boys! 2nd best?

[ilovefirelighters]

hi im nearly 36wks and fed up to my back teeth of comments and hints that a girl would be best all round. we have 1 ds and i would quite like another. the whole, house full of boys and footy kits on the line seems to be me. a girl would also be just as amazing of course. its other peoples hurtful comments that are really getting to me. when ds was born a friend asked boy or girl and when i said boy she replied 'oh, well, thats ok' accompanied with a sympathetic head tilt. grrr!! my best friend has recently had a baby girl and has made quite a few remarks about how girls are best and how i should hope for a girl. i get really defensive (on the inside, which is bloody hard when hormones are in full swing) i feel like asking 'what exactly is wrong with my boy?' why is it some people cant get it into their heads boys are just as great as girls? they just seem to think if women had the choice we would all choose girls. sorry for the rant but i really feel that if i have a boy these people will see them as 2nd best. thats a really sad view of a new born isnt it? anyone else had this at all?

Oh God yes. Just read on another thread that boys are much easier than girls I have three girls.

Try being pregnant with your third when you've got two of same sex already. It's even worse then. I found the idea that people might be disappointed with my beautiful new baby - or think I was - really quite upsetting.

People are ignorant fools sometimes. Anyway it would be lovely for DS to have a brother as it is lovely for my girls to have each other (most of the time!)

I found that assumption upsetting too, We would have been equally happy with a 3rd Dd. How can you possibly be upset at having a new baby? After Dd2 was born i kept getting, 'she's lovely, a boy next time then?' from my Mil!

My girls are very close, and even though they adore their brother he can be a bit too boisterous for them. Ignore what people say, and enjoy your gorgeous baby.

"Smile and wave boys, Smile and wave."

Ilovefirefghters - first up, great name! Secondly, I am only 10 weeks with my first and secretly hankering for a little boy. A few people (tends to be strangers that I have told - taxi driver etc) make the automatic assumption that you'd like a little girl. But having a great half sis who's 14 years younger than me...I have sort of had the dressing up a dolly fun with her.

Saying that, you're all completely right that you only ever wish for a blooming healthy baby. But I am quite honest in saying that I'd like a really boistrous little boy tearing around.

And I know...be careful what you wish for!!

I always imagined myself with boys and am expecting DS2 in a few weeks. Have had some ridiculous comments, but mainly from people who don't know any better - ie. people who don't actually have kids. DS's swimming instructor actually said "Oh no!" when I said I was having another boy! But then she is very young and a bit stupid, so I ignored her.

I have 3 boys.........and you can practically see the glee when I say I am having a girl soon, when I'd have been equally delighted with a boy.

I'd have said the opposite was true. So many people on here go on about how wonderful boys are and how bitchy girls are etc etc. It really riles me! You seldom get a thread saying girls are great!

I had 2 girls and then a boy (the world seemed to go mad when he was born) so maybe that's why I am so protective of my girls.

I'm expecting my third DS, and have had people openly (and in front of my DSs - ) pitying me for having another boy. Makes me feel really hacked off, and v protective of them. Of course I would have been delighted with a girl - but am just as delighted with a boy. Frankly, after 2 m/cs trying for DC3, I'm just grateful to be having another one. Pity the fools who make daft comments .

Emily - Agree there seem to have been lots of negative comments re DD's lately - from those that don't have. Find it very odd considering most MNer's are, um, female

Girls, boys, they're all great.

I have two boys wouldn't swap them. They are great brothers to each other. I don't feel I've missed anything by not having a girl.

I had such problems during my pg with ds2, I was happy to have a live baby of either gender. Personality is so much more important than gender anyway. DS1 loves writing, drawing, reading and art. Hates football. DS2 is the rowdy one (except around strangers when he's mummy's boy ). They couldn't be so different.

Firefighters how annoying is that? I have one DS and one DD but would have been equally happy with any combination of children just being delighted with actually having them previously having had 2 m/cs. It's not as if we can choose the sex of our babies and one is not better than the other - they are what they are! My lovely MIL said when I was pg for 2nd time that her experience was that every child was so different and an individual that the sex wasn't really an issue - it was so refreshing to hear that instead of 'ooh I bet you're wishing for a little girl' as if I had any control over it anyway... Agree with you about the defensive thing, people sometimes make quite pointed remarks about sweetness of daughter whilst big brother is zooming about being stereotypically boisterous 5 yr old and I want to remind them that he can be equally lovely and sweet too!

I've spent my entire pregnanacy so far (30 weeks) in the quite macho culture of south america, and the response to me having a boy has always been overwhelmingly positive.

It's definitely considered a blessing to have a boy first to be the big man in the family and take after his father.

emily i think in our own lives away from the computer screen its equal. it doesnt matter if you are a family of girls or boys its just in my case i have a son but i too have noticed some MNer's being quite 'anti girls' its really sad. this whole 'boys are better behaved than girls' thing annoys me surely as parents we should be looking at ourselves to get the best out of our children not using their sex as an excuse for bad attitude?!! kids test us, thats just normal.
mog thats well out of order to say those things infront of your dc, my mil does it too i take no notice cos shes a silly woman with very strange views regarding whats best for children, but i dont want my ds feeling hes suddenly 2nd best if a girl comes along. its hard enough on them when the new baby arrives.
it has even been mentioned that im preparing myself. basically saying i want a boy when really i want a girl just to protect myself from the disappointment. let me tell ya it wasnt so disappointing when i provided parents with their 1st grandchild and it was a boy!!!

Totally get this - I am pg with my second boy, and the number of comments along the lines of "Oh you'll be hoping for a girl then?" are driving me mad. A good friend even harped on, before she knew we were having a boy, that her cousin had just had a girl (after a boy) and the whole family was so much more excited than they would have been, had it been a boy??!?!!? About two days later I texted her that DS was having a little brother - she squirmed!!
Maybe it's jus the assumption that people want one of each, but among my friends, I detect a distinct 'anti-boy' vibe. Not helped by the fact that I am the only boy mum, and my friends seem to be dropping girlygirls left right and centre.
I agree with zoley - the child's gender is the least interesting part of it. I have friends who are men and women, there are other men and women who I frankly don't particularly like. I don't think their gender has too much to do with it!

If it's just people trying to make conversation, I wish they'd save it! When I was pregnant, people were always trying to draw me out on what sex I would prefer and that was my first baby, so I imagine it must get exponentially worse with each subsequent pregnancy. DH had a brilliant response- he just told them firmly that whoever came along was very welcome, and they seemed to drop it after that.

I think this is often the case. I have 2 ds's and the "girls are better than boys" continues at the school gate I am afraid, with comments like "oh, aren't the boys boisterous and rough, look how nicely the girls are playing". I love my 2 boys to bits and wouldn't wish for anything different.

Although, now expecting dc3 which is a girl, which amazingly is what my ds's said they wanted. They said could we send the baby back if it was another boy as boys are just too cheeky!!!

Oh I absolutely know what you're talking about. I have a 15month ds1 and am 15 weeks pregnant again and people are assuming that I would like this one to be a girl - I'm desperate for another boy!!! Partly because I worship ds1 so much I guess but also I only have brothers, and being surrounded by boys is the only kind of family I know, iyswim. Having said that, I'm obviously a girl and my brothers don't hate me so I'm sure a girl would be fine once I was used to it!!

I am just sick of the stereotypes. I have a friend who has a ten day old girl - my DS is one next month. The whole time she was pregnant and knew it was a girl, she'd say things like "oh but girls are so much more advanced, everyone knows that", so even though DS was crawling at 5 months and walking at 10, she just harped on about how if he'd been a girl he'd have started doing these things MUCH sooner, like her DD will do, I'm sure .
I don't care if she desperately wanted a girl, but I do care that she (and others) makes massive judgements based on whether or not a child has a willy. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

mil said again today that a 'grandson would be lovely but a granddaughter would be the ultimate gift'!!!! ok then i'l do my best!!!! my dh is the eldest of 3 with a brother 2 years younger and sister 10 years younger. both himself and brother felt left out when the girl came along. shes been a princess ever since so i know that 'providing' mil with a gd will be a big blancmange carnage!

Someone I know who recently became first-time grandparent to a DGD said "Of course, a DGS would have been ok, but you know, there's something special about a girl, you can really spoil a DGD"

Good job she was a DGD then hey!

The thing is, I think there is this thing where girls can be "spoilt" more in terms of clothes, toys & girly things and boys' stuff isn't quite as nice to shop for or buy. There's rails of lovely clothes and accessories for girls and one small rail for boys in our local supermarket.

There's a "little princess" popular "culture" (for want of a better word) going on ATM in a way that there isn't a "little prince" culture. Being honest, I think this is something to do with the general consumer society we now live in, as though girls in general are an accessory as much as the accessories you can buy for them. Personified in the way that older girls are freely available for daft overpaid footballers in a "pick me, pick me" kind of way. The way that middle-class girls are now OK to have the world know they are prostitutes, but it's alright because they are glamorous with diamante encrusted phones and hair extensions and have bagged a footballer (at least for the night). It's all linked in a creepy way IMO. .