Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

The fourth child

54 replies

Phaedria · 16/09/2005 11:28

I have 3 children, all boys 6,3 and 7 months. Cant help wanting a fourth - tho I dont mind if it s boy or girl.....anyone any advice on 4 ??

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Miaou · 16/09/2005 13:12

Ironing? What's that?

Pollyanna · 16/09/2005 13:27

I have 4, the eldest was nearly 6 when the baby was born in January. I agree with Lou tbh - there is a big difference between 3 and 4 and I agree totally with all of the downsides she listed. We really notice that it is much easier when one of our children is away.

Having said that I am enjoying it now (didn't for the first few months), but I have help as well. I am having to force myself to turn a blind eye to the mess and the chaos and just get on with things. I have to be reconciled to the fact I will never be rich, or organised, or tidy or have any quiet or privacy, but I'm glad I've got them all most of the time!

oh i do think it helps with middle child syndrome too.

Janh · 16/09/2005 13:28

Oh, goodness me, MT! Had to do a quick google to check who she is but no, not at all offended - I don't think - should I be? (I don't watch WNTW!)

lou33 · 16/09/2005 13:30

Haha@ the janh comparison!

MaloryTowers · 16/09/2005 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joec · 16/09/2005 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rachey1969 · 16/09/2005 16:30

I have 3 - ds1 11, ds2 9 and dd 7, now pregnant with 4th due Jan - another ds! My kids are pretty self-sufficient already and I know the house will never be tidy or quiet but then I'm the youngest of 4. Dp wants number 5 already...!

hereshoping · 17/09/2005 20:29

Im expecting no 4 in Dec and have to have a 4th section. Just had to do it, always wanted 4 thou this pg has not been striaghtforward. Glad to hear middle child syndrome helped, big issue with that here. My others are 8,7 and 4, everyone thinks im mad with youngest just started reception. even now would have a fifth but section issue problematic

shhhh · 18/09/2005 23:36

Mmm got me thinking...So far dh & I only have one (18 weeks), we would love to have another 3 or 4 (not set in stone but a possibility). The more babies you have does this mean you have a higher risk of a cs..?? If yes, why..? Never really thought about that side of it..Also do subsequent babies get bigger..?? DD was 9lb 4oz ..scares me thinking of what baby no. 5 could weight .

MarsLady · 18/09/2005 23:43

I have 5. I know what lou means about the laundry the tantrums at both ends of the spectrum, but unlike lou I wouldn't change a thing.

We could do with a bigger place to live, a car and certainly lots more money lol.... but........ it's such great fun (even when I'm ready to swing for them).

We would've stopped at 4 but there was a BOGOF deal going lmao.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

The secret.... really LOW expectations lol

ghost · 19/09/2005 00:10

Am i of four and a middly one at that - it was great - both great fun and greatly annoying. If I was younger would definitely have 4, but are stopping at 3 ( i think!!!!) we didnt have middle child syndrone more 3+1 ( 8 years first to last so very difficult when youngest was very little. five years 1-3 was much easier to negoitate, but all in all none of us would have had it anyother way.

ghosty · 19/09/2005 02:21

Like ghost () I am one of 4 (the youngest). I can highly recommend being one of 4 but will likely stick to 2 myself.
My parents only had me because of the middle child thing ... apparently my sister coped very badly with the arrival of my brother so they decided to have another in the hope that it would balance it out ... I was the only planned one of the 4.
Plus sides that I can see:
As there is only 4 years and 10 months between the 4 of us we grew up as good friends. We always had someone to play with, my mother never had to fiddle about with playdates for any of us as there was enough going on at home. She also never bothered with playgroups etc as she said she had her own playgroup at home.
We all had a brilliant social scene as we were growing up ... my sister and I went out with our brothers' friends, our brothers went out with our friends. We were known at school as the "xxxx" family ... by the time I went to secondary school all the teachers had taught my siblings before me so I felt comfortable and happy at school.
We all looked out for eachother ... we often fought like cat and dog at home but at school not one of us got bullied or anything ...
As adults we are fairly close still ...despite the fact we are dotted over the globe. All our children (10 grandchildren in all) are close in age too which was great when we all met up in the UK this summer for my sister's wedding.

Downsides: My mother was knackered for years. She said she didn't get a full nights sleep for 10 years ... from when my brother was born to when I was 5. When she woke up the first morning after an undisturbed sleep she panicked and thought we had all died
I think having 4 babies had a massive impact on her physical health ... she is disabled now and a lot of her physical problems can be attributed to having 4 pregnancies so close together.
She has spent a lifetime looking after other people to the detriment of her own life and career (she gave up working after I was born). She is happy and content I think, having raised 4 pretty normal people but I know I wouldn't want to spend years and years with all that washing etc ... She used to say that the amount of socks she washed in a week made her feel that she lived with a centipede!

Anyway, enough rambling ... if you want 4 go for it ... I would love to have 4 if I had a full time live in maid

Rachey1969 · 19/09/2005 09:25

I think it's horses for courses! Some people find it difficult with one! I'm with VIctoria Gillick (and this is the only thing I agree with her about...) she had 10 and said the first 2 were the hardest.

Effective training is the answer, don't do everything yourself, especially boys - you don't do them any favours. My kids have dressed themselves from an early age, they get their school bags ready, ds2 (9) makes his own lunch and they all get their own breakfast in the morning aided by ds1 (11). (cereal and bowls at a low level, toaster on the kitchen table). It's exactly the way I was brought up as teh youngest of 4. When they come home from school they all make themselves a sandwich or toast. We make dinner altogether, ds1 chops (under supervision), ds2 stirs and dd grates cheese! (or similar small task). As ds1 says, he will always be able to make himself lasagne!

Shhh, a section would be less likely the more kids you have I would think, births should (!) get easier. Also mine didn't get any bigger - all 2 weeks overdue - ds1 9'5'', ds2 8'12'', dd 9'2'' - who knows about this one (number 4).

A friend of mine (no kids) came round one night last week. Ds1 was doing his homework at the dinner table, friends were calling for dd and the dog to play in the park, ds2 and a friend were up a tree in the garden in their karate suits. She said 'my god, it's like the famous five in here!' - I said yeah great isn't it?! BTW I also work full time!

ggglimpopo · 19/09/2005 09:28

Message withdrawn

Sallie · 07/12/2005 22:01

I would also LOVE a fourth. Have three already - any tips on persuading dh? DD2 is only 13 weeks so maybe this is the hormones speaking although definitely don't feel like my family is complete yet. Sadly we are running out of money so that may call a halt to my plans!!!

hana · 07/12/2005 22:05

i am one of four, 3 girls and then a boy
love having such a big family
but I wouldn' have 4 myself......maybe 3

Mincepiedermama · 07/12/2005 22:06

I have four and I love it. I don't feel it's any harder than having 3. You'll need a bigger car of course, but it's great to have a little gang. Also a family of six fits better around the table (unless you have a round table). I used to hate the gap when sitting round our kitchen table.

Mincepiedermama · 07/12/2005 22:12

I have to agree with ghosty though that the laundry is a serious consideration.
A family of 6 means 84 socks a week to be washed, hung, paired and put in drawers. That's quite a chunk of time to spend on socks.

My plan though is to get them doing their own. I already have them peeling carrots (my oldest is 7) and putting on washes. Before too long they'll be cooking me the odd meal, perhaps.

I also agree with ghosty that the physical impact of pregnancy needs to be taken into account. I had 4 in seven years and it has taken its toll. My mw used to say, 'leave a two year gap for the body to recover'.

BTW I have three boys and a girl.

PrincessPlumPuddingHead · 07/12/2005 22:22

ask me in 6 weeks.

I would say that the 4th pregnancy is 10 times more tiring and physically demanding than the others somehow. And I haven't got small gaps - my smallest gap will be this one (2 yrs 4 mths). My ribs ACHE (they have expanded 4" compared to my usual 2" - ouch), my pelvis is feeling very unstable and I've been SO tired. And this is the first pregnancy where I haven't been working like a demon in a high-stress job involving lots of travel - I thought it would be easy! HA!

Mincepiedermama · 07/12/2005 22:42

Sorry to hear this princess.
At least the birth should be easier. It really should.

PrincessPlumPuddingHead · 07/12/2005 22:44

birth is no problem! last one was 3 hrs, at home, in water, lovely.
I shall feel cheated if this one is any different

PrincessPlumPuddingHead · 07/12/2005 22:44

birth is no problem! last one was 3 hrs, at home, in water, lovely.
I shall feel cheated if this one is any different

Janh · 07/12/2005 22:45

Don't talk to me about socks!!! Mine all seem to wear 2 pairs a day each these days but they only get into the wash in halves - I have a huge basket full of odd socks. Sigh. If only we lived on a desert island where they could all go barefoot...

Mincepiedermama · 07/12/2005 22:46

Yep. My fourth was pretty quick too. There wasn't much left to split after all.

Mincepiedermama · 07/12/2005 22:47

Socks. Grrrrrrrrrrr!