How physically active does your birthing partner need to be?

[islandbaby]

My DH was involved in a motorbike accident two months ago and had to have his leg amputated. I am due in november, and he is really concerned that he isn't going to be able to be of enough use to me during the birth.

With only one leg, using crutches, he can't support much weight or use his arms unless he is sitting down. His movement in his lower half is obviously very limited.

Did you find you needed a birth partner who could help you move about, hold you up, fetch and bring things rapidly?

I really hope for it just to be me and him in the delivery suite, but if I'm going to need someone more mobile then we'll have to be realistic about asking someone else to come.

Thanks in advance for all advice

DH was just there as far as I remember.

I do remember shouting at him to come and hold my hand at one point, as he was sat in the corner of the room reading the paper!

not very active at all with me. in fact i think the most EXp did was rub my back and hold my hand. there was no supporting my weight or running and fetching. if i wanted water the midwives got it and he was able to stay by my side the whole time. i moved about but he didn't have to.

Agree with others. The most physical thing my DH did was rub my back. And I remember being distinctly unimpressed when he stopped for a moment because he was "getting a bit uncomfortable in this position"!!

p.s. just realised that came across as quite flippant... I'm sorry your DH has gone through this.

Same comments as the others island baby.
Dh got me to the hospital (eventually!!with DS 2 he wasn't thinking straight and started to take me to the wrong hospital!)

After that he sat next to me made all the appropiate comments 'you're doing well, nearly there!! and so on'

After DS1 I feel asleep ( bit of traumatic time) and woke up to find Dh rocking DS1 in the chair looking very proud.

Good luck to all of you and enjoy your new baby when they arrive!

it's not necessary to support weight etc. i did a lot of leaning on bed, chairs, birth ball, windowsill and dh rubbed my back, talked to me, distracted me when needed. Tied my hair out of the way. Was just generally there for me.

During the latter stages my dh was sat on a sofa next to where i was perched on the edge of the bed trying to hold the heart monitor onto my stomach so his job was to be as still as possible while i stood up and sat down with each contraction. I didn't want to make it too easy for him .

It will probably be worth letting the hospital/mw know about your dh so that they can make sure you get the right type of birthing room. One of the rooms I was in was extremely small (it was a high risk room) and I can imagine you would need more space to make any movement easier (esp. if he has a wheelchair) and also the bigger the room the more it can be arranged to suit your requirements i.e. moving chairs around so dh can be near you etc.

Good luck hope it goes well for both of you

I was fairly bed bound for all my labours but any physical stuff that happened was aided by the MWs. So, if he had been in my DH's position, he would have been fine.

Without knowing either you or him, I could be barking up the wrong tree entirely, but it could be possible that he's feeling disempowered by the whole thing and feeling like he's useless.

He will still be needed and useful and you need to make sure that he understands and more importantly believes this.

You could always arrange for a close friend / relative to be on standby in case they are needed.

I hope you get past this - you must both have had an enormously difficult time recently and deserve a smooth labour and birth. I hope you get it. x

I just needed BP to bring me grapes, flannel my head and say the right thing. I think he will be able to offer you all the support you will need. I didn't do any of the partner holding stuff. Good luck.

DP didn't help with anything physical, I only needed him as emotional support. The only time I needed physical support was when I decided I needed the toilet, and the MW helped me walk from bed to the toilet.

Perhaps the only time you'd struggle would be when you first get out of the car and waddle over to the hospital, but I was still capable of walking at that point and I think most people are. If you aren't, you can ask for a wheelchair to be brought to you and wheel you in.

Sorry to hear that.

I agree with the others all he would need to do is be with you and hold your hand. Maybe pass you water or mop your face. All of which can be done from a seated position. Good luck I am sure you will both be fine.

If you or he are too worried then some hospitals will let your mum/sister/friend be there as well.

My dp only really needed to physically support me during the second stage, but I was in a supported squat. WIht both my births I've had an extra person there as well as my dp. Is that an option?

So sorry to hear about your DH's accident that must have been very traumatic for you both.

My DH was my birth partner and did very little physically to help me, but did change CDs, hold my hand and gave me cuddles etc. Went and got midwife when I asked him to but you'd have a buzzer to press so he wouldn't need to move about that much.

The positions I was in, all fours, lying on side and standing up leaning over the bed I did on my own and didn't need any help.

I'm sure he'll do absolutely fine.

Dear god - your poor DH. I do hope he is OK now. What a terrible time you have both had.

Bless him though, going through such a hideous thing like that, and he is concerned that he will not be much 'help'. he sounds like a cracking bloke.

To be honest, I think it is obviously a personal thing, but you may be like me in labour, I hissed said to XDP 'don't touch me' and he spent most of my labour idly fiddling with the gas and air canister or reading the paper.

As long as he is just there, you will be fine.

Thank you all for all the answers. That's so reassuring. I know I need him there, I really can't imagine doing this with someone else, and as long as he can rub my back and reassure me then he'll be what I need.

And yes, he is a great man, I couldn't care less if he had one leg, no legs or three legs!

Awwwww, that's lovely.

All the best for a super labour.