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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

36w - freaking myself out

24 replies

lainey1981 · 25/10/2010 12:20

hello,

I feel silly for writing this but over the last week or so as the birth of my first baby gets closer, i have started to get really worried that something will go wrong. (probably not helped by all the sad stories i have read on here)
I am worried he could be stillborn
I have had upsetting dreams of things going wrong
yesterday spent ages researching dwarfism convincing myself he might have this condition,
i am panicking he could be deaf, blind, have autism, cerebal palsy etc etc

Does anyone else feel this way? I know most of what I am worried about is highly unlikely but can't stop thinking abotu th fact that after these long 9 month I might still not get to take a healthy baby home.

the rational part of me says stop thinking about it and go do some nesting,but the other part of me can't stop.

i know i probably have too much time on my hands ....
and it's not like these thoughts occupy my mind constantly, but still am I abnormal to be focusing on these less positive things?

OP posts:

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sh77 · 25/10/2010 12:24

Very natural and normal to worry. No point anyone saying to you try not to worry, as you still will.

If all has been well until now, the chance of something major happening is rare and hopefully will not happen.

Best thing is to keep yourself busy - make a list of thing you can do now but won't be able to when baby arrives.

Original poster

lainey1981 · 25/10/2010 12:28

thanks sh77. i will get on it. think it doesn't help that have been signed off with SPD for the last 2 weeks so now my maternity leave has started I am already a little bored.
i need to get out of the house i think

OP posts:

missdt · 25/10/2010 12:33

I think it's probably very normal. I am 37 weeks and getting jittery here and there - what if there's something we don't know about, what if the baby or I die in theatre (extreme I know but the fear is still there). I definitely think there's something about getting this far safely yet thinking it could still go wrong.

I think the thing is NOT to indulge yourself. Stop reading about stuff that will only wind you up. There's no way of knowing and the chances are very very slight. Try to let the rational side of you win and enjoy getting ready for your baby. Deal with problems as they come rather than get yourself in a state for no reason. Easier said than done I know but you might need to be strict with yourself.

Good luck!! Keeping busy definitely helps.

MummyB2010 · 25/10/2010 13:08

I was exactly the same at around 36/37 weeks. I would worry constantly that something will go wrong during delivery or that my baby will be stillborn or have a medical condition.

As time has gone on (now 40+4) I am now so excited that there isn't really enough room in my head to be too worried. I am just so excited to meet my baby that all my other worries have taken a back seat. They are still there, but I've found it gets easier for me to manage.

vmcd28 · 25/10/2010 18:29

i'm nearly 36 weeks, and feel the same. Instead of feeling excited, i'm scared of it all, and worried something might be wrong with baby. I had a "high" risk of Downs, but all subsequent scans have reassured us - till now, as my mind's working overtime...!
Just to say it's normal to be worried. I guess we all have to try to think positive and pray for a healthy wee thing to arrive

AbiAbi · 25/10/2010 19:36

I'm right there with you OP. I'm due on Nov 21st and absolutely terrified! I'm excited as well, but it's hard to shake off the nerves.

TheMulledBloodsOnMe · 25/10/2010 19:50

I think that the only thing that you can do is accept that you don't really have any control over the future and if someting did happen then you need to trust yourself that you would deal with it. We are all capable of amazing strength and resources so it's best not to look to far into the future and worry about all the possibilites. Just accept the here and now and if you are faced with something, then you will get through it and deal with it. Letting go of trying to control events/worrying about the future, is very liberating.

Original poster

lainey1981 · 25/10/2010 20:01

thanks for all your lovely replies. I feel more 'normal' now.
no one tells you you will spend the entire 40 weeks a nervous knicker checking, google searching wreck. guess it will prepare for the lifetime of worry joy our LOs will bring

AbiAbi you are my due date twin!

OP posts:

bundlebelly · 25/10/2010 20:03

Agree that it is normal to be fearful at this stage. Avoid the sad, scary things at the moment. Don't worry!

AbiAbi · 25/10/2010 21:11

We can take bets on who'll be first . Is it the birth you're worrying about, or being a mum? There's loads of positive birth stories around if you're panicking about labour.

vmcd we had a high Downs risk too. I thought I'd made peace with it as our scans didn't show any soft markers either, but it does play on my mind at times at the moment.

vmcd28 · 25/10/2010 22:01

Abi, thanks for making me feel more normal re the Downs risk. Like you, no soft markers found at either of the two subsequent scans but I'm thinking about it all again.
I have a 5yo and never really worried about about any of it with him. Amazing what a few years experience does to a person...

pinkyp · 25/10/2010 22:42

I feel the same! Due 25th Nov, obsessed its gonna be stillborn or i'll end up needing a c-section or blood transfusion etc

vmcd28 · 26/10/2010 09:23

Pinky, worrying about it being stillborn etc is one thing, but a C section or blood transfusion is more than possible, so maybe it is something worth getting your head round!
I'm having an elective C-section this time round - I'm not sure why that would terrify you so much!

Original poster

lainey1981 · 26/10/2010 09:57

Abi i vote me to give birth first - and soon!
I am not that fearful of the birth, having been my sisters birthing partner this year (incidentally the day before i found out i was pg) and it was such a quick, calm birth really put my mind at rest. It's mainly that he will be stillborn or have some as yet undiagnosed disability that will affect his life.

i have read a couple of similar posts and realise that lots of people feel the same way, so am hoping it's just my mothering hormones kicking in, and am ensuring I focus on the positive for now.

I have my first ante-natal class tonight, so time for DP to be freaked out about labour/birth ... lets hope they play a video

OP posts:

pinkyp · 26/10/2010 10:27

I know its a possibility, its just something i really dont want - heard a few horror storeys so my own fault for listening. I nearly had to have one last time and if needed i'd have to have one, just scares me.

vmcd28 · 26/10/2010 11:15

Pinky, I hope it didnt sound like I was being patronising, wasnt meant to...
All I meant was, it's not an "irrational" thing to think about.
I'm the opposite to you - I had such a horror story with a natural birth that I cant wait for my C-section! :)

emmyloo2 · 26/10/2010 12:58

Oh dear, me too. Due Nov 12th and just the last week worried he is going to be a still birth but also that he will be born with some kind of illness. I am not that worried about the actual birth part (which I probably should be) but just worried about the baby. Everything has been completely fine in this pregnancy and we had a lovely 4D scan at 27 weeks which showed a perfectly healthy baby. But I am worried something has gone wrong and he has been deprived of oxygen or something in the womb and will have problems. It sounds horrible even to verbalise these thoughts.

pinkyp · 26/10/2010 13:01

No i understand what you were saying still born / dying in labour is a very very small risk of where as c-sections / blood transfusions are very common....i think thats what you ment?

I wouldnt mind having a planned c-section as i can prepare for it.

AbiAbi · 26/10/2010 19:56

VMCD - I think its entirely normal that all the concerns re:Downs come back around now, so close to the date. Can I ask what it was that put you in a high risk factor? My nuchal scan was ok - 2.5mm, but my blood tests came back with "bad" numbers I feel okay about it now, its more the 3am insomnia induced panics that are stressing me out!

Lainey - good luck at your antenatal class tonight!

I have been cleaning like a mad woman today, nesting anyone?!

vmcd28 · 26/10/2010 22:11

Abi, I didn't get a figure at the 13w scan cos my area were just being trained to do them. However I was told it all looked fine. Then 16w bloods showed high risk. Two scans and a 3d scan showed no cause for concern, ie if I hadn't had bloods done, there wouldnt hv been anything to suggest there was a problem. Sounds similar to u?

AbiAbi · 27/10/2010 17:16

Exactly the same! I rue the day I let them take those bloods to be honest . I always thought I would be the person who would definitely have amnio and need to know for sure, but when it came to the crunch I was too terrified to have CVS or Amnio.

We had a 3D scan too, it did provide a lot of reassurance, although I sobbed all the way there in case anything came up!

vmcd28 · 28/10/2010 09:34

I know what you mean. Altho I knew I'd never risk an amnio. But I've heard so many things since then about the blood tests and how inconclusive they are on their own. If I'd known all this I'd either never have had them or at the very least it would have stopped me being so terrified and upset when I was told I was high risk.

Samraves · 28/10/2010 10:19

I think now there is so much emphasis on tests and scans and being informed - but I think this is a double edged sword.

I remember having a conversation with my first midwife (thank god she retired and I got a new lovely MW) at about 8 weeks or so for booking in. I made a comment that I didn't plan on telling anyone till 12 weeks when the risk of miscarriage was a bit lower. She said "well, my dear, things can go wrong at any stage you know - I tell my mums not to assume everything is ok until they are holding their babe in their arms"

And I just though "Ohhhhh, thanks very much for that then"I am such a worrier anyway!

vmcd28 · 28/10/2010 12:08

Samraves, you're exactly right. There are probably millions of things that could go wrong, but will not go wrong in 99.999999% of cases. Yet we worry so much about the things we can test for.

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