is anyone else's bloke completely useless?!

[linziluv]

I'm so fed up with my other half...he has no clue what a woman goes through in pregnancy. He's a fantastic father to our son. In fact my son lives with him due to the severity of post natal depression. We're still a couple but live separately (a mile apart).
We didn't plan this pregnancy...I didn't want any more because of my experience last time. However, here I am 7 weeks gone and I'm trying to be optimistic that I won't feel the same way this time.
My partner talks of names one day, then tells me to get rid when we're arguing. I'm working full time with bad morning sickness, as well as having my son half the week. He doesn't work so doesn't have rent worries like myself. He tells me we can't afford another baby (this is what his mother says btw), and that I won't cope with another!! The cheek! He has it so easy, and yes the post natal depression was a hard time for him also. He calls himself a "full time" father...tho I have him 3 nights a week and the mornings I don't have my son he drops him off so he can go back to bed till 2pm!!
He ain't got a clue about the real world...this is a 37 year old man by the way, I'm just 24. He says I wont bother to do anything with my life after this one (I was training to be a nurse, workin till 38 weeks pregnant but due to the depression had to leave)...this baby is due may 2011 so still applying to uni for september nxt year.
More than anything I'm worried what people will think. I left my son with his dad and now here I am pregnant again. I know I did this in my sons best interest...I wasn't well but now I'm stronger than ever and I want this baby to prove to myself that it was the depression and not me as a mum.
In my last pregnancy my partner was useless...makin me feel bad about housework etc and tea (although he's never worked!)...when I went into labour at 2am he sent me away from the bedroom sayin "you're not, it's too early) and my mum had to leave work in the middle of the night to be with me!

Sorry, I know I've gone on a bit but I'm just so confused and feeling a little vulnerable. I'm also dreading telling his mum as she won't be happy one bit unless we tell her it's a girl then she'll be delighted (yes, this is the type of woman I gotta deal with!). My mum is over the moon and tells me I could cope with 2 kids on my own no problem so I shouldn't worry too much!
If anyone has any advice on PND, interfering mother in laws and inconsiderate pigs of partners, I'd be very grateful!!
X

Hi there, you say he's a fantastic father to your son? Yet he has never worked, and doesn't seem to do anything with his life. How can this man be a positive role model for your son? Even if he has a mental or physical health condition, this should not have stopped him seeking some form of employment, whether it be part-time work or self employment. Having a son has not given your waster of a partner, the slightest impetus to improve his life. This is a bad sign. The fact that he is already starting to put you down, saying you won't work again blah blah, is actually his fear that you won't be the main provider for these 2 children. Put the focus back on him from now on. Start questioning him on his reluctance to work, and keep with it. This will shut him up and reveal him to be the lazy, immature and manipulative loser he is. Finally, make him aware of the massive rewards available to people like him, getting a job. He will most likely receive working tax credit, return to work credit and a few one off payments. And there is so much free trainig available to the long term unemployed. He has absolutely no excuses, not even if he's a bi-polar, one legged diabetic !!

Lol...that made me chuckle...I know you're right...I was so dependent on him while I had post natal depression and now I'm independent again I don't think he likes it. He knows I don't need him anymore. I'm having doubts about this pregnancy...it's not an ideal situation to bring another baby into. I can't have a termination and I truly believe this has happened for a reason (I was on the pill and was sensible)....I read so many stories about women who can't conceive or have MC after MC so who knows if this may be my only chance. I have great support so even if I do it as a single mum, I know I can do it...and still work! I know it'll be hard but his/her daddy will always be there for them.
Am I awful carrying on with this pregnancy???

He sounds like a total idiot.

You are not awful for carrying on with the pregnancy, but I would seriously advise that you think about it in terms of being a single parent.
It doesn't sound as if you and your partner have any respect for each other, so why on earth are you together?

No you are not awful linziluv, men don't and can't understand the emotional bond that a woman makes with her baby when he/she is still growing inside. From the moment I found out I was pregnant an overwhelming instinct took over me where suddenly I had to protect this little thing and make sure no harm came to it. At 4 weeks pregnant I was so worried I was going to lose the baby (irrational, this is my first pregnancy so I have no history of mc) that I lost sleep over it. My OH who was also excited I was pregnant made the most insensitive comment he could ever make (imo) of "If we lose it we'll just try again". He didn't understand. Granted I believe this bond is only made where the baby is well and truly wanted, which it is in our case.

As far as your baby's father goes I'm at a loss for what to say. I don't believe in being disrespectful about other peoples partners but you have a very unusual relationship. Can I assume the reason you don't live together has something to do with the benefits he would lose if you were to live together? Or is that me being cynical? Who am I to question your choice of lifestyle but to be honest it looks like if you do this you are doing this on your own as a single mum.

A comment you made has concerned me a little "I was so dependent on him while I had post natal depression and now I'm independent again I don't think he likes it" added to the fact he's 13 years older than you and has a tendency to put you down he sounds like he likes to control you and as much as I hate to say it this is verging on Emotional abuse which is equally as damaging as physical domestic violence but without the vis-able scars (I went through a similar thing years ago but without the babies). Seriously, you sound like you're better than him and if he wants to keep you he should sort out his priorities and start working for his family.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

whatever you might think ,you are a single parent, with a wonderful mum who you should stick to like glue. You had pnd but have you considered that this person made it much much worse?
Think of yourself as a single mum and use your mum for emotional/practical help. Look to the community for help, then when you have a picture of whats out there and you feel stronger,look to what he actually does to help you pros and cons. Dont be too harsh but dont be to romantic or overly forgiving either.
You are an adult finding your own way,not a nursemaid to a truculent tee3nager dressed up as a man.
You can do much better,you just need better support to find it. Dont shoot yourself in the foot by not putting yourself first.
Remember, if mums happy and strong then the kids have a better chance.

It's nothing to do with benefits why we don't live together. The relationship got violent and I left for mine and my sons sake. I was not mentally stable enough to look after my son during that time and I knew if I wasn't there my partner would NOT have been aggressive...I can't stress that point enough that his anger has never been directed at our son although I know it's just as bad that he would have heard/seen it. The violence STOPPED...since living on my own we get on better (the former home was a one bedroom flat)....although he does still try and control certain things but he can't as I don't let him.