Toddler's reaction to pregnancy

[Dinamit]

Hi All,

I just typed this long post and it vanished! I'll try to be brief.

I am 8 wks pregnant and it's as if my lovely 23-month old DS 'feels' another is on the way. He has become super clingy, there has been a definite change in his behaviour.

He started waking up at night calling for me and crying, cries when I put him in the cot for sleep times (whereas before he was very happy there), desperatly clings on to my legs if I try to go somewhere and generally wants my attention all the time.

I give him loads of cuddles and attention, and this puzzles me. A pregnant friend who is about 8 wks ahead of me, said her DD is the same. She has climbed her way back into her mummy's bed after a year of sleeping happily in her cot, and god forbid if her father tries to take her to bed- even though he's been doing it most times.

Anyone else experienced this or something similar?

Do you think out tots can really feel a difference, even if it doesn't make sense to them?

My baby is 20 months and our second is due in less than 3 weeks and he has behaved in a variety of different ways throughout the pregnancy. At the start he cried, screamed and grabbed my legs when I held a friends newborn (he didnt understand I was pregnant then though.) He then went through the pushing his dad off me whenever he kissed or cuddled me and tried to kiss me instead and then we visited my friend with the newborn again and he was fine with me holding the baby but when his dad held the baby that was it, lip quivering and tears??? Later in pregnancy he started to be aware that he was being told to be careful of my tummy because of the baby and he showed interest patting and kissing my bump and saying baby a lot. Then he started having tantrums and actually lashing out at us aggressively with frustration if he was told no ever and when he hit my bump his dad told him off once. Since then whenever his dad tells him off he tries to hit me. It has calmed completely now and he is being as loving as to begin with. He keeps wanting to play with the babies things and I havent the heart to say no. I think all you can do is be extra loving and involve them as much as possible, we are buying him a present from baby and for the baby from him and we've made everyone aware that we are trying to involve and interact with him over the baby as much as possible. He is a very loving and sharing child anyway so I am sure he'll adjust very quickly. I guess your little one is a bit older but that's how it's been for us.

My little boys been waking alot in the night/coming into bed etc. He knows i've got a baby in my tummy but now we tell him baby will be here soon i'm wondering if thats the reason why! never thought of that before.

My 2.5yo has acted up a lot more since I found out I was pg (am only 5+3 atm)... I really don't think I am acting different around her either, I am convinced she is reacting to hormones...

I didn't notice behaviour at that time as DS was 2.5 and was having a 'terrible twos' attack but when it was the day of my 12 week scan, we sat him down in the morning and told him we were going to the hospital and the lady was going to look in mummys tummy, we then said do you know what is there (or something along those lines, we hadn't told him yet) and he just said "a baby" very matter or factly and carried on playing!

I was very shocked that he knew and we were careful not to discuss it in front of him before that.

Interesting to hear from all of you ladies.

Yeah, my mum thinks that I maybe smell 'different' or something along those lines, as he is just behaving differently with me even though, as you say VeryHungryKatypillar, I really don't think I am acting all that different around him.

I have already started explaining that there is a baby in mummy's tummy, and we have also decided that we would like to take our DS to the scan.

By the way, CrazyPlateLady, were they ok with that in the hospital?

Oh, I just wanted to add that my DS stayed with his grandma this afternoon, while my parter and I took care of some errands.

He adores my mum and normally stays with her very happily,but this time he was calling for me the whole time, and knocking on our front door, as he wanted to go out to find me.

I don't know if this is due to some developmental attachment anxiety they go through around the age of 2, but I find it puzzling that my pregnant friend's DD is behaving the same, and she is 3 and a half months younger than my DS.

I think one of the reasons my dd, who is nearly 20 months with baby due any day now, has found the pregnancy hard is because I've been so tired and that has made me less available to her. She knows her brother is coming but these is no way she can really understand what that will mean.

The other thing I did want to say is that the 12 week scan isn't always good news so it might be better to wait for a later scan. We had very worrying results both from the nucal tests and the scan, and it would have been upsetting for my daughter to See me upset like that. All is well now but I just wanted to point that out.

I took my almost 4 year old into our 12 week scan; we've not yet told her I'm pg and she didn't really get it, just told her we were looking at my tummy. The hospital were fine with the 12 week scan, but said it was not possible during the 20 week scan to take another child in.

DS (21mo when I got pregnant) reacted funnily at various stages throughout pregnancy. I think a lot of it was the 'mummy is tired or sick so can't play with me and that makes me upset/annoyed' type thing than the baby per se. They do pick up quite quickly when mummy is under the weather and that can make them a bit clingier.

In later pregnancy we had a few books we read about the baby but would back off if he seemed disinterested or hostile about them or if he got a bit clingy afterwards. He also started asking to be carried a lot more because the few times he asked I couldn't carry him far so he wanted it more IYSWIM - I think testing my love for him :).

About a month before DD was due he went through a bad sleeping phase and only wanted me to settle him (previously happy with either of us). This was when we had started to talk abotu the baby coming soon.

Basically any change in my relationship with him (too tired to play, not able to carry him, talking about what happened when the baby was here) seemed to cause a short period of uncertainty but he then worked through it with lots of reassurance from me and was his happy normal self again.

He was 30 months when DD was born (5 weeks ago) and has been broadly fine since then and adores his sister.

Just keep reassuring your DC, giving lots of cuddles, back off talking about the baby if they seem to react badly to it etc.

dc2 didn't realise/listen/absorb that we were having dc4 - she was 3 years and 6 weeks when dc4 was born. She asked who the baby's mummy was and didn't belive us when we told her!

The hospital were fine with me taking DS. They never questioned it. I was also able to take him to the 20 week scan too. I wanted him to be involved as much as possible. If you can't get childcare, what can the hospital do? Loads of people have older children.

I didn't really consider the fact that there may be bad news at either scan. My thoughts were that if something did happen, DS was going to pick up on it anyway and we would explain it to him so it was better for him to 'see' for himself.

Also saw it (the 20 week scan) as a way of getting him to 'bond' as he isn't keen on younger children and seems to have a bit of a problem with them, particularly babies, although I have noticed he is getting a lot better now and he seems very excited about his sister. He even picked out a teddy/blanket thing in the shop without us saying anything and asked if he could buy it for his sister.

Hmm, that's interesting, I never really considered getting bad news at the scan. I guess once you have one healthy child, it is very easy to take it for granted that you will have another, and as we all know it, that isn't neccessarily the case.

Allyfe, you make a very valid point about feeling tired/sick and them picking up on it. I did wonder whether this is causing my son to be the way he is. I was practically falling asleep on the sofa the other night, but then I really made a conscious effort to give him plenty of attention another time.

Dinamit, it was exactly like that for us - the chances of downs were 1/4000+ for DC1 and for edwards (the other one which is much more serious and i'd not heard of) were 1/2000 the first time, so my OH didn't even come to this 12 week scan because we hadn't considered something would be wrong and figured he'd get to come to lots of others. I did take a friend, 'just in case', and for this baby the chances of downs were 1/34 and Edwards 1/5!! That was horrible enough, and I had the CVS there and then. But there was also a potential blockage of the bowel which, when we asked the consultant what would happen if it was blocked, he said would case the baby to die in utero. It was a very 4 weeks until we had a further scan which gave the baby the all clear.

Obviously I would hope this wouldn't happen to anyone, but I did want to mention it because we just didn't REALLY consider it.

Wishing you a really happy healthy pregnancy :) and all of us toddlers who adjust easily to the new arrivals!

I should have said 1/12000 for Edwards the first time!

Wow allyfe, that sounds traumatic - we don't get anything like that sort of info at 12 week scan; just "there's a heartbeat" and "measurements look OK" - bloods taken for Downs etc at 15 weeks (and I know it was around 12 weeks last time so you could choose nuchal if you wanted, so not sure why they've changed)

Our hospital actually states on the scan appointment letters not to bring young children to the scans as it can disturb the sonographer.

Hi, some of your posts describe how my ds has reacted to news of my pg to a tee. I am only 6.5 weeks, and my ds is 2.2, and we told him the day we found out he was going to have a baby brother or sister. He said "NO" very emphatically, and every time it has been brought up in front of him since. He has been really clingy to me and has started waking in the night screaming (he's always been a really good sleeper), not settling at bedtime, and pushes dp away from me every time we have a cuddle.

We have made a pact not to mention it to him until I start showing now, as he just seems to be so upset. I am worried about how we are going to broach the subject again and how we are going to get him used to the idea, anyone have any tips? My Mum has suggested buying him a doll to play with, and I thought I might search for some good "new baby in the family" children's books, if anyone knows of any?

We're told on letters than children can attend the 12 week but they wouldn't recommend it as it can be traumatic and that for the 20week scan children can attend but must be kept out of the room till the end of the scan cause they disturb the sonographer.

I've just found out I'm pregnant and I have been wondering if my 2yo has been being more affectionate and perhaps a little clingy too... but it might just be in my head! We're not going to tell her for a while yet but I think I'll be getting her these books for Christmas 8rubberduckies

There's Going to Be a Baby - got a very good review in one of the weekend papers recently

There's a House Inside My Mummy

Thanks for the links itisntreallyme , best of luck with your pregnancy!

I wouldn't take ds to a scan. I had a 12 week scan where we discovered we had lost the baby way back at about 5 weeks but the pg had continued as the sac etc was still growing. I was devastated and although yes of course ds 'picked up' on my sadness afterwards at least he didn't have to see his mum in absolute pieces and complete shock.

I'm not for a second saying this will happen to you but do feel that it's easy to dismiss such a possibility if you have always had positive scans.

I guess IMO if your child is not there and it is a perfect and wonderful scan that is less of a negative than if your child is there and the scan is not good.

I sound like a right hatchet-faced pedant if I say that the scans are really there to check for problems not just so we can see the baby, but it really is the truth. Although seeing the baby is truly wonderful of course :)