Should I give up or struggle on - feeling utterly miserable today

[Samraves]

Hi there,

I apologise in advance as I am feeling totally pathetic and miserable today. I have had a horrible weekend, where everytime I tried to do anything I feel overheated, nauseous and faint and had to just go home and curl up.

I have been feeling rotten throughout this pregnancy, taking anti-emetics and omeprazole for reflux. I have had low blood pressure and felt dizzy and rubbish. Work have been very understanding and I have managed to work from home a lot during this pregnancy meaning I only got signed off sick for a couple of weeks at the beginning.

I have only got 3 weeks left before i go off on maternity leave and I am 32 weeks pregnant. But suddenly it feels too much. I went into work this morning and was in the first aid room laying down as I felt so lightheaded within half an hour. I ended up just coming home to work. It all feels overwhelming and even though I feel as though I should hang on for the next three weeks and do a proper hand over, it feels as though I cant go on. I feel utterly useless.

I don't know whether I should talk to my doctor... I have got a presentation I am supposed to do which is really important on friday, which I don't want to let me colleagues down, but I am so worried that I won't be able to do it because I can't concentrate.

Should I give myself a kick up the bum for being so self pitying or speak to the doctor about being signed off?

Get signed off and have a relax - this is no time to be a hero. You and the baby are the only important things at the moment - you need to make sure you're ok.

In the scheme of things, work is very low on the priority list and I am sure they will manage - they will have to when you're actually on leave won't they?

Feet up and relax.

Why don't you work from home for the rest of the week, do the presentation on Friday and then stop or get signed off?

FWIW, one of my friends suddenly decided she had had enough some time before she was due to start leave and called her boss to say she wanted to go on leave right away. As they were speaking her waters broke (baby born early but a good weight). Sometimes it pays to listen to your body!

Can you talk to your manager? It sounds like you shouldn't be going into work or doing presentations. If that can't be accommodated, then talk to your doctor about getting signed off sick.

I am in a similar position. Not been as sick as you throughout my pregnancy sounds like you've had a rough time) but I am 33 weeks, sick, dizzy faint etc. Felt exactly like you, just wanted someone to tell me to slow down; didn't realise that someone was me. Eventually, I went to the Doctor who has signed me off work. Don't know if I'll be able to go back before my maternity leave officially starts. Feel guilty about not being in and, like you, know that I am letting people down by being off but feel like I've got to look after myself and the baby. Keep having to remind myself that in a few weeks I'll be caring for a newborn and will need all my strength and energy to do this. Work will manage without either of us. Don't know if this helps. In a way, it helps me to know I'm not on my own! Trying to juggle the work/home balance and feeling nothing but guilt: welcome to motherhood I suppose!

This sounds horrible for you. Having to carry on the continuing responsibility of work feeling like this must be massively stressful. I really really think you should
get signed off, or start your mat leave now if you can. Being pregnant with your child is way way more important than work will ever be. I don't have experience of feeling this bad in pregnancy but did hang on for a handover with my first when I was truly exhausted. The final weeks of pregnancy are exhausting even if everything is fine. Listen to your body - it's telling you to stop. We are too conscientious! (I mean pregnant working women). My DH had to keep reminding me of this. I don't know what the dangers are but I suspect it is dangerous to carry on when you feel like this. It's only a few weeks in the grand long scheme of your life but they are such important weeks for your baby. Rest rest and rest and take the stress of work away - that's what you need. Hope that all didn't sound too harsh -I think it's easy for us to take pregnancy on as a physical condition which limits us and forget that what we're doing with our bodies is massively important. DH would call me a hypocrite for saying all of this - he very strongly felt I worked too hard and did too much commuting with both our DCs!

I'd think about how hard it really feels and how important the work things are to you.

I'm 34+6 (with twins!) and I finish work on Friday (though to be honest, I've been working from one or two days a week for a few weeks). I have also struggled on for longer than I should have because I had a conference to present at last week and then handover scheduled.

I've kept going in as many days a week as I can manage because I want to come back to work in a year! I figure I'm more likely to get my own job back, or a decent equivalent rather than the job no one else wants, if my boss is supportive of that. He is more likely to be supportive if I have made his life easier in my last few weeks. I also want to do a decent handover because I don't want my cover to hand me back a mess when I return, so the more I can do to make his job easier the better.

Of course, I'll feel mighty silly if anything goes wrong for my babies, as I know I am doing too much and I shouldn't be commuting 2 hours each way to work 3 or 4 times a week at 35 weeks pregnant. I know I am taking a risk, but I'm just hoping that I'll know to stop before anything serious happens

Good luck with work and the pregnancy, whatever you decide

Thanks guys, you are making me feel a bit better and not so pathetic!

It is precisely because I want to go back to my job and I am worried about the impression I will make if I leave my colleagues in the lurch. That is the only reason for hanging on. But I know that my work has started to suffer anyway in the last couple of weeks as I just can't concentrate on it properly...

I think I will try to get some work done at home today and see if I can get a doctors appointment and see what she thinks - whether it could be dangerous to keep pushing it or just unpleasant. If not actually dangerous, maybe I should push myself to keep going to at least do a proper handover.

I also am getting worried about driving into work - as although I think I would know if I actually was about to pass out, i still don't like driving when I feel lightheaded. But I don't feel well enough to face getting the bus. The thought of not getting a seat - when I can't stand still for more than a few minutes without starting to get dizzy!

Oh well.... in the home straight now....

hey samraves . Gosh - you're having such a nasty time. Definately see your doctor and see what they say - I'm pretty sure they'll sign you off. This is what my GP did and I really wasn't expecting it - she told me straight out I wasn't up to working and she was telling me I should NOT go to work - when it was her medical opinion and decision it took all the stress and guilt away for me as I know she is talking sense and this was the best thing for me. I think justbeing at home and not worrying about things and resting made me feel much better. I also get really sick/dizzy/lightheaded etc when I do much - the ONLY thing that helps is to not do much, rest and eat regularly. I'm actually really worried it'll get worse again in the last trimester (as it seems to with some) and we are moving house when I'm about 34 weeks pg - I think this stress might just tilt me over the edge.... I hope you get the the GP - let me know how you get on. xx

If I were you I'd call it a day on the work stuff. You're struggling which will mean you may not do your work to the standard you expect of yourself, then you'll feel stressed and that's another thing you and you're baby don't need, with what sound like a rough time thoughout. If you bow out now work can go forward in putting together their contingency plan rather than tip toeing around you thinking will you or won't you be able to do this.

Do a gradual handover to make yourself feel better but step back from any high prioriy/deadline situations.

When pregnant with DD1 I had to have a good talking to myself (DH joined in for good measure) to realise, at work the world does not revolve around me and they will cope without me, but my baby's world does revolve around me and I had to give it priority.

Currently cooking no 2 and the bump comes first.

It can be a tough decision but hey there are many on the road of parenthood! And as someone had already nodded to - feeling guilty is a fairly standard default setting.

Take care and I really hope the last few weeks of your pregnancy are a bit easier for you.

Yes, I am worried about driving (haven't tried in the last couple of weeks) and public transport not really an option. I'm going back after 8 months in same job, working with same people etc but have to think of what is right now not in 8 months time. angels that is what the doctor when I saw him, told me not to go into work - still feel guilty through!

yes notwithoutmascara I still feel guilty about work, but it stopped me feeling like I should try whatever, just guilty that I knew I wasn't able. I'm trying to go back this week (once I see my doc tomorrow and hope she changes my signed off form) but only very slowly - an hour or so a day - and I don't evenknow how I'll coep with that tbh but want to try (been signed off since bfp - have had hideous reaction to hormones).

I also get REALLY fed up with people giving me looks like they understand what I'm going through and I'm making a fuss over nothing as they could carry on as normal in pg - it drives me mad as they didn't see me when I could barely get out of bed for over 2 months, they didn't see me crying all the time as I felt so terrible, they didn't see me when I couldn't even walk into the garden as I felt so rough. They really don't understand and, trust me, if I could have tried to work when feeling bad I would have. It's all those people that don't understand (but say they do) that make us feel more guilty I think.

Exactly! I am just worried that people at work will judge me- and none of our jobs are particularly secure right now.....

What everyone else said - go and see your Doctor and just give yourself a break

FWIW (not a happy ending) I soldiered on through 1st pregnancy to 38 weeks, pretending i was having a marvellous time and wasn't I the trooper? Work still shafted me while I was on maternity leave. In my experience people are much too focussed on themselves to take too much notice of what you're doing. Take advantage of that and look after yourself and bump!