Feeling low (a bit long)

[lowra]

Not sure if I'm looking for advice, some reassurance, or just somewhere to put down my feelings but here goes.

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and just riddled with anxiety and self doubt. While a big part of me is excited about the pregnancy another huge side of me is scared and anxious about the future.

I didn't have a particularly calm childhood, largely down to the way my mother coped. It wasn't disastrous and I was loved, but there were lots of arguments, shouting and conflict in the house. I find I take after my mum, I'm naturally quite a highly strung and anxious person and life just doesn't always come easy iyswim.

Lately (well not just lately) there have been some rows with my partner. He is doing his best, and has been supportive of me, running round after me etc (have had quite bad nausea) but sometimes we just rub each other up the wrong way and I don't always feel I get what I need from him emotionally. I do love him but just don't necessarily have the confidence that we will go the distance (bit late now you might say!).

I worry that I will be a rubbish mum and my baby will have the childhood I want to avoid for him/her. I want a calm and peaceful family life but I'm just not sure I have it in me to create this.

I'm also worrying about all the possible things that could be wrong with my baby and seemed to have turned into a weeping mess.

Sorry this is so long and self pitying. Maybe I just need someone to give me a good shake.

anyone :(

The nausea and tiredness is really hard isn't it. Try and rest and be kind to yourself. Maybe try some relaxation techniques, yoga or pilates in pregnancy DVDs.

You will be a good mum because you love your baby so much. Worrying about what might be wrong in pregnancy is natural, you love your baby loads

((((hugs))))

I know it's not much comfort lowra but your worries sound totally normal. I think every pregnant woman has moments where they suddenly realise what they're getting into and feel totally like they're not up to it. Pregnancy is great but it's also a very scary time.

As far as the issues with your partner go - are they serious or are they just normal rows and disagreements? Again it's normal to have wobbles in your relationship, but do you genuinely feel that things aren't going to work out?

Now is the time to sort out your problems with anxiety and self doubt. It's great that you're aware of these problems and that's the first big step to sorting it out. The very fact that you know it's a problem means your much more likely to avoid it becoming serious. Would you consider counselling? Talking about your feelings could be a huge help.

Thanks tellnoone :)

WriterofDreams, it's hard to say with my partner. We have been together for 5 years and love each dearly. He is funny, loyal and deep down would do anything for me. But I think we both have some issues which don't help. He had a tough childhood and is very independent, doesn't easily show his feelings, and can be quite grumpy and cold. I am a very affectionate person who likes lots of reassurance (needy). This, combined with our childhood experiences makes me worry about our ability to raise a family together.

I have suffered on and off with anxiety and low self esteem and have tried counselling which has worked to some degree but I've never stuck at it. You might be right now might be a good time to look into it again.

the first twelve weeks always make me feel down and anxious. You feel better soon. You cant change the way you are, but nothing in what you write suggests you will be a bad mum. At least you realise you have these anxieties. I wish i could be a calm mum (but remember what you see of others may not be as calm at home!)

I just wanted to add my two pennies worth - not all people are calm and non argumentative! That doesn't mean you won't be a great mum and that your partner won't be a great father. We're all different. I grew up with parents who loved eachother very much but always argued and I've definitely inherited my mother's fiery personality! My DH and I often row with eachother but then we make up and move on. What I'm trying to say is we can all be great parents whatever we are like - calm or fiery! My sister is totally the opposite and she and her DH never raise their voices to eachother, but we're not all made out of the same mold!
What's important is the loving household - I would certainly not describe our household as calm and peaceful, but it is loving and caring and both our DC know we love them.
Good luck in sorting your issues out and really try not to take the last few weeks too seriously - the early months of pregnancy are enough to stress ANY relationship!
It sounds to me like taking again to someone may help you - can you ask your GP if you can see someone?

Hey
Lots of your worries sound normal and your hormones will be all over the place which tends to make things seem even worse. I think all potential parents worry that they might not be able to do what's best for their baby and in a way it would be more worrying if you were just assuming that it was all going to be plain sailing because in my experience it never is!!

I am nearly 38 weeks pregnant now and whilst I am really excited about meeting my baby sometimes I just lie in bed at night in a huge state of panic about the responsibility and worrying about whether we'll cope and whether I'll end up just like my mother (who didn't really cope very well but I know she did her best at the time). Sometimes I even wonder whether I am doing the right thing having a baby. I am hoping that I am not alone in these thoughts and that all parents to be share these concerns.

Just remember that you are not alone in your worries and that it is normal to have these concerns. If you can, talk them through with your partner. If you think it would help. ask for GP if you could see a counsellor.

Thanks ladies, have had a chat and a cuddle with my OH and feeling much better. Will have a think about the counselling, I think it could definitely be helpful. Totally agree that alot of it is my hormones. I've been all over the place for the last couple of weeks. On the plus side, I think the tiredness and sickness might be starting to lift so I'm going to try to relax and enjoy being pregnant :)