Found out the sex of baby... partner not happy

[RoxyLady]

My partner just a couple of weeks ago, lost his dad and was hoping to have a boy. Saying it would feel like a piece of his dad was back.
When they told us yesterday it was a girl, although he is happy the baby is healthy etc.. he seems really down that we arent having a boy.
Ive got pretty p*ssed off. I sympathised for a while but now I feel like I cant be happy its a healthy baby, regardless of sex. Yes I would have liked a boy first aswell but it hasnt happened, we should feel blessed we are having a baby at all. All he keeps saying is "my plan was to have a boy first, I wanted a boy first" He was literally crying over it this morning and couldnt sleep all night.
What should i do?

He'll come round. He's crying about his dad, not the baby. 2 weeks is not long. I would leave him to it - although it's hard I know - and let him come an apologise to you which he will if he's normally sensible.

Congratulations on your exciting news!

I would remind him that it was his sperm which determined the baby's gender anyway.

I think he should see someone about maybe getting grief counselling or it could adversely affect his relationship with your baby.

He sent me a message this morning saying

Hey bub and lil bubba - Daddy loves you both with all his heart

I just think he wanted his dad back.. I told him he would get his boy but not just yet. Its not like we cant have another go

LOL I did Secret!!

How can you 'plan' to do something you have no control over?

You are absolutely right in that a healthy baby is the most important thing. Its sex has nothing to do with his dad, that's HIS projection. He needs to try and separate the awful loss of his dad with the joyous news of your pregnancy, not feel like one somehow cancels the other out.

FWIW my dp was a little disappointed that neither of our dds were boys, but now they're 4 and 2 he loves them to bits and wouldn't have it any other way.

Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way.

X-post! Sounds like he's come round already :)

i agree that he's crying for his dad, noth so much the baby.

But it's very very common - altho taboo - for people to have gender disappointment.
When we found out we're having a second boy, I cried my eyes out. NOT because of what I WAS having but because of what I would NEVER have. Of course I snapped out of it, but tbh, I do still have days where I'm sad I'll never have a girl. Dont be too hard on him. He will come round, and he will make it up to you. His text shows he has a good heart and you both mean the world to him.

All the previous posts are correct, it's got to be so hard grieving for his dad, and in our minds the idea of a piece of his dad going in to a boy is very powerfull, but genders today are not so defined, his little girl can do whatever a boy would've (and more! :-)).

My dad wanted a boy first too, and he got me... after not doing all the 'boy' things he wanted to do he changed his attitude and I love him very much for giving me the confidence in being a person first, then a woman, and making me do and learn all the things he knows how to do. Now I'm waiting to have the 20 week scan, and as you, I just want it to be healthy. Whatever its gender, it will cook, bake, knitt, digg an allotment and play lots of sport and music... (wishful thinking, I know...)
Best of luck and congratulations on your healthy girl!

Just seen this post after starting one of my own asking why people think it's so great to have a boy first!

As others have said, I'm sure it's just grieving for his dad that is causing him to act like this. His text was very sweet, hopefully he has come round a bit now.

congratulations! hes probably struggling with with extreme mix of happy and sad emotions. can't be easy. he may even feel guilty to let himself enjoy the news as its a time he 'should be sad'. give him some time, i dont think it will be long before he starts thinking pink!!