Intolerably stressed

[manchestermummy]

Don't really expect any replies but have to get it out... It's going to be a long one.

Am nearly 35 wks with DC2. I've found this pregnancy really tough - sickness, bleeding, nasty car accident, anaemic since week 14 - usual stuff really but for some reason it's knocked me for six. I'm physically not able to do lots with my DD (nearly 3) and it makes me feel very very .

I'm still at work (two weeks to go) and they just haven't taken it seriously at all: they've managed to find maternity cover but they've decided to ditch a third of my job. Last week they realised they couldn't do this and are making me feeling guilty about finishing at 36.5 weeks. I;ve written report after report for them about why they can't just ditch this third (funded by elsewhere in the organisation) and it took me four months to even get a meeting to discuss it.

My MIL is cross with us as we didn't find out the sex of the baby. She thinks it's wrong that DD will still be going to nursery (part-time as she does now). DD 'needs to bond' with the new baby and my needs are not in any way important.

My parents have always said they are not babysitters. Which I agree with: they are grandparents. We seldom ask for any help looking after DD. They live a mile away. So far, they have refused to discus the possibility of looking after DD when the baby is born, and I don't mean for any length of time when the baby is born, I mean when it is literally entering the world. Their refusal is down to the fact that DD is not yet dry at night. MIL lives 10 miles away and my SIL spends half her time with her and half her time at her fella's, depending on who she's most recently fallen out with. If she stays with MIL, there is nowhere for DD to sleep. MIL won't hear of using a car seat so by the time we drive to hers, endure 30 minutes cross-questioning and fussing, we will have added 2 hours to our hospital dash. I dilated 6cm in 2 hours last time!

This all probably is just by the by of life, but my dad's going to find out on Tuesday whether or not he needs major surgery. He's 80 and in good health otherwise and it's just so upsetting. Mum's not well either. It might well be the case that if he does need this surgery, it'll have to be done ASAP. I can't ask friends to take DD as they all have at least one child themselves and/or no room. So I'm facing the thought of giving birth alone.

The one glimmer of hope, if you could call it that, is that there is small chance I may need a section due to low lying placenta (scan next week) and as we do have three days of nursery, we might be okay. I can't believe I'm actually hoping to have to have a section.

Sorry to go on. I feel so selfish for worrying about myself at a time like this

God, you aren't being selfish at all! LOADS on your plate, and not getting nearly enough support. It would be weird if you were feeling fab at the moment. Just deal with one bit at a time as it happens. Have you got good friends nearby? Family can be crap.

Don't be daft! This is the time when you SHOULD be thinking about yourself!

Your parents sound like the selfish ones. My God, I would be furious if mine said they wouldn't look after my child while I was giving birth (I don't have any children yet, but if I did....)

I am sure a friend would not mind looking after your daughter - so what if they have children of their own. One more won't hurt! And you can repay the favour at a later date.

Your MIL sound like a bit of a nightmare. Can't she come and stay at yours for the night when you go into labour so that your DD doesn't have to be driven anywhere or is that a big no no?

I feel for you as family are a pain in the arse sometimes. They are supposed to help but generally make you feel more anxious and stressed.

Oh dear that sounds awful! You really are not being selfish!You said you have friends and dont feel you could ask as they already have children...I know if I already had children and my friend was in need I wouldnt mind taking one more for the night or even two nights as I would already be in with my own anyway! Im sure yourr friends wouldnt mind?Its not like your after a sitter whilst you go to the pub/clubbing!

x post with daisy stone!lol

For starters this is THE time you should be thinking of yourself you are not being selfish.

First things first - sod work their problem not yours. I know easier said than done but look after yourself.

That goes for you MILs attitude as well.

I think your parents attitude is a bit but I have a MIL with the same attitude who is much younger than your parents and doesn't have any health problems and I just feel sorry for my DD. As yours have health problems it may not be best to be relying on them.

As for friends I have one child and another on the way and I don't have a spare bed but I would look after any of my friends children in a heartbeat especially if she were in your situation and to be honest anytime they needed me (and have done). And I am not talking life long friends I mean mummy friends who I have known for just over 3 years, we help each other out. Ask I'm sure somebody will be willing to help room can always be made and one more child in a child filled household makes not much difference trust me!

I'm not surprised you're stressed, it sounds like you are being pulled in all sorts of directions by other people's demands when really you should be being looked after! It sounds like you feel huge degrees of responsibility towards everyone, including your job.

There's no shame in worrying about yourself. Try not to be shy of asking for help when you need it - you're not putting anyone out unnecessarily.

Seconding other people's comments I'm sure one of your friends would be happy to look after your daughter. I wouldn't mind at all if a friend asked me to do this. Maybe if you asked around (I bet you'd be pleasantly surprised) then that would be one major worry off your chest and other things might seem overwhelming?

Hope you get the support you deserve!

regarding work;

i would honestly phone in sick next week- let them get on with it. your health is more important. they cant make you start ml early until 36 weeks and only then if it is a maternity related illness. Develop a cold over the weekend.

chill out about your parents- maybe they just feel a bit too old to deal with it all? spend the next week planning alternatives. you need someone dd knows, who is available at the drop of a hat and is reliable. If its hard to find friends that could do this, who looks after dd during the day? nursery? are any of the staff there able to help out. Seriously once you start voicing that you have a problem, people will help and happily. You could also say to in laws that you are going to have to try and find someone if they really are unable to help. this might force their hand. cant hubby sort them out?

Thank you everyone!

I'm sure everything will work out, it just seems so much more complicated when there already is a child in the picture. Well, I guess it has to work out really, the baby will have to be born at some point!