt so sick and tired for 10 weeks and also have ante-natal depression (which I'm taking medication for) I've barely been left alone to care for my son (amazing family and friends) but now I can hardly remember what it feels like to have the energy to care for one child, never mind 2! Has anyone else gone through the "how will I manage" panic stage and how did you overcome it enough to enjoy this time before baby arrives?

hi GretnaGirl, I'm 27+5 and also have a toddler- a 19 month old boy who, some days, is really exhausting! I work part time and find my days at work are less stressful than days at home with him, but I also love spending time with him of course.

I get that panic feeling 'how will I cope' a fair bit, esp as due date approaches, but I think that we fear it's going to be worse than it is- and if you have such great family and friends I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine- they are worth their weight in gold! I don't have much family around- brother next to useless with kids, though he will play with DS1, my mum is not hands on and would rather sit and have a coffee with me than take my son out or play on the floor with him, so I'm worried it'll be hard (she never had any help with us and said she 'coped' so makes it even harder for me to ask for help) Ironically MIL & FIL are so hands on and would probably babysit all day every day but live in NZ- damn!

Obviously you have it tough having ante-natal depression, I'm sure that makes it much harder- just remember to ask for help if you need it and, as i am trying to do, enjoy your firstborn as much as possible before you're blessed with another wonderful child!

I would definitely suggest that you don't even bother to think about it that way. When you've been pregnant for 4 months already and felt rubbish most of the time, it's hard to imagine how it feels to not be pregnant. Apart from having a horrendous/traumatic birth that takes a long time to recover from, you'll most likely feel completely different once baby comes. Plus, you have another 6 months to go, and you might feel really differently by then. My first two were very close (14 months apart) and it was tough for the first few months because my older DC wasn't old enough to be helpful or very communicative, but after those few months it got WAY easier. Having a child that is over 3 years by the time baby arrives should make it much easier for you. Wish you all the best, and don't forget, often the first part of the pregnancy is the hardest!

And also to say, if your friends and family are so helpful now whilst your pregnant, you can guarantee they'll be more than willing to help you out in those first few weeks while you get used to having two.

GretnaGirl, it's understandable that you should worry, especially if you are having such a tiring pregnancy, but you will be amazed when baby no 2 comes just how easy it can be. You'll be more confident because you've done this before (and second babies do tend to be easier), and your DC1 will be old enough to be interested and even helpful.

And you are very lucky to have so much support - like sarahbuff says, if they are so helpful now, they're not going to desert you once DC2 is born.

You're having a difficult time physically and emotionally at the moment. Don't be hard on yourself and just take each day as it comes. You might end up having an easier second and third trimester, which would help enormously but even if you don't, you are doing the best you can, and there will still be moments in the day to give you pleasure and enjoyment before the baby comes.

Good luck!

Thanks for the positive messages, I'm sitting at home on my on as too poorly for work and things build up in my head - typing them out and getting some sensible answers stops them from sending me doolally. I think my problem is I'm a control freak, I hate not doing things myself although I have become very good at letting people help over the last few weeks. I've just booked a reflexology session to try and help me relax, my psychiatrist wasn't keen said it was a waste of money but I'm going anyway - a combinaion of medicinal and alternative therapy could be just what I need.

Reflexology is lovely, GretnaGirl - it's really relaxing and so nice to have an hour or so in which to drift away and let go of everything that's bothering you. It can only do you good.

Be as kind to yourself as you can, whether it's by having reflexology, or doing anything else that you enjoy, and let go of the need to do and control everything. You'll run yourself ragged doing that, and then you'll be of no use to anyone!

Thanks ttalloo. I have just got back from the reflexology and I'm booked in again for next week. She was a lovely lady and very gentle. She said she can't say how I will react to the treatment over the next couple of days but the hour being pampered was worth it anyway! I've got my DH at home for the next two days which always makes me feel better, I'm very lucky that he is being so sympathetic and helpful (even if he is baffled by me most of the time)