advice pls: getting a promotion while in 1st trimester

[pilsbury1]

hi guys
i miscarried back in april and have been lucky enough to get pregnant again. i had a postive test at the start of sep and am due for a 12 wk scan towards the end of oct.
in aug (i.e. before i knew i was pregnant), i applied for a promotion at work. i had the final interview a wk after i had the positive test. sod's law after nothing happening at work for years, i've now been offered the promotion! i'm wrangling with HR over salary and the like now, but expect to move into the new role in about a months' time - yep you've guessed it, almost exactly when my 12 wk scan will be.
i haven't told anyone at all that i'm pregnant yet - after my miscarriage earlier this yr i'm even less comfortable with doing that than i ever was. and i really really really am praying that my 12 wk scan will be ok and i can move healthily into my 2nd trimester (i'm in no doubt, that my and my baby's health is WAY more important than a promotion).
But i am feeling really awkward about the fact that (all being well with the scan), i'm going to have to tell my new boss within a week or 2 of starting that i'm pregnant.
does anyone have any advice? i really don't wnat to tell anyone yet i'm pregnant (and i think legally i don't have to either), but i'm also really worried about letting my new boss down as soon as i'm in the new role.
If anyone has any words of wisdom or has been in a similar position themselves, then I'd love to hear!
thanks ladies!
Pilsbury

Hi Pilsbury, from my purely personal point of view I would just carry on and take the promotion and wait till after your 12 week scan to tell work. I am sure you dont have a legal responsibility to tell them for weeks yet. Your pregnancy shouldnt make any difference whatsoever to this promotion which you have earned. You wont be leaving for prob 5 months after taking the new job so not like you will be going off immediatly. Congrats by the way funny how good things sometime all happen at once

I was in a very similar situation. Ectopic on Feb, waited the required three months before TTC and were lucky enough to get pregnant straight away; I'm now 19 weeks. Just after my BFP I was given a significant promotion, which I accepted. My boss knew about my Ectopic, so I reasoned that she would realise I would try again- although I think she was a bit surprised I got pg so quickly! I did feel a bit guilty accepting the promotion whilst knowingly pg but as I want to continue my career after DC is born and was a big salary jump, which will help with the little one!

Go for it...!

Oh and congratulations!!

You do not need to tell them and as it must have no bearing on their decision to offer you the promotion you should feel no compulsion. Congratulations on baby & promotion!

Hello, I am in a similar boat. My only slight is that I haven't formally been offered my promo yet and my boss knows I am pg. Before I got pg I had verbally been told that I'd be getting the role, but just needed to go through the whole budgetting process (along with other people's promos). There aren't annouced until next month/Nov. Now I am being told that there's a clamp down etc, but my role is still being puched through.

I've been with the company for 4 years and am good at my job. But i know they'll be loathe to give me the role for me to bugger off for a year and they have to find cover.

My legal head says that they cannot back out, really. But I also have the guilt about letting ppl down.

Pilsbury, you need to think about how long you want to take off and how important your career is to you. I am very career minded and am considering just taking six months off. If you know that you'll be OK to do the role once you've got a little one in tow then crack on. In the grand scheme of things, 6/12 months isn't long for them and they WILL cope.

Congrats! xx

Wait!

I was offered a promotion at 10 weeks-ish and waited until 12/13 weeks to tell them. You have absolutely no legal obligation to tell them at this stage. You have to tell them by the 15th week prior to the week your baby is due, if that makes sense.

Don't feel guilty - they can't take the promotion away, and they should understand that it is unreasonable to ask someone to give them this information before a 12-week scan.

And if you do decide to tell them, and they start to renage on their offer of a promotion, make sure you sue them to high eaven.

Congratulations, too!

thanks for all the helpful messages. i know i should wait and i don't want to tempt fate by telling anyone early, am just feeling guilty about it and am already worried about how i'm going to have that "btw i'm pregnant" conversation with my new boss so early on in the role. and it's a man. and he's french. so i'm guessing he may be even less receptive! ;)
good to know that others have been in similar situations...
LittleMilla - I imagine I'll be off for the full 12 months but have every intention of returning to work afterwards (if only for the money!), so i'll be sure to explain that too...

There is no need to feel bad in any way at all.

You don't legally need to tell your employer you are pregnant until "15 weeks before the expected week of childbirth", i.e. about 25 weeks pregnant!

Well done on your promotion, congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with both!

I had to do this, but it was to start a new job.

I suspected I was pregnant at the interview but chose not to test until afterwards so as not to have the dilemna!

I then had to go to new boss a month or so later and say I wouldn't be starting in September because of the pregnancy.

It was very stressful, but as my SIL said at the time, someone's got to have the babies!

I don't think they regret hiring me, I started after 3.5mths of maternity leave (post baby) and had a second child a couple of years later, with a similar amount of time off.

I feel that 6mths or so off is not that much in the grand scheme of things, and I work hard and bring a lot to my department.

Hi Pilsbury1, take the promotion and do not feel guilty whatsoever. Unless this is your family's business and/or your boss is your relative or very close friend, you do not owe anything to him or to the organisation employing you. I would not tell anyone at work until Christmas. However, if you are entitled to any bonus or insentive scheme, I would wait to tell your boss/HR until after the final decision on such scheme is made (typically, 3-4 weeks prior to the pay date)... Organisations hire and fire employees on the basis of their needs and business cycles, and one has to always keep in mind that at the end of the day, we are just numbers (who could be extremely qualified and extremely good at what we do), who could be easily replaced... Try to not stress about this. Enjoy the promotion and the pregnancy (wish you an easy one). Congratulations!

Absolutely don't tell them until you have to. Grab the promotion with both hands. Clearly you deserve a promotion and the fact that you're pregnant doesn't affect it one bit. What would a man do? Exactly... keep your mouth shut. And if anyone has anything to say about it when you do tell them you're pregnant don't feel the need to justify yourself.

As Superpenguin said you don't legally need to tell them until 15 wks before your due date. This happened to my colleague, she had a 12 week scan a week after her interview and was offered the promotion immediately.
Following the 12 week scan she told her immediate boss and explained the reasons why she didn't tell her earlier and she was fine about it but she also added that she told her as soon as she felt she could as a courtesy and did not want to leave it until the last minute to allow them chance to prepare.

You shouldn't feel guily because irrespective of whether you were pregnant as the most qualified person it should make no difference whatsoever if you were pregnant.

Take it, and wait as long as you have to to tell them, wearing loose clothes if necessary. And congratulations, both ways!

Your job sounds a hell of a lot better than mine was, but I was working in a sort of stop-gap position after I left my career and hoped it would keep the cash flowing until I got pregnant. I managed this (for the first time) about three weeks after I started! I then had to take a couple of days off because of an early MC. Luckily my boss was a big family man and very sympathetic. (I did tell him I'd been 6 weeks pregnant. Probably shouldn't have.)

I then tried again (because, after all, we were Trying). And got pregnant a few months later. And then had a MMC at 12 weeks. By this time, it was abundantly clear to my boss that I'd taken the job (part-time gophering, and appallingly paid, but still) in order to get benefits. Except I hadn't - I was extremely unworldly about this and didn't even know what I was entitled to, or that SMP might be more generous if I'd been working a while. Again, my boss was very understanding about the days off I needed for the ERPC, etc.

When I got pregnant the third time (with DS) the next year, he was distinctly arsey about it initially. It was a very small company and I know he felt I was stringing him along and maybe had planned to work for a while and then get pregnant. Still, there were no specific maternity benefits with my paltry position and I just got the bare minimum of SMP, which of course he was able to claim back. (And he was able to hire someone more efficient eventually... )