Can stress...

[TMI2008]

put you into early labour?

DH and I just had an awful row, resulting in him throwing the washing up bowl across the kitchen and smashing 2 plates in the process all because I had missed a couple of bits when I did the washing up earlier.

I got our daughter out of the highchair and went for a walk but have been having horrible pains in my side and up in my ribs ever since, plus a 'period-like' feeling down below. Obviously walking didn't help.

He has since gone to work and has packed some bags of stuff to take with him when he leaves. Which he won't do I think it is just his way of trying to shock me into saying sorry first.

Just wondered about the pains? I'm 30 weeks on tuesday and obviously not ready for the baby coming if I am going to be moving on my own with my daughter which is a severe possibility at this point.

Thanks

I don't think it would, but it might cause BH to be painful IME.

Can you contact a local domestic abuse group for help?

Really don't want to. :(

I just feel like it's the same over and over and over, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to have this baby on my own or take my daughter away from her dad. He also tells me that he would be awarded custody because I would be the one taking her out of the country (Fife, Scotland).

He's never hit me or anything and really don't think he would but I just don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know if you're in early labour, but if you think it's a possibility, please call your midwife and ask her to check you out.

Is your dh normally like this?
Do you have someone you can stay with?

I'm sorry, I'm a bit crap with stuff like this, what I really want to say is chuck your dh's stuff outside and change the locks, but it probably won't help.
There are people on here who will give you far, far better advice than I could.

I know it's MN, but here have a big ((((hug))) :(

Hope you're OK xx

You could always try posting this in relationships too - you'll get some good advice on domestic violence

I don't have anyone. My family have never been here and live hundreds of miles away, I don't get along with his family in the slightest and know nobody up here that isn't involved with him in some way or other.

Could you go and stay with family?
At least to let things cool down and let him know that things have to change? (if you want them to, that is)

Re. the custody, I'm sure you could get legal advice, and if you've left, it would be because of his behaviour.

Scotland is still in the UK. It sounds like his threats are nonsense to make you toe the line.

Domestic abuse is more than just being hit by a partner. This behaviour by your partners is domestic abuse.

His behaviours in isolating you from independent support are also classic abuser behaviours.

I would call your MW to get checked out - they'll be able to tell you if you're in labour. They can also help you contact a domestic abuse group.

Scotland is still in the UK japhrimel, but has a totally different legal system and is treated as a separate jurisdiction to England for the purposes of civil and criminal court cases.

Are you in Fife now or is it your family that are in Fife and you are down south somewhere?

If you are in Fife then you are very near Edinburgh and there are a number of charities based there who would give you legal advice for free and other help and support too.

You could try phoning this organisation -
www.scottishwomensaid.org.uk/info-for-women/local-womens-aid/local-groups/edinburgh-womens-aid

Obviously your marriage is your business, but I think his behaviour towards his heavily pregnant wife and in the presence of his child is despicable and if I were you I would seriously consider whether I might be better off without him.

My point was that surely, moving with children from Scotland to England is not considered the same as, e.g. taking them to Australia.

I'm pretty sure that courts in Scotland or England would award custody to the mother in any case of domestic abuse by the father!

The point is whether the children are removed from the jurisdiction for the purposes of the hague convention. I am a lawyer practising in Scotland but don't specialise in family law, which is why I suggested that she contact one of the Scottish organisations who will no doubt be able to put her on the right track. I do know that just leaving the country with your kids, despite the obviously good reason for doing so, can often be the start of a long, stressful and expensive court battle. Of course a court won't award custody to an abusive parent, but that doesn't mean you don't have to go through the proper channels to get your own, enforceable, binding arrangement in place.

In Scotland you can get a matrimonial interdict with power of arrest attached, but I don't know whether or not the OP's situation would meet the criteria for that - again, why I suggested she contact an expert organisation for help.

Good luck OP. Make sure you get advice from the experts before you decide what to do.

Know that Womans Aid operate in Fife (I live there too and know people who have used them). Hope you're okay OP, x

Sounds horrible. I'd ring your midwife for advice about the baby.

Then maybe ring a local solicitor and ask to arrange a free initial interview, where you could get some advice on the legal side of things. Even if you don't want to act on the advice, it would be better to be in a position where you knew where you stand, rather than having to rely on dh to tell you. It would not commit you to anything andd would be confidential. I had a friend who did this, and although she didn't ahve to go down the legal route, the fact that she was armed with the correct information persuaded her dh to do as she asked. Good luck

I live in Edinburgh and work for a women's organisation which sometimes works with Scottish Women's Aid - they are fantastic, please contact them. No-one there will try to pressure you to take any action you don't want to, but they will give you all the information, advice and support you need.

Here is the website page with contacts for Fife Women's Aid -

www.scottishwomensaid.org.uk/info-for-women/local-womens-aid/local-groups/east-fife-womens-aid

There's lots of other info on there about what constitutes domestic abuse and so on.

Let us know how you're doing if you can.