Bit of a trivial subject...

[Hayls]

Not sure if I should post this elsewhere as it sort of relates to post-pregnancy but hopefully there will be some people with advice. It's a bit silly and trivial but I've been worried about our pets (2 cats 1 dog) since I found out about pgnancy- I'm 16 weeks. I've had one cat since he was only a few weeks old and he's sort of my baby already as he comes and snuggles up and nuzzles me. My concern is what happens after the baby is born, when obviously I'll be a bit busy looking after someone else! I don't want the cats to get jealous and perhaps take it out on the baby but don't know what to do to try and prepare for it. I desperately want to keep them both (the dog isn't a problem)but a few people have already suggested/ hinted (dh included) that it would be too much to cope with and that the cats would turn on the baby if they were left out, will try and sleep in his bed (even though that DEFINITELEY wouldn't happen), will be unhappy and run away, will mess all over the house etc etc. My mw has been to the house and didn't mention it. They have lovely natures and don't ever scratch or bite but their potentail reaction to a new addition is worrying me a bit. It's my own fault as I've spoiled them so much. Does anybody have any experience of this and how to cope before and after birth? And do you think it's possible that they might have picked up on it already?

I feel a bit strange writing this and think maybe I shouldn't have, as there are so many other mumsnetters with much less trivial problems (me included in the past few weeks) but it's starting to bother me now and the thought of having to give my cats away terrifies me. Obviously, if there was a problem I would have to put the baby's welfare first but if anybody has any tips to avoid it (or reassurance that they'll be fine!)I would feel a lot happier.
Sorry this is so long.

We have 2 cats, one of whom was rescued by me and is now VERY protective of me. He won't go anywhere near anyone else but is the most loving cat towards me, that I have ever known, so I worried about the same thing.

We got around it by starting to 'cut the apron strings' whilst I was still pregnant. We stopped letting them sleep on our bed at night, our 'jumpy' cat was a bit miffed for a couple of nights but soon got used to it. I am happy to say that there was no messing or other similar revenge tactics tried by our feline friends when our DD was born, 1 year ago tomorrow . To be honest we found our cats were very keen to keep their distance from the screaming, purple-faced thing in the corner ! Once they had their initial 'sniff' they decided that sjhe really wasn't worth the hassle !

So, in answer to your question, I would start trying to slowly distance yourself from them a little so that it is not a huge shock when the baby comes. That way they will not automatically equate the change in your behaviour towards them with your new arrival.

HTH
WSM
xxx

It is upsetting but the sooner you start to do it, the easier it will be when the big day finally arrives

I worried about the same thing too. When I was pregnant I had 2 cats whom I absolutley adored. I had spoiled them rotten, they were allowed all over the house and slept on our bed. I started by keeping them out of the nursery and shutting them out of our room on an evening. Unfortunatley for us when ds arrived having the cats around too didn't work out. They were jealous, and started spraying on anything and everything that belonged to ds (pram, bouncy chair etc)And because of the lack of attention they seemed to become really naughty. I called our local Cats protection league who sent me a leaflet offering lots of advice and stuff, but when ds was 4 months old we found a new loving for both of our cats and I must say it made my life alot easier.The cats didn't bother ds at all, in fact like WSM it was 1 sniff and then they gave him a wide berth. It was just the messing, spraying and bringing home of bird/mice etc that I couldn't deal with. That's not to say it won't work for you though - I know loads of people whose cats and babies live in perfect harmony! Good Luck!

We've only got one cat, but she was fine with the arrival of the baby- she wasn't too impressed, when we put the carseat on the floor when we first got back with dd, and let her have a sniff- she just turned and went back to her favourite chair. She never even tried to sleep in dd's cot while she was in it! I did catch her snuggled up in a corner of the cot one day while we were downstairs, but she only tried it once.

Whilst it probably is a good idea to distance yourself a little now, I would still make an effort to be affectionate after the bay's born- plenty of strokes, always feed at the same time each day, let them on your lap when the bay isn't there. Cats are pretty independent, but know where the food comes from and are iunlikely to leave home.

Are your cats neutered, hayls? Might be worth getting them "done", if this is a problem of male cats?

I had a cat (a persian with an attitude problem) when I had my ds, though he's died now of old age; we were quite worried because he could be quite aggressive, swipe your ankles as you went past etc. But we found he was fine with the baby - avoided him, and if ds did pull his tail or something, whereas he would have bitten our hand off, with ds he just moved away. Have since found the same with a friends cat - won't let me stroke her, but if ds goes up to her she either takes it or stalks off, doesn't go for him. So your baby should be fine. The only thing is having ds did really piss the cat off! Thats just tough luck though, isn't it? I agree with the idea that you should start separating a bit now: we had ds in our room for the first 5 months, so it wouldn't have been safe to carry on letting the cat sleep on the bed,etc. We've just got a new cat, and he jumps up to sit on one leg while I'm reading stories or watching a video with ds on the other leg of my lap, so not at all incompatible. (We've got a dog too - the only problem there is she gets less walks, as I can't leave ds in the house to take her in the evening like I used to ).
Hope it goes well!

We've always had cats and the arrival of four children hasn't bothered them at all. Cats are pretty switched-on and if something annoys them, ours just go off somewhere quiet until the coast is clear again. Our dog was quite sweet when I had dd2 - she took up residence under the moses basket and guarded dd2 from all comers! Good luck.

Thanks for reassuring me I'm not alone. I sometimes think I'm mad for thinking so much of my pets! we really are a nation of animal lovers. Tissy, they have both been neutered and are regularly deflead/wormed etc so I'm not too worried about passing germs on. I think you're all right about trying to distance myself from them a bit, hard as it will be (although one of them is definintely dh's cat so he can carry on getting attention from him- the baby one is all mine and he follows me about, only coming when I call him). They don't sleep in our room anyway cos they start fighting and playing and keep us awake so that shouldn't be too much of a problem. I'm just anxious to try and do everything right and keep them as happy as possible. I'd be lost without them! Sad or what- people used to say I wouldn't ever have a baby because I already had 3 but I'm hoping I can have 4 (or 5 including dh!

Before my first child was born in November 1992, I had had a cat since February 1992. I was his surrogate mum and he was very attached to me. He liked coming in the bath with me and sitting on my chest with his tail and feet dangling in the water - got pictures to prove it and would sit on my shoulder if I was watching telly and "pad" my head/hair.

I was a bit worried about his reaction when the baby came along, but he was fine. He went from being "very into me" to being a bit of a go-er(!) (never in).

He would sometimes look (but only look) in the moses basket and see the baby still there and just walk out again.

By the time No. 2 child and No. 3 child came along, he just accepted them. It was like "oh well, I know they are here to stay, they are not going away, I just have to accept them".

Because he went through the mill with child No. 1 (tail pulling, etc.) although obviously I did my best to stop my childing hurting the cat, he seems to accept the firmness my youngest child uses in stroking him and just takes it.

He will still come and sit on my lap (never on my chest in the bath or on my shoulder) but not as much as he did before.

Actually he is very mild tempered where the children are concerned (I always felt he was a bit feral) - once I caught my eldest (when she was about 18 months) carrying him around like a handbag.

LOL @ catty handbag idea

My cats just ignored ds when he was a baby. We only have obne cat left now, and now that ds is older the cat has adopted him as "favourite human being".

I had a cat since my DD2 was 2 and he was fine, but had a bit of a stand-offish personality anyway. Seven years later I had DS. I watched carefully to make sure cat did not sit on him (they like the warmth and the smell of milk)

We had no problems at that stage, but when DS started to crawl and toddle around, cat got a bit upset and took to spraying everything. I found nothing that would stop him and the smell was awful. It took ages to locate the right spots and try and clean them and then he would just do it again. In the end we found him a new home where there were no kids and he did not repeat his behaviour.

Some people say that females are less problematic than males. Some say their tom cats never minded their children. They all have different personalities, like people, don't they.

My advice would be to wait and see, but at least you know the worst case scenario.

I was worried about how our cat would react to ds, now 4 months. She is an easily startled cat and has been known to scratch when not happy. However, she has been lovely with ds. She completely avoided him for the first few weeks, then started sleeping outside his nursery, and now rubs her head against his feet in the morning when I'm feeding him - very cute.
If you lavish as much attention on them as possible they should be OK.
The only problem might be if they're not neutered. Are they?

We have a dog, she was nearly 2 when dd was born. The what to expect book suggested (wait for it) buying a baby sized doll and playing tapes of a crying baby to prepare the dog!

We just made sure we still gave her plenty of cuddles and attention and didn't whip the baby away or push her away every time she wanted a snuffle. She did get a bit jealouse when dh was playing with dd initially, but she is the sweetest thing with dd.

It's not silly worrying, we worried about it a lot!

nursie, my cat was neutered but he still sprayed everywhere when his nose was put out of joint by the new arrival.

Thank you so much for all your advice. I came home tonight and talked about it to dh and we're going to back off a bit. It's really hard though,as I've already been in the back garden playing with them to try and stop them from going into the front garden and possibly near the cars. I might even stop spending hours waiting for them to come in at night before I go to bed! One often goes in our neighbour's house so he mght make up for the lack of attention by visiting there more often (traitor)

Thay are both male and have been neutered and I'm hoping that they'll keep each other company and will take their lead from the dog, who is incredibly laid back and loves babies.
Dh thinks they'll be fine because they're quite independent and will just sulk for a while until they get some attention again so fingers crossed. Guess I'm just a worrier. Like you said, I suppose I'll just have to wait and see what their reeaction will be next January and try to prepare them in the meantime.

Incidentally, the amount I worry about them makes me worry about how much I'm going to worry about the baby and if I'm going to become totally overprotective and obsessive.(see- I'm a worrier)
Sorry if this is a bit of a useless rant but at least I've got it off my chest and had a good chat with dh about it. Excellent advice as usual- Mumsnetters rule!

the other thing you could do is to put some of the cat's scent on the baby equipment - rub a tissue on the cat's cheek and then rub it onto the car seat etc. It's supposed to make the cat think it's always been there and therefore they don't fuss.

We had to get used to constant comments from our parent's generation about cats smothering babies. Obviously it was the big worry of their day. I found it really irritating so you're warned!

I had problems with my 2 much-indulged siamese cats spraying on things although I think it was more to do with a fox on the territory than the baby. Thanks to another mumsnetter we bought a pheremone air-freshener thingy from the vet and they've both been happy since. It was that or siamese mittens.

Hayls, don't worry about worrying about the baby too much - I was very neurotic about our dog, she had a season ticket to the vet and I worried myself sick every time she was ill etc.

I think that I kind of got my parental neuroses out on the dog, as a result am v relaxed about the baby as I feel I've been through it before! Several people have commented that I don't seem like a first time mum!