Petrified of the birth

[pinky27]

Hi everyone,

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and I'm totally petrified about giving birth. Have been having panic attacks and can't sleep and struggling to eat. Feel very alone about this and wondering if anyone else is feeling the same??? Seem to be able to cry at the slightest thing as well. I know that the baby has got to come out and once it is here it is going to be wonderful but at the moment can't cope. Everyone keeps telling me that I should be enjoying the last few weeks of pregnancy and enjoying maternity leave - feel guilty that i'm not! Would be very grateful to hear from anyone else in the same situation. Thanks. :)

You might want to try some form on hypnotherapy. I've been using Natal Hypnotherapy CDs and really like them - I got them because after getting diagnosed with OC, my plans for a HWB went out of the window (am now prepping for (possibly early) induction in the CLW) and I was suddenly very stressed about it all. Have to say it's really helping.

I've had 5 and having my 6th in 6 weeks but i go through this as delivery date approaches. The more i start to think about it the more i panic, only way i cope really is to distract myself.
People think i'm crazy given that i've been through it so many times before but i think it's a very real fear.
I haven't tried the hypnotherapy idea but if i had more time on my hands i would have probably have given it a go as japhrimel suggested.
Sorry i've not much advice but i wish you all the best and you're not alone in petrified

Oh dear, poor you. You are not alone - lots of people get very scared of the idea of birth. Its a huge unknown, there are lots of variables and its a big deal. I suppose (other than the ideas suggested above) all you can really do is try to accept the fact that it is going to happen, you will be in good hands and that the midvives etc do this hundreds of times. Make sure you have toured the hosptial and know roughly how things are set out and what you can bring and do talk to your midwife about your fears if you feel you have a good relationship with her.

Yes, I was pretty scared too. Just remember, you don't have to be a hero. Gas and air is wonderful! There are no prizes for endurance during labour so don't be to proud to ask for what you need. And don't do what I did and try to not make too much fuss so that they don't take you seriously and tell you you're not in labour when you're already half dilated!
Good luck!

Look up some things on relaxing breathing to help you. I've done it twice and the second time I was much more calm and it was much better. As said above, you don't have to be hero, there are no medals at the end just a gorgeous baby :)

Hi pinky27 I am 37w tomorrow with DC1 and also feeling nervous. However, I've managed to calm myself down a lot over the past few weeks thanks to these things that might help you out:

• Natal Hypnotherapy CD (it is relaxing, even if it might not necessarily work on the day it's nice to take 30 mins or so to chill out during the day, get comfy, light some gorg smelling candles

• Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. This book is so interesting (not sure about the first section on women's experiences but the second section all about how your body is made to give birth is so reassuring)

• Watching waterbirth clips. This sounds weird, and it initially freaked me out a little bit, but once I'd watched a few I totally focused on the end product - beautiful little babies and total happiness and bliss for the parents (and mum who usually forgets the previous pain instantly!) I would like to try waterbirth if the pool is available.

• Talking to my mum (or if you have another close female relative who's been through it all) has helped, as although she tore/ needed episiotomy she had three babies without epidural and had no lasting effects of the problems. In fact she calms me down by reassuring me that a lot of women tear/ need epi and recover normally and quickly (sometimes too much reading of horrific births on mnet doesn't help!)

Good luck, I hope this helps x

Pinky- i wondered if hearing from someone who isn't scared about birth might help. If you think it won't please just ignore I'm a first timer due end of feb. I'm feeling pretty relaxed about giving birth and labour.

I think this is because i have seen several woman give birth and saw that they and the baby were both totally fine (all three were drug free).
I'm reading lots of information (and rereading it)
I'm learning about what can happen and what might happen if things go wrong.

I'm talking about it outloud with both my patner and my mum, my midwife, friends people at work ok anyone that will listen.
I'm flying six weeks after the due date ( a very long flight) so i have somethign else scary to focus on.

I'm hoping this will help.

Hi there.I've had two children and had two not very good labours which both ended in C section.When I held my baby for the first time nothing mattered and I would have done it all over again.

The thing to remember is that labour starts really gradually,so if it's pain you are worried about then you will probably have lots of time to get to the hospital for whatever pain relief you want.

I agree that you should have a chat with your midwife about your worries and fears.
Good luck!

Hi - sorry you are so stressed out right now. I was also very scared about giving birth to DC1 (5 wqeeks ago now!). I echo what people have said about not being a hero and there being no prizes. I had anticipated and prepared for a water birth on the MW led birthing centre with minimum drugs. In the end, it didn't work out as I had planned and I went for an epidural - I don't regret this for a second and it was competely the right decision. What I'm trying to say is don't set yourself up with a whole load of expectations about what you will and will not do on the day - go with the flow. Is there any aspect of giving birth that you are particularly scared about? I think part of my own fears were to do with the enormity of becoming a mother and all that this entails. Have your fears been set off or exacerbated by anything anyone has said to you (people LOVE to share horrific birth stories - just ignore them, misery loves its own company)? Anything that it would help you to talk to MW about? Are you getting support from your DP or your birth partner? I used the Natal Hypnotherapy CDs. In the end I needed the epidural to get me through the whole thing, but the relaxation techniques were wonderful in helping me cope during the last few weeks as well as get through the first half of the labour itself. I also had some acupuncture and reflexology, which was marvellous.

I really wish you luck XX

another shout for the NATAL HYPNOTHERAPY cds - brilliant. You can listen to it as many times a day as you want and it totally diminishes any fears you may have. many of my friends have had really positive experiences with them too.

Natay hypnotherapy cd

It's nothing kooky, you just lie down relax & listen to a woman talking - and you feel great afterwards.

Thank you very much for all your messages - makes me feel much better to know that I'm not alone and that lots of other people feel this way too. Have ordered a natal hypnotherapy CD and going to give that a go - it sounds good! Going to speak with midwife too. Thanks for all your help everyone! :)

Pinky Some good advice on here. I definately recommend what Planner said about Ina May Gaskin.
Yes, alot of her books are way out there wacky, but most importantly they focus on the positive aspects of childbirth, which is what you want to be doing. It is refreshing to look at it from a different angle.

FWIW I am totally scared about it too I keep looking back at the birth of DS 3 years ago with rose tinted glasses and think I must have blocked alot of it out!

But, I keep telling myself people wouldn't do it over and over again if it was that scary, plus, if some women can successfully give birth in 3rd world conditions then we have already got it easy with the medical care available to us.

Just don't do what I did when I went overdue by 2 weeks with my son and decided to go to the cinema with DP...to see Apocalypto. Probably not that good idea, although the woman did give birth successfully by herself in a well which was filling with water with her small child swimming next to her! Puts it in perspective!

I was petrified when pregnant with DD1 and used a Natal Hypnotherapy CD too in the last few weeks. It did calm me down.

I even used the same CD again with DD2, again just for the calming factor - I was booked for an elective section second time round, so the natural birth stuff was a bit wasted on me, but I still felt better after listening to it!

It's normal to be scared. Good luck.

i did prenatal yoga through these people and it was great. its normal to be scared but try to learn some relaxation techniques.

I second the recommendation to read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, it's an amazing book. It's really positive, but realistic at the same time. It's all about home births, but don't let that put you off - it's totally relevant to hospital births as well.

I had a really long labour on gas and air and I honestly think I would have really struggled if it weren't for reading that book - I went into it convinced I could do it, and that really really helped when it got tough.

And if it helps, I'm a lot less scared of giving birth again ( not pg yet though!) than I was first time, so it can't have been that bad.

Hi Pinky, I too was terrified about giving birth but found once labour started I felt strangely calm and sort of knew what I had to do. The one thing that really surprised me was how quick the time passed for me during labour (10hrs) and the overwhelming feeling of achievement once he was born You'll cope brilliantly because your a mum and thats what we do!