breastfeeding negativity?

[naomiclarke1987]

has anyone else experienced constant negativity from other mothers with regards to breastfeeding?

whenever i tell someone i plan to breastfeed when my baby arrives they have nothing but negative things to say about how they failed at it, and how i shouldn't bother - it really is quite disheartening.

anyone else had these problems? and any advice...preferably positive?

I know what you mean, a lot of people have had negative experiences; but I always read it as people trying to prepare you IFYSWIM? BFing can be really hard, and I think a lot of women feel mislead by HCP's as to how "easy" and "natural" it should be.

FWIW I BF my DS and once I got the hang of it (about 5/6 days in) I enjoyed every minute of it, so there's a positive experience for you

And I now have a personal rule of not really discussing how I feed my baby, its no one elses business really!

Yep! I'm only 17 weeks and already had that conversation. Went to the pub with friends and lunch time and they were all unaninimous in their scorn of it . 'Urgh/it's disgusting/babies should learn to be away from their mothers, it's healthier to get other people to feed them/women shouldn't breastfeed in public/you can't have a life if breastfeeding, it's not all about the baby etc etc' Was really shocked.. How naive am I!?

I'm sorry that doesn't help with your question, I haven't been there yet as I'm just expecting my first but I'd definitely be interested to hear advice from others too. For what it's worth I'm really hoping to be able to breastfeed too.
Good luck Naomi!

They're only doing it to justify their own choices like so much of parenting advice without really thinking about how different it is for other people.

My advice is that being surrounded by people like that will make it harder because when you're feeling weak they'll push you to give formula. Make sure you have the number of an NCT BF helpline beforehand so you can get helpful advice if/ when you need it. I was lucky because my sisters had BF and so had my mum and close friends so I could get good advice from family and friends who showed me that it was doable and not the impossibility many make it out to be just because it was for them.

I would also say just doun't discuss it with these people at all because they will always plant a seed of doubt in your mind. I think whether you BF of FF often (not always of course) has a lot to do with the people who surround you because you almost go with an expectation for one or the other.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying FF is wrong because I strongly believe in choice but often people seem to want others to fail if they have - asp. mothers and MIL when the advice about how/ when/ if to BF was very different.

Also there's a couple of good sites for advice / positive experiences:-

Mumsnet Breastfeeding

and

Kellymom

Hope that helps

And also agree with AbiAbi, friends that are telling you how it didn't work out for them are possibly just trying to take the pressure off as there does seem to be a certain expectation from some areas that it's the done thing.

And you should use this as good preparation, as when the baby is here you will get a LOT of unwarranted advice and opinions, be it on your type of pushchair, whether to have a sling or not, when to wean, whether to co-sleep, dummies, what you dress your baby in... honestly people will feel free to judge you on EVERYTHING!

Just learn to have faith in your own decisions and parenting skills, and to let it all wash over you

oooh interesting thread as I am probably like one of your friends- hadn't thought about it putting anyone off-
basically for me breastfeeding was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and also the thing I am proudest of achieving (still going 9months in!) so when I talk about it I may inadvertently put people off but honestly if you are realistic about how hard it can be for some women ( of women who had it easy) then it will stand you in good stead to persevere coz it gets a doddle after about 12 weeks and is soooo worth it!

Have to admit I wish I'd heard a bit more negativity during my first pregnancy - well, just honesty really. All the propaganda makes it look really easy and when I found it a struggle I felt like a failure. I'm now a peer supporter and I tell women that yes, it can be difficult but with good support it gets easy, convenient and enjoyable.

Hello,

I have never heard any negativity in regards to me breastfeeding, but i can only imagine what you have had to hear.

Breastfeeding doesn't come naturally for many women. The first 6 weeks can be very hard. Baby is feeding almost constantly (good for your supply!) and getting sore nipples can occur very quickly if you don't have a good latch and correct positioning. However, once the first 4-6 weeks are done and dusted, it becomes second nature. It's magical.

However, breastfeeding is in the minority these days, as it's seen as more convienient and easy to formula feed.

I think the people that have been unpleasant to you, are probably bitter that they could not breastfeed, in all honesty.

Try not to be disheartend. With the right support you will be able to breastfeed successfully.

Ally

I would ask your mw if your surestart centre has bfing group, and pop down there before you have baby. Its great, because you can ask for help, but is also nice to go somewhere where bfing is the norm, iyswim?

thank you all for your lovely responses. It isn't so much a problem that they're telling me it is difficult - i have no doubt in my mind that it will be hard. It is just the negative attitude in them saying 'oh why bother, it didn't work for me, so it is a waste of time for you to try'
Its just a shame that something that should be a mothers natural choice if she is able is so frowned upon still..

Oh dear.. that's not good. I have to say, if someone asked me for an honest view of breastfeeding as someone who failed to BF, I would also be extremely negative about it as I've had a bad experience. Having said that, I'm gonne give BF one more shot with my next one so maybe not that bad.

Perhaps like me they just want to let you know realistically what to expect, coupled with negative emotions from their own experience, probably doesn't make us sound the nicest people in the world. Failing to BF is a very emotional experience, I remember crying for a month or more because I failed to BF my DS.

Quite often I stop myself from saying anything when the subject of BF crops up because I don't want to influence how people plan to do feed their DC. If asked, I normally just explain it was a very difficult experience for me, sparing them the gory details. I definitely wouldn't dream of suggesting FF instead.

Hopefully this helps you understand why your friends said the things they said.

Breastfeeding is lovely :) Well done for planning to do it. I agree with other posters regarding that fact that a lot of people 'fail' (I hate that word) to BF and therefore have very negative feelings about it.

I would say:

1. be prepared to try, try and try again for a couple or days or so. It is a skill that you and your baby have to learn, and although some people find that their baby just latches straight on, most of us have to persevere before it 'takes off' as such. Your baby will not starve, they are born with loads of extra nutrients on board and can manage for a few days.

2. don't stress about it. Your baby will not starve if he/she doesn't BF immediately. Just keep trying, and give yourself plenty of space and time to do it. As for as much help in hospital/from the midwives as you can whilst they are available to you, mine were fantastic.

3. try not to crack and give formula too soon - it is an option that is there for you if BF doesn't work out, but if you do a formula 'top up' too early, it will probably interfere with BF becoming established and muck your supply up

4. make sure you have support from your DP and anyone else around - I never used to remember to get myself a drink ready, and BF made me soooo thirsty. DH was a star fetching me things as I sat there with DD on her Widgey Pillow (well worth getting, I got mine super cheap second hand).

5. if you end up FF, your baby will not actually be harmed by this! FF babies are just as lovely and happy as BF babies!

6. if you are lucky enough to get BF established, however, it is absolutely lovely and there are SO many benefits - people HAVE to hand your baby back to you at regular intervals, you can feed whenever and wherever with no equipment, no need to faff about preparing bottles (esp good at night), helps you lose any baby weight more quickly, plus you can get away with eating cake for longer, as well as all the normal stuff re how good it is for your baby!

GOOD LUCK :)

I have a question - to those who have BF experience - I am determined to BF for at least the first six months (it's free and on tap, so why not!) but have also heard lots of horror stories about how hard it is. What I want to know is what do you do if you can't do it for the first few days/weeks? How does your baby get the proper nutrition if you are struggling to feed them properly? How do you carry on trying if you don't think they are getting enough food?
Any advice welcome!

x posts with Ginger - thanks!

Hi JoEW, try to ignore the horror stories and keep an open mind. Have a look at my tips above. My antenatal teacher told us that the baby 'packs its picnic' before being born and can therefore manage for a few days without much in the way of colostrum/milk.

In my case, we had a veeeery long birth and ended up with forceps so epidural, catheterised etc, both very tired afterwards. We were in hosp for a couple of days which actually helped as there was help available day and night when I was trying to get her latched on. I would say it took a couple of days trying, and the midwives were very relaxed about DD not really feeding during that time. I was relaxed (delirious!) and we just went with it.

I am v lucky not to be shy so never minded anyone seeing me BF which I think really helped - when we had hundreds of visitors in the early days, I would just feed her whenever she wanted. So it was easy to stick to.

X posted again, hope my second message helps too!

Another thing to bear in mind Naomi, even if just as an answer to your friends - is that even just bfing for the first day or two is a benefit to your baby, so even if it doesn't work out, definitely worth a try!