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Original poster

Sex of baby - doing it the 'right' way round?!

30 replies

miamix · 29/09/2010 12:20

According to my 20 week scan, I am having a boy. I am thrilled with this news, as I would have been if it had been a girl. I didn't have any particular preference.

Now whenever I tell people it's a boy, I tend to get the response "Oh you must be so pleased..." (of course, I am) ... "you're doing it the right way round" "Best to have a boy first" etc etc. Even my Mum said when I told her the news "That's great, I wanted a boy first" (cheers Mum! I'm the eldest with one younger brother.)

Why do people seem to think it's so great to have a boy first? I literally can't see any logical reason. Does it heark back to the days of yore when patriarchy dictated that it was preferable for wives to produce sons for their men?! I'm at a loss!

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DeborahDeborah · 29/09/2010 12:22

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jeee · 29/09/2010 12:27

People don't, they're just being nice to you. If you were having a girl they would tell you how wonderful that was. It's just politeness.

PaigeTurner · 29/09/2010 12:28

It's silly. What if you only want one DC?

lulabelle · 29/09/2010 12:36

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potplant · 29/09/2010 12:38

'You're doing it the right way round' - like you have a choice!

3plusbump · 29/09/2010 12:55

I agree with jeee - whilst it is infuriating, they are just being nice and I'm sure they would come up with something equally as bizarre if you had told them you were having a girl first Confused

vmcd28 · 29/09/2010 12:56

people are crap - thats all. :)

You'll find people say weirder and weirder things from now on! I'm having a second boy, but havent told anyone. Everyone - and I mean everyone - has said to me "I think it's a girl - is it a girl you're hoping for?"

I mean, a girl would be nice, but NO, after two miscarriages and a high-risk Downs scare, I'm hoping for a healthy baby, thanks for asking, all you insensitive idiots!!

CuppaTeaJanice · 29/09/2010 13:07

I'm scraping the barrel here, but I can only think of two reasons why boy then girl would be preferable to girl then boy.

  1. It's easier to hand boys clothes down to a girl - a girl in a 'boys' t-shirt worn with a skirt will still look like a girl. Dressing a little boy in his older sister's cast-offs will be a bit trickier.
  1. A few years down the line, your sixteen year old daughter would rather hang out with her 18/19 year old brother's mates than lots of 13/14 year old boys and an annoying younger brother.

Erm, that's all I can think of.....

Selegas · 29/09/2010 13:08

I'm 40+1 with our first and when we found out at 26 weeks that we're having a girl four or five people asked me if my husband was ok with that!

Good Lord, we've been together 9 years and tried for a baby for a year before we conceived. Of course he's bloody ok!!

Still makes me a bit upset when I think of it. He's so excited to be having a girl.

Idiots.

TrillianAstra · 29/09/2010 13:09

Janice's #2 is very true :)

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 29/09/2010 13:11

People really do say some daft things. The insensitivity is stunning sometimes.

I read (somewhere, ages ago) that couples who have a boy first are less likely to divorce / split than those who have a girl first Confused

MrsRhettButler · 29/09/2010 13:14

oh you lot are clueless aren't you Grin

its so that any dc you have afterwards will have a big brother to beat up the bullys look out for them

everyone wants a big brother!

paisleyleaf · 29/09/2010 13:15

I was the oldest. But always quite fancied the idea of having an older brother.

Original poster
miamix · 29/09/2010 13:16

Actually the posters who said people say weird things about pregnancy have got a very good point. I am finding that people are starting to say increasingly bizarre things to me and asking me questions that are none of their business and a bit inappropriate at times, so it is probably just the fact that pregnancy makes (non-pregnant) people weird!

:)

Mind you I hated being a big sister so maybe it is because they know how annoying little brothers are Wink

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1Catherine1 · 29/09/2010 13:17

Coming from a family where I have an older brother and my mum had an older brother and my dad had an older brother (granted though he was a complete arse and a waste of space). I think the reason behind people thinking a boy is best to have first is because of the male instinct to protect. Most younger sisters with an older brother can tell you how invaluable they are in a time of crisis. Even now at 25 I know my dear brother will look out for me if I'm in trouble even if I haven't spoken to him in a while (he doesn't really do communication that isn't face to face). Brothers protect, older siblings protect, so older brothers are perfect!

I say all this though but I have no preference in having a boy first or not. It is all the same to me. I am dying to find out though next month.

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 29/09/2010 13:18

Here. Study here (PDF).

pinkgrasshopper · 29/09/2010 13:19

The flip side of Janice's 2nd point is that if you have a boy then a girl there's a higher liklihood of your daughter getting involved romantically with her big bro's mates than if the other way round...! Then all hell could break loose Wink

I think we all know that it doesn't matter at all. I agree with the others who have said that people tend to react in a positive way if they're nice, and would say it was the best way round whatever the scan had revealed! If they're not nice they'll always find something negative to say!

salsarocks · 29/09/2010 13:21

My mum goes on about this all the time. I have a younger brother and my DD is 2 years older than my DS. Seemingly my mum read a study when we were little saying if the DD is older the DD takes on a maternal role and the DS ends up being bossed around by 2 mothers, resulting in resentment when older. However, if the DS is older DC are more likely to have a more equal and harmonius relationship. Personally I think it is a load of clap trap and its all down to parenting and the individual children. I know families of every order who do/don't get on.

Evenstar · 29/09/2010 13:21

My MIL suggested that having the boy first meant that if I had a DD next she would find it easier to get a boyfriend, as his friends would be the "right age" ie older than her! I did have a DD next but none of his friends liked her at all!

AbsofCroissant · 29/09/2010 13:23

People are barking, simple.

Having an older brother can suck (I know - I have lots).
Protective instinct? Ha! I can't recall a single time they once came to my defence. In fact, for DB closest in age, he used to pinch/punch/annoy me when he saw me around at school and his friends would protect me.

And as for the older boys hanging around when you're in your teens - actually, that was rather awesome (some of them were so hot Roger. But then it turns out DB told all of them that if they got within 10 metres of me, he'd beat them up. So I suppose he had a bit of a protective instinct).

nocake · 29/09/2010 13:28

I'm a younger brother to an older sister (15 month age gap) and we used to fight like cat and dog. I think it was because being a boy I was determined to be top dog and as my sister was older I had to beat her to get there. If I was the older sibling I would have been sure of my position and would probably have been protective of her.

But that's just my, animal image laden, take on it and I could be talking complete bllks Grin

Original poster
miamix · 29/09/2010 13:45

Interesting study, Fermina, thanks for the links.

pinkgrasshopper, Evenstar & AbsofCroissant - my OH said that it would be good if we had a DD yet because she could go out with his friends! I don't really know where that notion came from - perhaps from the fact that he is an older brother himself (his sister is 4 1/2 years younger) - and quite liked his sister's pretty friends hanging around! He should really know better with this perspective, given that he would have been (I can testify based on my knowledge of him now!) a randy little perv, can't see why he'd want his future daughters dating her older brother's friends when they are likely to be exactly the same! Grin

nocake - interesting to get a male perspective on it, thanks. My younger brother and I have 11 months between us and we were constantly fighting as kids, I think you've definitely got a point there. I was always quite maternal too, which probably pissed him off, and still am, despite that there is barely any difference in age between us! Still can't help but see him as my little bro :)

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Original poster
miamix · 29/09/2010 13:46

Sorry, in 2nd paragraph above it should say "good if we had a DD next" rather than "yet".

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JeelyPiece · 29/09/2010 14:42

Nuts. And extremely silly. And possibly offensive.

Reckon it's because males are supposed to be dominant over females close to them so should always be older, bigger, stronger, taller etc.

Or that the important thing is having a boy to carry on the family name/inheritance/business and if you have one your work is done, so it doesn't matter if the later babies are only girls.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.

BadPoet · 29/09/2010 14:48

Yep, nuts.. I have girl then boy. According to some people I'm to be congratulated for having cleverly produced one of each but it's a pity I got them the wrong way round Hmm.

I'm a big sister to a younger brother and it's fine just the way it is tyvm, as it would be for any combination of course, or one child of either sex.

If it is the patriarchal 'family name' thing then surely it's 'best' to have 2 boys - the heir and the spare Grin before bothering to have any girls?

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