Mum to be gone mental...

[babygibbon]

Am I going insane? Or just very hormonal (I'm 25 weeks pregnant). It's a long story, so I'll give you the shortened version (and hope that there's no one who knows me from RL here!)

Yesterday lunchtime I flipped. I was overtired and DH was being completely unhelpful (not deliberately, just being his usual self really), the house was a tip, I hadn't got my promised lie in and had had a completely unproductive morning at work (I'm also facing potential redundancy at work so it's quite a stressful time - not that I'm making excuses). DD (14 months) was in nursery, and DH and I had a major argument which ended up in me being completely irrational and hysterical and downing half a bottle of wine. Not good. I guess I did it part to hurt DH and part out of frustration. Anyway DH got really worried and phoned NHS direct to check I hadn't hurt the baby, who then got all worried about my mental health, and phoned our health visitor, who then phoned me to check I was okay. I took the afternoon off work, and DH took a couple of hours off to look after me and collect DD from nursery.

To be honest, I'm fine. Full of regrets for my irrational and stupid behaviour, and worrying about the baby's health and my lack of self control. But I don't feel depressed, I just got overwhelmed by everything. Normally I can keep everything in check, but there seems to be something about pregnancy that stops me keeping it all in perspective. I know DH has his weaknesses, but he's actually trying really hard and there was absolutely no reason for me to fly off the handle to that extent.

Am I alone in this selfish, uncontrolled behaviour? I feel awful for the baby, I know how lucky I am and was in no way trying to hurt him / her (as the health visitor suggested), I just felt trapped and needed to lash out at DH and let him know how bad I was feeling. But it was momentary. I'm knackered today but otherwise fine - I don't feel depressed - can I be and not realise it? Will I have hurt the baby?

Any suggestions for preventing this horrible side of me coming out? It didn't happen when I was pregnant with DD....please tell me I'm not alone on this.

dont worry too much b/g i think we all have those irrational moments its just that we all have unique ways of dealing with them. there is such a thing as antenatal depression which, like post natal depression shows itself in a variety of ways. maybe if you were feeling trapped it was your body and minds way of tellin you that you need a little time to yourself. at this point in your babys development it is 'safe' to have a small glass of wine etc per day so if you drank 1/2 a bottle it will more than likely have little effect on the baby- theyr really resillient creatures! other than it bein a little drunk for a few hours it wont have harmed it! if you have any other worries you should maybe speak to your m/w- just for peace of mind.
this may help your dh to realise that you need a bit of time to yourself every once in a while so you may be able to pull somethin positive from a negative experience!
keep your chin up!!

You're most certainly not - when pregnant with DD2, I once kicked, no booted dd1's potty right across the room - in front of her and kicked (and I'm really not proud of this, our lovely dog - not hard, but he tripped me up, so won one.

It was a red mist that just used to descend on me.

After each incident (and am sure there were others) bust into tears.

babygibbon, youre absolutely normal, its the OTT hormones, and I'm right there with you.
cant say drinking that wine was the clevest move, but you already know that, and like Ei says, no lasting harm done.......other than your h/v and midwife may be abit more interested in how you are more often now!
it is indeed poss to be depressed and not really 'realise' it, you have to take these mad black moments and add them up -do they add up to most of the time? rare occassions? if they are alot of the time, or most of the time, it certainly wont help to speak to someone about PND- and Antenatal depression. I had horrible PND after my last baby and already they -midwives, h/v, Dr, etc- are rallying round me incase I get it again. and I think I am, I think I feel I may be spiralling downwards.
Personally I have acted just like you did recently-mad angry moments- and can say mine are always an over -reaction, but a reaction anyway, to me being over tired, stressed, worried about the future, feeling like everyones maid.........etc. take some time out, try hard to relax, and keep coming to talk to us on due in dec. these pg hormones are not a myth, they really really can bring out the worst in everyone too.

meant, of course, it certainly wont HURT to speak to someone. duh!

Hiya babygibbon! im 38 weeks pregnant and i too have outbursts that i always feel really bad about afterwards! i shouted my head off at ds1 the other day for no reason at all and i really upset him - really really ashamed at myself over that! for what its worth, my dear friend didnt know she was pregnant until she was 6 months gone and had only a short time before she found out, spent 2 weeks in tennerife, spending all night drinking and all day sleeping it off! needless to say she was very worried what affect all that alchohol would have had, but she gave birth to a healthy 7lb 3oz baby boy at 41 weeks and he is now nearly 6 and a picture of health! Dont worry about the half bottle you had, im sure your little one is just fine! It is very tiring being pregnant, and sometimes if you feel stressed and things are all going wrong it can get too much - noone is perfect, its ok to get mad and shout and yell, and yeah, if you feel backed into a corner, its frustrating, its easy to lash out or go mad and do something daft, but it DOESNT make you bad, or wrong, it just means you feel really stressed out and you just need some you-time, you need to try and sort out some escapism for yourself if you can, try and arrange something you can do for yourself as a treat occasionally, its easier said than done, but everyone needs time out sometimes! dont be too hard on yourself!

Hi BG, what you describe reminds of my mental state after DS was born. I had post-natal depression & one of the over-riding feelings was anger that my DH's life hadn't changed as much as mine had. I guess I wanted to hurt him at the time, despite him trying as hard as he could to help. I'm sure most mums feel that a man cannot do the job as well as a woman!!

What it really boiled down to was a lack of communication (along with a huge dose of freaky hormones!)

I'm now pg with new partner & I'm determined to use my previous experience to try & limit my chances of PND this time. I guess the most important thing I learnt was that men will never think & feel like women when it comes to pgny & babies. They need to be educated every step of the way. Like children, really.

Good luck

babygibbon - hope your ok. I went a little crazy at 25/26 weeks too - it turned out to be anaemia - I was so tired every thing was a struggle and no one had any idea how I felt. Baby due any time now - I'm looking forward to it.

I am 40+3 and have days where all i seem to do is shout at DD, DH, the cat basically anyone who gets in the line of fire. I then burst into tears. I have been like this for most of this pregnancy, personnaly i am putting it down to hormones and stress.

The main problem with alcohol in pregnancy is in the first trimester when most of us aren't even aware that we are pregnant so i don't think that your half a bottle will be harmful.

Sounds like you need to have some you time and relax (easier said than done I know).

Thank you for your reassurance. I am feeling better now - still quite tearful and worrying too much, but more positive and not out of control. I went to see the midwife yesterday, and told her about the episode. She had an extra long listen to baby's heartbeat to reassure me, and we had a good chat. My systolic blood pressure (the upper one) is high (it's always been fairly stable) but the diastolic isn't which apparently indicates its stress related. She offered to sign me off work but I don't think that'd help at the moment, although it's nice to know I have options.

She also asked me to consider taking maternity leave earlier than planned. She's seeing me again in 2 weeks to rediscuss.

For now, I'm trying to take it easy and DH is being very attentive!

Just had my bigest moment of shame. DD took off her shoes at playgroup, I asked her to bring them to me and she started to throw a tantrum so I collected her shoes put them on her and carried her out. I have just carries her home kicking and screaming all the way. At one point I put her down on the floor and held on to her shoulders shouting at her to behave and stop hitting mummy or she would get a smacked bottom, to turn round with tears in my eyes whilst a supervisor from my work and several old biddies stood there tutting at me. I felt like either shaking her or walking off and leaving her to her own devices which really would not of been a good plan as we had just crossed a main road.

Feel like the worst mother ever at the moment because I can't talk to her till I have calmed down.

Mummyhill, poor you. How old is DD?

You must be exhausted in this heat. Any signs of the impending?

Mummyhill, best response to tutting biddies is "Perhaps you would like to get up at 6am tomorrow and look after her all day if you feel so bloody sorry for her!"

i get tutting biddies too, because I shout at my 2 year old when he tries to run into the road.

DD is 3.5 and yes she has us up at 6 most mornings am feeling really frazzled. We have had a big hug and both appologised to each othe but i still feel that I should of handled it better, after all I am the adult and being tired, heavily pregnant hot and bothered apparently is no excuse (according to the biddies)

mummyhill sod the old biddies, it was alot different back in their day - bet they didnt tut when their kids were being beaten black n blue by their father with a belt! (i honestly dont know where they get the cheek to tut) i think we handle our children the best way we can, children these days are different to how they used to be, i think more people should disapline their children, shouting is not abuse, when i was growing up and if i was naughty i expected to be told off and shouted at - we can be as nice as we'd like all the time to our children otherwise we'd make our lives hell. as long as we're not hitting and screaming abuse at our children then i think its ok for them to be told off now n again - im joining the club of hormonal heavily pg women! (38wks n counting)

The hormones aren't helped by the fact that I am 3 days overdue DD knows that I am tired and is playing on it. I also think that she is feeling jealous because people are paying more attention to mummy at the moment than they are of her. I dread to think what she is going to be like once the baby is born.

Thanks for the kind words and support.

You're not going mental, and you're not alone! My last pregnancy was the hardest. My husband worked nights at the time, and he was greated early every single morning with a wife whose face was flooded with tears. And I can safely say it was for no reason, which frustrated him a bit!I was fine during the first two trimesters, but felt so teary and sensitive throughout the last trimester. Rest assured, after the birth I was on a natural high for at least 6 months!!! I've never been so happy. Strange, yes. Psychopathic, no.