No Hospital Visitors if Normal Birth - Am I the only one?

[CTJ82]

Hi all - hopefully you can give some guidance to a FTM...

I have said to family that, all being well, if the birth is normal then I don't want any visitors (other than DH of course!).

My reasons for this are because my hospital discharges after 6 hours if everything is ok and in that time the baby will need to be checked by the Dr, I will need to be checked by Dr, I really want to give BFing a go (so want lots of time for this) and honestly I want some bonding time for me, DH and DD before the visitors descend.

My DM understands but I think that i've upset MIL - obviously if there are complications and we are in the hospital for longer then visitors are welcome and I've said this.

Am I being selfish, or are you planning the same?

Totally fair enough - have you explained that post birth you need to be going through a series of medical appointments re. stitches checking, baby checking, BF checking etc therefore there will not be time?

I would not be in a rush to allow visitors to your home either - there are loads of threads on this but the general consensus seems to be that the first week with a NB is not a time to be hosting visitors and close family who want to peep should a) ring first not drop in b) bring something to eat and not expect to be fed c) make their own tea d) stay long enough for a photo, quickl cuddle, hearty congratulations of the new parents and then get lost. And DH needs to enforce this as gatekeeper whilst you and baba lie in bed, snuggling and recovering and doing skin to skin/getting the hang of feeding with your baps out and no worries about wandering inlaws.

if you are out in 6 hours, fine - you won't have time for visitors will you?

I had a quick (2 hr) normal birth with no complications, no tears etc. I was completely fine.

ds on the other hand was v v v sleepy (we didn't see his eyes open for 2 days) and wasn't feeding, and became slightly jaundiced - so despite the ease of my birth, we were in hospital for 3 days.
I would have welcomed visitors but both my parents and my inlaws were on holiday (baby was 3 weeks early).

I definitely wouldn't want visitors if was going v soon.

Even if you have a straightforward birth you may be there for more than 6 hours (entirely possible, esp with a first baby). But even so, what is the rush for them to see the baby? You will be bonding, you may not want to play "pass the baby" (I found it very hard to hand my PFB to anyone), you may be tired, not looking your best, feeling quite overwhelmed etc. This goes double if there are complications - even though I have always been in for days rather than hours tonnes of visitors after long labours and emcs were not my priority.
Other people can wait. They'll get over it.

Get your DH to tell them to come to the house once you have had time to settle the baby in.

Thanks for the responses, it's helped to affirm my original decision.

DH isn't the most assertive of peeps, so I needed to pass on our intentions about visits before the big day.

x

No this is what I am going to do. My inlaws wanted to come down on the birth but said no. Mum has terminal cancer and I do not want her to feel any pressure to come and see me in hospital. It could kill her. However if another relative says - call us when you go into labour or when they baby is born I am going to divorce my husband and become a hermit. I want time to spend with my baby rather than texting/calling.

TBH I am going to post the opposite view.
(1) I was always bored in hospital and more than happy to havr visitors
and
(2) if it were my grandchild I would like to visit her/him asap

I'd wait and see and tell relatives you'll let them know about visiting when baby arrives. You may be stuck in for 3 days for something minor and be bored stiff. If you're out in 6 hours, you won't have time for visitors, especially as extended family will have to wait for hospital visiting times whatever. If you're feeling awful, you won't be up to visitors.

I don't get how anyone is supposed to be able to tell relatives exactly when they can visit when you have no idea how the birth will go or (usually) exactly when it'll be!

Whether you're in hospital or home having ground rules seems to make sense - e.g. everyone must ask first and then ring to double check it's still okay, no long visits, everyone to help out if at home...

I wanted no visitors at the hospital but after posting about it here was persuaded that having them at the hospital is quite good as they are restricted by visiting hours and it will be easier to put people off visits at home for a few days if they have had a chance to see the baby in hospital.

Not sure what to do to be honest, If I get kept in then I quite fancy the idea of people coming for half an hour and then being chucked out by the midwife.

oh - and one of my best friends is insistant that I call her the second I go into labour. I have just nodded my head and smiled. I have no intention of telling anyone but my DH and the hospital!

i find this whole area quite difficult. its impossible to know in advance how a) labour is going to go and b) how you and baby are going be afterwards. it may be that you're kept in, but that doesn't mean you'll necessarily want visitors.

my general feeling is: if i end up having a cs then family are welcome to visit in hospital. they are, as stated before, restricted by visitng hours, there's no expectation to 'host' and they have to sort out food/drinks themselves. if i'm feeling grim then they're more likely to keep it brief - see baby, mum and dad and piss off!
if things go ok then i want at least a couple of days at home before people start appearing - have agreed with DH that three days is our absolute minimum before family start turning up. i know the grandparents will be bursting to see the baby, but they ought to try and weigh their 'needs' next to those of us who've not had babies before!

i know for a fact MIL is going to be practically wetting herself to see the baby....sigh....but she's not much use round the house and all she'll want to do is hold the baby and make a fuss of it [hmmm]

Hmm, tough one. My PIL will be staying not too far from us so may even be present when I go into labour if it's during the day (36+1 - PIL arriving from the US next week for two months). My parents saw my nieces in the hospital when my sister had her DC. Would only be parents and PIL but, as many of you say, there are medical things to be done post-birth and I really don't want anyone around for that or to be separated from DC1 if at all possible - even if it's for GPs to hold.

I only want DH around for labour, love PIL dearly but do NOT want them to witness any part of labour!

Think I may resort to DH calling/sending texts once baby and I are all cleaned up/stitched/got make-up on :o /etc, at which point it may be time to come home anyway, depending on how things go, as opposed to sending out word immediately LO is born.

Thanks again everyone for the responses, I take your points about the benefits of allowing a hospital visit (ie making it easier to get rid of visitors when they have outstayed their welcome)- but I am going to stick to my decision - unless we have to stay any longer than 24 hrs.

The 'going in to labour' thing never occured to me, I now have visions of DH popping out of the delivery room every 5 minutes to text MIL on progress. Will have to tell not to do this discuss this with DH tonight I think. :)

Not selfish at all those first few hours with just you baby and dpr are precious, I am planning homebitth with my 2nd and don't want any visitors for few days at least just want to bond with me baby dp and dd for a while. You need to do what is right for u, there's plenty of time for visitors

I don't want to be in hospital for long at all, but it is much easier to manage visitors from there. You won't look your best but to be honest no-one will be looking at you!

We told no-one when I went into labour. DD was born at 11am and DH rang round at about 2pm to let people know she had arrived, after we'd had our first cuddles, a bath for me, first checks, something to eat and a lot of slightly overwhelming sighing at our new little girl. So we had afternoon and evening visitors. It took the presure off the next day which was our first day at home when I really wanted it to be just the three of us.

We don't have the luxury of secrets this time as obviously we need someone to come and look after DD when I go in to have DD2 in January. Thankfully I have a very well behaved mum so she's coming, but no-one else.

For me, as much as I found it very difficult to let my PFB out of my arms, a whole new tear came to my eye when I saw my mum cuddling and chatting to her first grand daughter. Some things are so special you feel proud to share them - but only for 5 minutes at a time .

Because I have Gestational Diabetes again I know they'll keep me in for 12 to 24 hours post birth to check newbies blood sugar levels and I plan to get initial visits in for immediate family then, so when I get home there can be a few days of just the 4 of us without feeling like we have to turn people away. - Hospital has it's uses!

Perfectly sensible IME.

I had too many visitors with DC1 and it did a lot of damage,

Second time around I e-mailed everyone and told them to postpone visiting until I was up for it. XP's parents didn't turn up for 2 weeks - result !

I can completly understand grandparents wanting to meet new grandchild. But I think it's perfectly sensible to want to rest, recover, and bond with the baby before inviting people to come and visit. It's a matter of a few hours, not months, after all.

it's all up to you, tbh.
And you'll offend your in-laws from now on into the future, so they might as well get used to it now :) !

However, sometimes it's best not mentioning anything in advance and just waiting to see how it goes. THEN your dh can phone them, tell them the baby's here, but you might be getting out of hosp in a few hours, so he'll keep them posted. Rather than offending them beforehand, if you see what I mean.

Grandparents are more than desperate to see a new grandchild. And remember, you WILL need them at some point very soon, for various reasons - so just tread gently with them. :)

When I went home after 6 hours I didn't even get taken up to a ward, just stayed on delivery suite in a little 4 bed cubicle to await discharge. Only birthing partners were allowed in there. You may not even need to put the visitors off IME.

my dd came home after 8hours not many ppl came to see her ,but lots at home tho !!

TBH, its your DH that you need to discuss this with. I think the safest response is that you will see how you feel and they should text/ring to check first.

Then make it VERY clear to your DH that he should check with you before allowing visits. I was very, very cross with ex-DH when he brought his oldest (in her early 20s at the time) daughter to collect me from hospital with DD1. We are not that close and none of the rest of my family had seen her yet, including DS.

To weigh that up though I was also pretty peeved when MIL turned up to see us about an hour after we got home with DS and didnt leave until gone midnight. So perhaps I should have let her come to hospital instead.

Absolutely. I am going to be really clear that I want no one waiting at the house when we get back from the hospital with the baby.