Can I give 3 children as good a life as I can give 2?

[shocked23]

I have DS who's 3 and DD who's 1 and I've just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant.

We've only had sex once since DD was born. That was 3 weeks ago and as we weren't using protection I quickly stopped it before DP got carried away. Well, we were too late. He didn't finish but one had obviously escaped without us knowing.

Up until now we've always been 100% sure that our family was perfect/complete and we definitely didn't want anymore.

We have a small house but DD and DS have their own rooms.

We have both said we don't want this baby as we feel we can give 2 DC's a better quality of life than we can 3. Better clothes, holidays, education etc. We do have alot of debt and moving house is not an option.

Can I give 3 the same quality of life I can 2?

I'm just looking for people's experiences who didn't want a 3rd for this reason but have experienced otherwise.

At the moment I carry DD when I drop DS at school. Who holds DS's hand if both my hands/arms are taken up??

I love my children so much, they are my entire world but I feel that having an extra baby will just push them away and they'll resent me for spending less and less time with them. DS already pushes DD over, what would he do if I had another DS?

Anyone?

My son also pushes his younger brother (they too have 2 years difference) but now they both do it for fun. Not very funny to me though.. Once they become 4 years old they understand more and are not that jealous anymore!

About the lack of space, you could use bank beds.

Also, at least for the first year, the tax returns for an up to 1 year old are enormous and can make a big difference. I guess since you didn't want to have another baby you have thrown away the old children's clothes. Could you get 2nd hand from friend's maybe? Even new vests and baby grows are very cheap if you buy them from supermarkets.

As for the holidays I would rather have my children than holidays. We are so happy to have our children although we can't afford to travel to see parents who live abroad.

Having 3 means no one is left out when one of you is with them. One is with you, the others are together.

The baby will sleep, DD1 will (hopefully) still take naps, giving you some time with DS1 or on your own.

3 really worked for me. It is bloody hard work, don't get me wrong, but then any number is. You think you've got it cracked, and something comes along to throw you off course. But that happens anyway. DD1 was born two days after DS1s third birthday, so I know how hard it is, but also how good it is too.

I'm not very helpful because I wanted 3 (4 in fact). DC3 can be in a sling, leaving both hands free. And giving you time to work it all out.

You'll love DC3 as much as 1&2. They will love the baby. It won't make any difference to them whatsoever.

Good luck

I actually still have everything apart from some of my boy's clothes that I gave to a friend who had a boy a few months ago. My point is though, I wanted both my children to have a fantastic life and education and by having a third does that mean my other 2 will suffer as a result and have to settle for less??

Surely what you have to consider if whether a termination is right for you as you can't turn back the clock? If you're not 100% about it, it's probably a bad idea.

My DH was/is 1 of 3 and had a great upbringing and now has 2 great siblings he's really close to.

I find it sad to read that you're thinking of a termination just because you think your other children will 'suffer', you might not have enough room, you won't be able to have fancy holidays, and you have debt. None are very good reasons to me to get rid of a baby, which, presumably was conceived in love.

But to get to the practicalities - once this baby is born, both your present children will be older. As mine grew the two younger ones took my hands, and the eldest took the hand of the littlest on the other side. You talk about carrying your youngest (do you have a pram?) - get a pushchair for the middle child, and carry the baby, or get a double pushchair. Obviously whichever sex the new baby is shares with the same sex child you already have when old enough to go into their own room.

I had four and wouldn't be without any (and no.4 was a big big surprise too!).

DD has a tiny room only big enough for her bed and a drawer unit. DD would have to go in with DS until we win the lottery. I thought my mind was made up to not have the baby but I knew you'd help change that, I wouldn't have posted on here otherwise. Thankyou all xx

A lot depends on your lifestyle. If you are going on winter skiing holidays, then yes, it would cost more taking a third child along. But if you're renting a two bed cottage in the British countryside, it costs no more.

Your children won't suffer because they have a sibling. They will have someone else to love them, to enrich their lives, to care for, and to care for them.

Your 3 yo will love DS/DD2. Your 1 yo won't care either way.

You will feel guilty regardless, thats in our DNA as mothers. I know I felt terribly guilty because I had all mine so close and felt like I hadn't given each of them enough. With hindsight I know thats utter nonsense and wished I hadn't wasted my time on those negative feelings. But it only affected me, not the children.

I am the youngest of three - my mum told me once that I was an 'accident' ... but the best accident she ever had!

I am so close to both my brother and sister and I know that they never resented me or anything like that.. I think you have to accept fate and believe that it's happened for a reason :0)

well, i started almost the same thread, but i'm expecting my second- www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/1069973-How-do-you-manage-with-2-children?pg=1. have a look, may be, you'll find some answers too ;-). and congratulations!

y'know, we all question our decisions, we all have our doubts, we all question if we can love each of them enough, meet all their demands, give them all the attention.

but we can and we do.

We have three, aged 8, 6 and 4. DD was a "suprise", we hadn't ruled out a 3rd but didn't expect to have her quite so quickly!

OK, we probably have slightly less money than we would have done if we had stuck with 2. However having spent the last ten minutes watching the older two teaching the younger one how to write the sentence that she wanted to put at the bottom of the picture she had drawn I can honestly say that their quality of life is fantastic.

DS1 and DS2 share a bedroom. They love it. They even choose to share a bedroom when we are on holiday. Sometimes DD sneaks in and sleeps in the same room too.

When we are out and about often I hold DS2's hand and DS1 and DD hold each other's hands. When they were little I had DD in a buggy and one boy holding each buggy handle.

Yes, of course sometimes they argue. But they spend more time being best friends than falling out. Even in school they are fiercely protective of each other.

I wouldn't change my family for the world. OK so our annual holiday is in the UK and DS2 wears DS1's hand me down clothes, but everyone is happy. Which counts for more IMO.

i have three. it is work. but not impossible, and it will get easier as they get older and do more for themselves.

My DD and DS are now playing together for longer periods - i love hearing them tramp through the house giggling. Of course they fight, but trying to stop that is my job - and as they get older they seem to be able to play the same games nd enjoy each others company more.

they share a room and i have no idea where to put the baby, but we'll work something out if we can't move - its not going to be a problem until DD2 is old enough to climb out of a playpen anyway.

they both adore the baby. Ds is besotted, DD says baby is her 'best friend' ...

in short, you don't have to give all 3 a great life, they will do that for each other. you just have to provide the order, food, and background love for that to happen.

and do fuckloads of washing.

think back to first baby -tiring yes? if you were like me, you'd have been tired and ratty. Second the same. Third ...the same. It doesn't really increase, there's a point where you can't be more tired!

now if you really don't want another - you don't have to.

We have 2 children and one on the way (a surprise). We went throught the same feelings wondering what to do, but I am now really looking forward to having 3 children. Our DD is in a good size room and DS has a tiny room (only really big enough for his cotbed and a toy unit). We have decided we will find out the sex of the baby and then sort the rooms from there... baby can stay with us for at least a yr if necessary, and if it's a girl move in with DD and if it's a boy we may have to do some room moving (which could cause a few problem!). We have made a couple of sacrifices of activities already, feeling that the children do do enough already and we need to ensure we have the funds and time for them all.
You have to do what's right for your family, whatever that is.

Thankyou all so much for your lovely comments. DP got home from work and admitted he does want this baby and he could tell from the smile on my face that I do aswell so all being well we will get our bigger than expected family. I honestly just felt like I was taking something away from my 2 children by having a 3rd but I'm starting to realise the positives can outway the negatives. Plus my 2 were playing so nice today which really helped aswell. I blame my hormones :)

Thats nice to read. I have 5, soon to be 6 children. I don't have any brothers and sisters and was pretty spoilt growing up but all i ever wanted and still wish i had was a sibling. I didn't comment on this thread earlier because obviously i'm biased.
As for material stuff, my kids share their rooms but love sharing (they hate it when one of thems away on a sleepover). Education wise, we can't afford private but one of our children is on the gifted and talented reg for singing,drama,arts and english and another is for maths and science. All the children are doing well academically and i'm sure it will continue and we'll manage to get them through college and uni somehow (where theres a will theres a way).
Lovely to read you and your husband are now looking forward to having your 3rd though, congratualtions

That is lovely to read shocked. I do remember the feeling of utter panic in the beginning, but now am evangelical about the wonder of having three.

I can't persuade DH to have a fourth though!

shocked23 so pleased for you that you are looking forward to it now and good luck. these things happen for a reason :)

Shocked, that's brought a little tear to my eye

I am genuinely delighted for you both.

shocked, that's lovely to hear. Congratulations!

it took me weeks to accept i was pregnant and tell people - am only now getting really excited and looking forward to it in my 2nd trimester.

i'm one of 3 so know what i'm getting myself into and am v.gratefull and glad i have 2 siblings and not just 1 or none, despite being told about how my parents would have spent the extra money when we were growing up. my parents paid for what they thought really counted as we were growing up and i can't disagree with anything they did or complain about the things we didn't have. i am still feeling guilty when i think about the financial side of things for my kids growing up and the extra pressure to earn a good salary to maintain our standard of living but i know we will be happy and have everything we need with our fair share of luxuries.