When to tell DC's about new baby

[annie51]

I'm 18 weeks my DH wants to tell our 2 DD's aged 7 and 5 about the hopefully new baby after the 21 week scan.
I think it's too early and would rather wait until they notice somrthing different.
Just wondering what others have done?

Any later than that with dc that age will probably not give them enough time to adjust. I have always told my older dc about a new sibling after the 12 wk scan, although having had a later mc, I can see the logic in waiting until after the 21 wk scan. What if they don't notice anything different...would you wait until 30 weeks to tell them? 35 weeks? When you bring the baby home?. I definately think you should tell them after the 21 wk scan.

I told my DS (6) the day I did the test and told DH. Can't imagine not telling him or letting him be involved tbh. He's home educated so will be coming to all my antenatal appts and has already started showing an interest in how the baby is growing through the various online sites that show the growth week by week. I told him about our last pg that ended in a m/c fairly early on and he was ok with that. A bit sad like we all were...but coped very well.

Tell them at the same time that you want everyone else to find out.

DS2's best friend, who is 7, announced to the whole school this week that his mum is expecting. His mum was a little embarrased as she hadn't intended making it public knowledge just yet!

I told my 8& 10 year olds after the first scan. I couldn't have hid it much longer & we were telling other peopleso didn't want them to hear it from someone else. We told them before anyone else.

I had to tell DD (4) when I was five weeks pregnant as she was getting increasingly distressed and worried that I was either throwing up or asleep.

I just explained to her that the baby was a little seed trying to grow in my tummy and that, like the seeds she grew in the garden with Mummy, it might not grow, but if it did it would be a baby. We then confirmed to her the presence of a baby after my dating scan. Until that point she accepted that there may not actually be a baby at the end.

To be honest, if you leave it much longer your DCs may not have time to adjust to the new baby's imminent arrival. We also found it important that DD knew before anyone else, as it is her life that is going to be affected most.

We told DD (just about to turn 4 at the time) just after the first scan. Not absolutely certain she understood and asked me if I'd eaten a baby, but now that I'm getting bigger (23 wks) she keeps asking if the 'baby has hatched yet' or if it'll 'be snowing tomorrow' as she knows the baby is due after Christmas.

I posted here a while back as to whether to take my nearly 8 and nearly 6 yr old dd's to the 12 week scan or not. I've decided not to to, but am counting down the days (10!) till I can tell them after the scan. Totally agree with nymphadora re wanting them not to find out via someone else.

I told DS (2.5) at the 12 week scan and am now 26 weeks. I didn't plan to tell him then, but on an impulse I showed him the photo and asked him what he thought it might be. Since then he's been very attached to the idea of his baby brother, and has recently started wrapping his arms round my ample bump, talking to the baby through my tummy button, and telling me he loves his baby brother! I love this aspect of it, and think we did the right thing. I did go through a bit of a wobble and once told him that not all babies worked well, and some went wrong. I know he was too young to understand properly and he then tortured me by saying, innocently, that sometimes babies go wrong, in a cheerful voice!

Even now, when he's being so affectionate to the bump, I get a little twinge of unease when I wonder how on earth you'd go about breaking it to him that his much-wanted brother had been, for instance, stillborn, but I think I'd feel like that anyway. And I've been showing since about 10 weeks, so I'd never have been able to hide it until 20 weeks!

my dd worked it out for herself when I was 6 weeks!

I assume if you are 18 weeks other people know ? so surely its only fair your kids know too?

We have family and friends told, I've had 7mc's in the past and am still wary of getting my hopes up about this pregnancy.
I don't want to tell them then give them bad news. I also think that 4 1/2 months is a long time for a child to wait.

We had to tell our DC (9 and 6) at 7 weeks as I was so sick they started getting worried about me. But we said from the start that the baby might not grow as some babies don't and we weren't going to talk about it too much until after the 12 week scan. They both seemed able to deal with that and are very excited!
We have also tried to help with the time factor by giving them milestones (like, you will be able to feel the baby kick after christmas). I don't think there is a right or wrong time, Just what works for your children!

We told our 3yo DTs after the 20 week scan and it has been great. Not too long for them to wait, but def enough time for them to adject to the idea.

adjust even!!

I'm very sorry for your losses, I can understand that you are feeling cautious.

I think it depends on how well you can restrain the family/friends (and yourselves!) who do know from talking about the pregnancy in front of your other children. We told our 2.5 DD in very general terms after the 12 week scan as people were talking about when the baby arrives in front of her and I knew she was picking up on it. It is a long time to wait, but she hasn't shown any signs of impatience or wondering where the baby is yet (27 wks), but that could be because she is much younger so has less concept of time IYSWIM.

I would imagine as your DCs are older they're going to twig pretty soon unless you're really not showing? I know my SIL's (at the time) 4 year old guessed she was pg long before the 18 week mark.

I'm as big as a house, in maternity clothes for a few weeks now. Everybody has been told that our dd's don't know so no talk around them. They might quess soon, but if I would prefer another month or two before telling.