I don't know what to do

[MyWitzEnd]

I've been having an on / off relationship for about 8 years, and recently he has moved back up north, and we decided it would be best that way as we spend more quality time together.

Quality time, in fact, has led to me finding out last night that my late period is pregnancy. Please don't, whoop, or congratulate, as I am 47 years old. My kids are 28, 24, and 23.

Immediately my thoughts were to seek a termination, but then I started to think about whether it would be at all possible, feasible, morally right etc to bring a child into this world.

For termination: there is a 1/12 chance of Downs, and the test would be months off? My life wouldnt greatly change, and I would still have my freedom. I'm 47, the kid will be mortified at me turning up for parents' evening at the age of 60. The kid won't experience grandparents for very long. I probably won't live to see my grandchild/ren. I might get too tired to cope with teenage angst in my sixties.

Against termination: it is possible, I would sstill be able to work, and being financially better off than ever, I could afford a childminder. I should consider myself blessed at this age. Having another baby might change my life for the better not for the worse. I might regret a termination. My son's I know will act parental should I die when the child is still young.

I feel sick thinking about it all. My partner will go with whatever I choose, and is very supportive.

Please let me know your thoughts, however harsh.

Have I missed anything out that I should be considering?

Oh Witz what a tough situation I really feel for you.

This is a decision only you can make but it does seem from your post that you are leaning in the direction of having the baby.

Whatever you do, don't have a termination because you feel you have to, only do it if you genuinely feel that's what's totally right for you and it's what you want.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Hello Witz, didn't want to leave you unanswered this morning. What a difficult situation you are in.

I myself had a termination once (wrong person, wrong time in my life etc etc - all selfish reasons really, as undoubtedly I would have managed to provide for that DC) and I have never ever regretted it. But I had no doubt in my mind that I would not keep the baby.

Only you know in your heart what is right for you.

However I think if you do go ahead, due to your age it is really really important to ensure that there is provision for this child in the event of your early death. I would discuss it with your sons rather than assume they would take a parental role.

Cant post more now as DD feeding so only one hand, will try to come back later - more i want to say.

Thanks both. I've just done another Tesco preg test which showed negative. I'm not sure I done it right though, wasn't a morning sample, and it was quite forced, so fingers crossed, and I will try again tomorrow morning :)

Wow, what a situation to find yourself in. My gut feeling is to say how wonderful this is for you in spite of the difficulties. There has been a recent thread in pregnancy about a lady who was pregnant at 42 and battling with termination. Although her situation was slightly different to yours it might be worth a read as she was given fantastic advice. Link is below:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1031736-Pregnant-at-42-battling-with-having-termination

Good luck with the test tomorrow morning, SB

thanks for that link, I shall keep a close eye on that, and she thinks she is old lol

Hi MyWitzEnd

I'm not sure if this will help you but I thought you may like to hear from a different perspective. My mum was 44 when she had me... she thought I was the menopause, arriving 18 years after my sister and 20 after my brother. She also had several amniocentesis which came back inconclusive but still chose to go ahead with the pregnancy, figuring it was "meant to be". She tells me she never regretted it and I can't say that I ever minded having older parents as I never knew any different. Ironically I lost my father early in life from an illness which was not related to his age at all! I'm on here because I'm now expecting my first child (at 33) and my mum already has 6 grandchildren from my siblings.

Whichever decision you make will I'm sure be the right one for you.

Good luck

Hi

How're you doing today?