Scared

[DrSeuss]

I'm a few months short of forty and pregnant for the second time. This coming Monday I have my combined nuchal/dating scan and blood tests. I can hardly bear to think about the possible consequences of a poor nuchal or blood result, not so much for myself but because my husband has always been very clear that he would want me to abort a child with Down's. On a recent holiday there was a child with Down's at our hotel. My four year old played with him without even noticing his disability, which is just what I would wish for, and I also went swimming with him. My husband did not even speak to him. I am that peculiar breed, the pro-choicer who is unwilling to abort a pregnancy and just don't think that I could do it should Monday's results be bad.

All words of encouragement gratefully accepted.

Didnt want this to go unanswered, I chose not to get the tests done knowing fully that whatever the results I would not abort my baby based on that.

I have worked with children with Down's in the past and know first hand how loving and how much of a pleasure it is to work with them. In todays society adults with downs syndrome often thrive also and I could just not justify it. Although I can see why some people would choose to.

Is there any chance your DH may act differently as he/she will be his own child and so therefore there will be an emotional connection?

Maybe, but probably not. I will have the tests if only to be prepared for all eventualities. He comes from a family which has a history of moderate psychiatric illness (depression/PND/agoraphobia) on one side and several people with Asperger's on the other. You would think that would make him more tolerant of disability but it has the opposite effect. It really is only mental disability that provokes this reaction, he has no problem with physical disability.

DrSeuss my OH was the same. He was quite honest in telling me he would not want a child with Down's and would expect me to abort if we'd had tests suggesting this was the case. I have always doubted my ability to look after a child with Down's for many selfish reasons and for some not so selfish reasons too. This is partly due to my own ignorance of the condition. Most special needs don't frighten me because in my line of work I am forced to learn about them and I don't have any misconceptions of them. I was terrified when it came to my 12 week scan and results because although in theory I agreed with my OH I knew that somewhere inside me my own morals were telling me that to deny this child life for these mainly selfish reasons was wrong. Had I actually been made to make the decisions I really don't think I could of done.

I don't really have "advice" as such but I suppose you need to bury your head in the sand until after your scan and results on Monday. Worrying about it now won't achieve anything anyway. Have the conversation with your OH if and when you need to only. It sounds like you have made your decision already but I would leave of a moral argument with your DH which may cause unnecessary tension between the two of you.

Good luck with your scan.

Congrats on the pregnancy by the way OP

Thanks, everyone. I'll be spending the weekend in Brum seeing Disney on Ice and Cadbury World with husband and four year old so that should take my mind off it!

So, had the nuchal scan today. Acceptable thickness for the nuchal fold is 3.2 and my baby's measures at 1.4 at most (some views the radiographer took measure at less). Also did blood tests and will be told within seven days by 'phone if these are high or by letter if not. Asked for the results with and without my advanced age (!) if possible, as another thread said that their blood numbers were low, it was their age that was skewing the equation. Feeling a bit better now. Thanks for your support. I will let you know how it goes.

The letter arrived today (following two false starts with a double glazing salesman and someone from the bank, both of whom rang me up and scared the life out of me!)and my risk factor is officially 1 in 37,565! That's the bloods and the nuchal combined! How the hell that happened when you factor in my venerable age I have no idea but let's just be grateful for it. The plain stats for a woman of forty are 1 in 150. If I were allowed a big glass of champagne I would be drinking it right now!

Been following thread - really happy for you Dr Seuss - hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well x

Didn't want you to go ananswered. Well done on your results - you can relax and look forward to your little one arriving now!

unanswered that should be

Thanks every one!

just read your thread,and congratulations,its nice to read the whole story from beginning to end.and have a happy ending lol.