How to manage my fear of preg body comparisons

[MuffinMouse]

Really dreading meeting up with SIL who is now expecting DD1. I am expecting DD3 a month later. Not sure how to handle inevitable body comparisons. This previously meant me agreeing with how fab she looks, and trying not to collude with her comments about how it is better to look like her, than me. This probably sounds pathetic, but it's just easier than confronting her insensitivity. We don't meet up very often. I am still stung by her (drunken) comments about how she couldn't cope with looking like me (at 7 mths preg) and that this put her off getting preg. She is an attractive, tall size 8, with lots of personal time. I am short 14/16, and was proud of curves until DS2. Don't think I'm resilient enough at mo to endure a planned visit. DH cannot comprehend problem. What can I do to protect my own emotional health???

Be proud of your curves! It's clearly her problem, not anything to do with your own body image. She sounds really charming, and very insecure too.

If you can't face seeing the nasty woman, do you really have to see her? What sort of visit is it? If she's coming to you, you could feign some exhaustion and take to your bed, or feign a really important appointment and be out the whole time!

And if you have to see her at all, console yourself by thinking that you have already had two children and know what it's like to cope with motherhood. She has no idea yet, poor dear.

Just smile and say - 'yup, you look great, if i didn't know, i'd think you weren't pregnant and you were just a really healthy weight'....

Thanks ReshapeWhileDamp! Helpful perspective and your last comment made me chuckle. Am trying to find a way to avoid. Visit will involve taking whole family to MIL, to see SIL flying from overseas with new bundle. (And yes. MIL joins in with praise/denigration. It's complex hell).

I feel sooo much better! Thanks smoggii

I totally sympathise Muffin! Have been compared to so many others during my pregnancy and it's like they're oblivious to how crap it can make you feel! (or just plain nasty!)
Please try and ignore them and think of some witty comments to make or just ignore and change the subject, like people say, it must stem from their insecurity really! And noone has the right to make you feel bad about yourself when you've always been happy with your shape!
Obviously it's best to stay away from negative people like that if you can, but it's not always possible! In those cases I console myself thinking sarcastic thoughts to myself and then bitching on here!!!

I'm pretty tough but when people say thoughtless things it hurts, although I must admit the sensitivity of pregnancy has made me think twice about somethings I have said to others in the past and I will def. be more careful in future.

I imagine she doesn't even realise how rude she is being. In that situation I just smile and say (with just a tiny hint of sarcasm) 'oh, you say the sweetest things!' makes people think twice and makes me feel better without a confrontation.

She's just one of those women who needs to constantly belittle others to feel good about themselves you should pity her really,
and like reshape said she has no idea whats coming to her...she probably thinks the baby will just pop out all clean and perfect and doesn't even entertain the whole...screaming,sweating,panting,swearing cervix being stretched to the size of a small watermelon...part oh unless of course she already has her elective c-section planned?
I too am a Shortie (5ft 4) and a 14-16 and am 17 weeks pg which is that stage where you just look like you've had a few too many pies but i'm carrying a baby and my body is doing what it needs too and that makes it fabulous you my lovely are no different! and if all else fails just follow smoggiis advice it did make me chuckle! x

Or failing that perhaps you could be in the middle of watching a perticuley messy birth on youtube or something when she comes over and suggest she 'must see this!' (slinks away looking innocent polishing halo)

What a cow muffin - just wanted to say I hope it goes ok meeting up with her.

It sounds daft but I didn't really have much of a bump or look that pregnant until 28w and got comments all the time - people just can't help chipping in with their opinions and it can be quite hurtful.

The main thing that matters is you and baby are healthy and happy.

If this is her first I'd just lay it on about the pain, the blood, a few horror stories about tearing and the sleepless nights afterwards with a knowing wink! That'll sort her out!

Thanks everyone. Starting to realise that she has insecurities now. Never occurred to me before! And yes you are sooo right - she has planned to have a private c-section (decided at 12 weeks!!)