Im being a birthing partener in the next few weeks, Got any tips in order to be helpful?

[laloony]

She is a good friend of mine having a very special baby.

We have discussed at length what she wants and expects of me, but i am a bit nervous.

What can i take and do that will be helpful? What was helpful to you in a birthing partner?

I haven't been a birthing partner but my friend is being mine and these are a few things we've discussed and might be useful though you may have already covered them;

Beaware of not talking too much and please ask medical staff to shut up if they are talking too much about unrelated things
ie their lunch (several friends have had this issue - one was being whinged at by the midwife for taking too long to push and the midwife was missing her lunch break and another friend said that having the midwife yapping the whole time was really annoying esp when she was trying to rest between contractions - unfortunatly she hadn't thought of this first and didn't want to be rude and tell her herself so now tells everyone to ask their birthing partners to be prepared to tell people to shut up :)

Try not to ask her too many questions, as again some women find it distracting. (You know your friend inside out and will know when or if this applies)

Know her birth plan inside out. That way if there are any problems or pushy midwives you can easily tell them what she wants without debate.

(For Example: I have put that I am not to be offered any pain relief, I will request it as I am sure I will be able to articulate wanting meds more easily than having to pay attention to refuse them)

Offer drinks regularlly with a straw - just hold it to her if she wants it she'll take a sip if not she'll just ignore you or wave it away.

During birth some women find that smells become really strong so I have asked that my friend doesn't wear any perfume / body sprays or eat anything strong ie garlic or curry if poss

My friend has packed a bag for herself as well - food and drink for herself, a toothbrush and paste, a few clean clothes (incase she gets anything on her ie my waters break over her or I throw up on her etc or its a long labour), swim wear (as I am planning a water birth and may want her to join me in the pool), cash for car parking and food (if I can manage to let her go to the canteen for food), her camcorder fully charged (I don't have one and may want things filmed as well as taking photos on my camera), take a note pad - that way you can always note down a few special details which might otherwise be forgotten afterwards.

Enjoy being part of this amazing experience :)

Casually mention to the medical staff that you're a barrister

Be prepared to do foot/leg rubs too...personally I couldn't bear anyone touching me from the knees upwards!

Forcibly take pictures of her + baby as soon after as possible...I kept waving my birth partner away as I was tired and didn't want a camera in my face, but I really regret it now as the only two pictures of me with newborn look like me with a bundle of blanket.

Don't whack her in the face with th gas and air mid contraction like I did to my sister.

Seriously though, just be there for her, have water or ice on hand for her, rub her back if she will let you and try be there for any internal examinations she will be having. She will et you know what she does and doesn't want you to do.

I was my sisters birthing partner years ago and it was an amazing experience. I'm quite sad that I'll not be there when she has her new baby next month.

my birth parter wrote a log and took about a hundred photos, its wonderful to look back on.
She was also fantastic at voicing my birthplan which left dp to comfort me.

Ask your friend what she thinks of a five minute rule.

When I say this, I mean when the medical staff give you advice or say that they need to do something (unless desperate emergency obviously) the phrase 'thank you for the advice, can you give us five minutes to discuss it and we'll give you an answer'.

This means that any decisions that need to be made can be made by your friend without feeling that she's being presured into them. This means that she'll be able to come away from the whole birthing experience feeling like she didn't loose too much control over the whole situation.

Birth partner should be your advocate. You do not want midwives or other medical staff talking to you mid contraction so the birth partner should tell them to shut it politely of course.

Be on hand with snacks and drinks. Offer it don't ask, if that makes sense.

Do whatever they say, don't question anything. Don't complain and focus on the labouring woman.

Be ready to interpret one word commands - maybe decide on a few beforehand.

My DH was my partner and he was fab. Calm, did exactly what he was told, very supportive ad didn't freak out.

read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth, its fab.

keep telling her how well she's doing. a positive mindset and helping her believe she can do it will do wonders for her ability to cope.

5inthebed - I'm not surprised she's not having you again :o

Take lots of photos (assuming you agree this with mum in advance). I wanted some just capturing the moment ones, ie chugging on the gas and air mid contraction etc but hadn't said this in advance and dh didn't believe me when I kept trying to tell him to at the time!

I'm pregnant with my first so haven't experienced it from that side yet but I was birth partner for my sister yesterday.
A couple of things I quickly realised I needed to do were not to take anything personally. She snapped at me a couple of times but I'm sure I'll be the same. Also, there were a lot of decisions she had to make and all of these were completely against her birth plan. They kept explaining things to her and asking her questions DURING her contractions. I had to tell them a few times to wait a minute, explained things again to her a couple of times, and asked them to fully explain some things and what the implications might be. Don't ask her too many questions and don't let midwives constantly ask her questions. You might have to be a bit of a bitch for the day towards complete strangers but remember it's all for your friend's benefit.
Oh, and DO NOT say that it's hot or you're tired. I might have mentioned that very quietly but she heard me and was not impressed with it sounding like I was complaining!
Good luck with it all.

To be fair on myself, I had the mouth thingymabob in my hand whie she was having an epidural put in, and she screamed "g nd air" at me and it was sort of a reflex reaction. We do laugh at it now.

I'm on standby incase her waste of space boyfriend faints or can't handle it (saves story for another thread).

Another tip, make sure that you have somtehing minty after anything you eat. I can remember DH coming back from KFC when I was in labour and me grabbing him and saying to him "breathe on me again and I'll fucking kill you" . I had not eaten anything for about 15 hours and was starving.