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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

What's possible in early days of motherhood?

31 replies

strumble · 14/10/2010 20:54

Hi all,

I'm 9.5 weeks off my EDD. First baby. I'm a writer and racing to finish my novel. Today my editor pointed out some key flaws which will need a lot of work. I thought I'd be finished by my due date, but maybe not.

How ridiculous is it to think that I might have any headspace or time to think about doing some work here and there in the early months?

Thanks very much for your thoughts

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oranges · 14/10/2010 20:56

You may be able to do some work from home, but its quite hard to hit deadlines. Thinking is more exhausting than you realise its going to be with a newborn.

TheMulledBloodsOnMe · 14/10/2010 20:59

I think you are being very ambitious if you think that you will either have the time or the energy to do anything else other than the basics after having a baby.

You might end up having a c-sect so will be able to do even less.

You are exhausted and for me it felt like I was wading through treacle. It took hours to get anything done.

Any spare time you do have you will want to be getting yourself a drink, popping to the loo, getting dressed, having a wash, brushing your teeth, getting something to eat or none of the above!

You probably will be so in awe at your baby that you just won't have the head-space to even think about you book! It will seem like it's from another planet!

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 14/10/2010 20:59

possible. But unlikely, in the first couple of weeks at least. And remember, it all depends how the birth goes and what type of sleeping pattern if any your baby might have. Some people may have a very smooth quick labour which they bounce back easily from, have a baby that settles into a nice relaxing sleep pattern from the outset and all is calm and chilled, and there is time for 'you' if you really want or need it.

Sometimes, people have long, or difficult or just tiring births, which they take a little while to recover from, or a baby that has colic, or feeds hourly or does not settle well. And then any 'you' time goes out the window. And you get lots of people with variious degrees of those things.

with DD, i had a reasonable amount of 'me' time which was fortunate as my mother was ill and we spent a lot of time travelling, and visiting hospitals and whatnot, she was content and happy to be stuck in a car for hours on end. My DS, now 10 months, fed 1-2 hourly from the outset, for the first 3 months, and then at growth spurts, and while content when not feeding, mostly fed, so any thought of 'me' time went out the window. When I was not feeding, i was sleeping.

I think, hope for some, but do not rely on it.

japhrimel · 14/10/2010 21:02

I know my Mum says my Dad thought he'd be able to finish a book with a newborn (me!) and really struggled.

stripeywoollenhat · 14/10/2010 21:03

i would try really hard to get it done pre-birth, if i were you. not only because you can't tell what sort of little one you are going to have (some sleep a lot, some really, really don't [bitter experience emoticon]) but you really might not be in the right frame of mind - in retrospect, i was completely, i think hormonally, incapable of anything but the whole motherhood jag for the first few years months. that's not true for everybody, possibly not even for most people, but you can't tell till you get there... good luck with it

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns · 14/10/2010 21:04

it's very unpredictable.
a friend of mine finished a play in the first few weeks of her ds's life - he very kindly slept a lot and didn't cause her any trouble otherwise. But I think she got lucky.

come to think of it, I submitted a grant application when my ds2 was tiny and I could have done similar with dd if I'd had to, but not with ds1 who left me insane with lack of sleep for most of the first year.

do as much as you can before s/he is born; if your career depends on it, you will probably manage to do a bit afterwards but it might make you miserable. (But fingers crossed it will all be easy & lovely.)

grumpypumpkin · 14/10/2010 21:09

I had some university work which I did not manage to finish before I had my baby 3 months ago. Really cannot face doing it now, feel it would interfere too much with my baby time! But will have to drag my sorry arse to the library at some point...

Original poster

strumble · 14/10/2010 21:20

thanks all. I intend to work my ass off in advance, of course - now i'm even more terrified of the early days! My career does sort of depend on it. Oh well. Just have to keep focused and hope for the best and deal with it as it happens.

OP posts:

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns · 14/10/2010 21:22

if you have to do it you will do it. At worst it will be stressful but you will do it.
Do you have a supportive dp who can, for instance, take the baby out in its buggy while you work?

Original poster

strumble · 14/10/2010 21:27

Yes, DP is a scriptwriter and very supportive. He promises to do whatever he can to help me, and I know he will, but it will all be about the sort of baby boy we have...

The book is written, but a section needs restructuring. This is typically much easier than working with a blank page. I'm very disciplined, up at six each day working, so I'm hoping that I can get nearly there (as long as baby isn't early).

It just fills me with a lot of stress to think that I will leave it unfinished and lose the thread with it. The baby is massively important and life changing etc. But I've been working on the book for a fair while and it's also important too.

Sorry. I probably sound nuts. Just a little upset about it.

OP posts:

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns · 14/10/2010 21:32

IME when the baby first arrives your head is still occupied with everything else, so it is not too hard to pick it up.
The hard bit is if you leave it all for months, it is tough to get back into it.

the baby takes your brain over gradually, rather than instantly, IYSWIM. However if you are having difficulties (eg trouble bf, or if there is anything wrong with the baby) then you have to use all your time and effort on it.

you don't sound nuts at all. And if you have a baby like my friend's you will be fine.

LadyPeterWimsey · 14/10/2010 21:32

I had DS1 half way through a semester of language learning and had to finish all the material and learn the vocab while feeding the baby, and then take the three-hour exam when he was 8 weeks old (I wasn't even sure if he would take a bottle of expressed milk from DH).

So anything is possible! I did however really resent having to give anything else head space when all I really wanted to do was adore my newborn and sleep. And he was a very very easy baby in terms of sleeping and feeding - there's no way I could have done it with a less settled child and a less supportive DH.

Original poster

strumble · 14/10/2010 21:40

I know it's possible - and I really thank you all for sharing your thoughts - it just sounds so stressful! I wanted to be in a place where I could just be thinking about the baby and me and DP.

OP posts:

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns · 14/10/2010 21:44

in practical terms, if you can type and breastfeed at the same time you will find it easier. You may find a sling of some kind (eg a ring sling or wrap sling, rather than Baby Bjorn type) makes it possible to do sitting at a desk; I have a highish coffee table with a laptop on it in front of my sofa which makes it possible. I also used to manage it with a very small laptop that could perch on my knees in front of the baby (ie baby between me and the laptop, obviously).

Once you have bf established comfortably, that can be the time when the baby needs your attention least, so you have the most headspace.

Original poster

strumble · 14/10/2010 21:46

Good idea sethstark.. I'll look into those slings

Alternatively I just work through the night for the next 9 weeks!!

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moppetymum · 14/10/2010 21:52

I can't believe anyone can type and breastfeed at the same time! A miracle in itself!
Try to get it done now - you can go overdue by 13 days so there's some extra time.
I recommend getting baby used to going to sleep in it's moses basket by settling itself during the day and on an evening by around 7-8pm (place in moses basket whilst awake so that it learns to settle itself) - should only take approx 4 nights and a max of 15 mins crying. Try not to cuddle or rock baby to sleep as it will then rely on this method for many months!
I have 2 children and 3rd on the way and it worked brilliantly for me. Obviously baby will wake up to be fed but again, will learn to settle itself to sleep.

Merrylegs · 14/10/2010 21:54

You will do it! 9 weeks is masses of time. That takes you up to Christmas, right? Psychologically you would probably be thinking that is a good end time anyway, baby or no baby.

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns · 14/10/2010 21:55

people post on MN while breastfeeding all the time!

BikeRunSki · 14/10/2010 22:02

A friend of mine wrote her MSc dissertation with a newborn (born a couple of weeks after her MSc exams). I think it depends on what is driving you.

moppetymum · 14/10/2010 22:05

Don't think my b'feeding technique is up to scratch then - what a struggle. I'm having another baby in a few days so maybe I need a sling

japhrimel · 14/10/2010 22:17

I've ordered a sling in the hope that it might make it easier to get the occasional thing done with baba, even if it is just make a cup of tea!

If the work is the kind of work you can do on a laptop, typing with one hand while dealing with plenty of distractions and interruptions then it might be more do-able. I think it's very ambitious to be hoping for much alone-time for work with a newborn - if you're not feeding, you'll probably be sleeping or trying to get a shower or some food.

I'm hoping I'll be able to get back to doing some work quite early on through having my laptop on the kitchen counter or by the sofa so I can check email if I get a free hand for 10 minutes! Might end up just being on MN though.

PipPipPip · 14/10/2010 23:21

Thanks for this discussion - I'm hoping to finish my PhD thesis after my child is born. SOMEHOW!!

But here's what I'd like to know: I know it is busy, crazy and stressful having a newborn. But when does this start to subside slightly? When am I likely to get my brain back?

My partner works flexible hours and is lovely. So at what point do you think I can hand the baby to him for 1/2 a day and hit the library?

seasister · 15/10/2010 13:25

I agree with the other posters - it's a combination of what is driving you and the sort of baby you have! I've got friends who've been in similar situations (as I am) and some have done exams the day after the baby is born, and gone on to really push themselves in the first few months (not always out of choice). Others couldn't make it to the end of the street without collapsing. You still have a fair few weeks. I wouldn't think that far ahead as it's counter productive. I'd probably just hunker down now and what will be will be - your life won't be over by a long way. The worst case scenario is that it will be on hold for a while. Anyway, aren't writers always missing their deadlines

shandydrinker · 15/10/2010 13:30

Its possible if you have some support I guess, but if it were me Id do as much as I could before the baby is born. You may have more time than you think, you could go to 42weeks like Ive done (twice)

Original poster

strumble · 15/10/2010 13:56

Yes, let's pray I go to 42 weeks!

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