To (birth) plan or not to plan

[Cakemuncher]

Hello all
I have been thinking about the whole birth plan thing and I am in two minds about it. One the one hand, I am thinking that my slight reluctance to come up with a birth plan is indicative either of my laziness or my lack of organisation and preparation for birth (34 weeks at the moment).

On the other hand, midwives are trained professionals and know what they are doing. This is my first baby and so I have very little real idea of what to expect. Also, with the exception of twp, I have felt confident in the midwives I have encountered so far. Part of me thinks that I could read all the literature in the world, but, at the end of the day, a medical professional knows more than I do. In terms of pain relief, the only one that I have a bit of a reservation about is diamorphine but this is not based on rigorous scientific research.

The thing that I feel most strongly about is the skin-to-skin contact. Even if I have to have a caesarean, I want to have this: it's really important to me. I would also like not to be harrassed and made to feel like the worst mother in the world if the BF is not working out for baby and me. Would it be so very pathetic for a birth plan to have only two points on it?

Anyone out there not had a birth plan? Tell me please if it is something I really need to knuckle down and get my head around. I think part of the issue is a bit of apprehension about the birth that I am not really fully acknowledging.

And don't even get me started on the hospital bag issue...

I've never had a birth plan. I'm 7 months pg with no 4 and so far have had great labour experiences. I too may just be lazy though

I am also quite a control freak in other areas of my life and think that if I did have a plan and circumstances meant that it wasn't exactly how I wanted it to be I would find it more stressful than not having a plan.

I have always gone in with the main aim being that me and the baby are ok, however that will happen.

Who will be your birth partner? Could you make them aware of your 2 points and give them instructions to inform the midwives if you are not feeling able to yourself?

It's not at all pathetic to have a two point birth plan. My sister had "I want a managed third stage" and "I plan to breastfeed" - this is because she says otherwise the MWs keep asking her.

I didn't have a birthplan for my first and tbh I wish I had. Or at least, I wish that I had thought through things a bit better. For example, I had heard generally that it was better to be active, but then I got a lot of my "education" from watching Portland Babies on which epiduraled women give birth lying down. So when the MW told me to get on the bed I did, and when she told me to stay there I did and when I said it hurt too much lying down she got me an epidural. I think had I realised that being on my back for 12+ hours might have an impact I would have listened to my body instead and got up, but I assumed since she put me on the bed and monitor it was best for me. So, I wish I had known a bit more about the mechanics of the thing, while acknowledging that if things go wrong you have a lot less choice in the matter.

It is hard to plan, but if you have preferences, such as being active and eating through labour at least think about that now so that you/your birth partner can have that in mind when you go to the hospital.

I would write down your preferences that you feel strongly about.

It doesn't have to be a detailed blow by blow account (which to be quite frank is probably pointless) just bullet points of what is most important to you even if that is only 2 things. Otherwise if you get a good MW they will ask you lots of questions that you may not exactly feel up to answering.

Haliborange - 12 hours laid on your back on a bed , painful. I could no sooner have done that than touched my toes.

My birth plan (which I still haven't put in writing despite being 38+1) will have things about what I generally do and don't want. Maybe a list of what pain relief I don't want and what I'd prefer to try first. Then, like haliborange suggested, how active I want to be, my preference for a pool birth etc.
Then also the fact that I'd like DP, DD and I to have 20 mins after the birth alone before the whole family descend on us. I just know that no matter how long the labour is and what time she arrives, there will be a reception full of relatives wanting to be there for the whole show, but I want it to be about the three of us as a new family.

Thanks folks - these are very helpful replies.

"I have always gone in with the main aim being that me and the baby are ok, however that will happen." BuckBuckMcFate - I think this is basically how I feel about things too. I am glad to hear someone else say it!

The idea of a few bullet points sounds managable, or even telling my DH.

Haliborange, good point about moving about.

Thanks again all. I dont' feel like a lazy mare now :)

I didn't plan at all - have seen too many of my friends go through it to know that it is ultimately completely unpredictable. I did have morphine (during an induction that ultimately didn't work - had to have CS) and I would say that while it helped the pain, I was really out of it, like being very drunk and I don't have clear memories of the first 24 hours or so at all. Having said that, I think too much emphasis is placed on the birth generally. It is a necessary process but ultimately only a few hours (or in my case days!) long and then you have the whole of your lives for bonding. Really not convinced it makes a huge amount of difference what happens in the immediate aftermath. I didn't hold DS for at least an hour and he spent the first night in Special Care being fed with a syringe but did manage to breastfeed after that.
It is helpful to let you DH know what you think so he can argue your case and I would say also that moving around is helpful (so if you can, ask not be permanently monitored). Best of luck anyway.

Oh and ps, take drinking straws. You spend a lot of time propped at an angle and its hard to drink out of a cup!

Thanks trixie, that's an interesting point about the aftermath - definitely one to remember if I end up having a CS. Good tip also about straws!

I'm glad you started this thread cakemuncher, it's good to know that others feel the same way I do about birth plans. After reading some threads about detailed birth plans I've always felt quite lax in comparison!

The keep moving about is a really good suggestion and one I'd recommend if you're able to. Also a yoga ball, I used one with DC3 and it was amazing.

Also have faith that your body will know what it needs to do.

I would definitely have a plan. Putting in writing what you want may help you know what's most important and to be mentally prepared.

However, be prepared for it to not be followed. Just about everything I said I didn't want happened. Constant monitoring, confined to bed, birthing on my back in stirrups, multiple exams, ventuose.

You may get a midwife that is supportive of your wishes, you may get one that is not. In case you do, have a plan! :) There are often multiple paths to a healthy baby and mom and some are more medicalised than others. This is where a plan can help.

BTW, I didn't get skin to skin until 45 minutes after the birth. I really wanted it, but at the end of the day I still have a DS who is very close to me. Try not to worry if everything doesn't go to plan, long as you and baby are safe.

Hope all goes well.

It is worth having some ideas jotted down even if it is to make you think through a few things before the birth. A blow by blow plan is not such a good idea as inevitably it won't go according to the plan. I would suggest the key things to think about are: pain relief and have you got any strong view on this, vitamin K injection, skin to skin contact, managed or natural 3rd stage, do you want to find out yourself or be told the sex of your baby if you don't already know it.

I had a plan for all 3 of mine, but only because the midwives pestered. In fact I got really told off with DS2 because I went for a look around the new CMU when I was 37 weeks and didn't have my notes with me. Honestly, you would think I couldn't give birth without them!

I didn't have a birth plan with either of mine. Really felt that it was rather patronising to midwives etc to say, I don't want this and that and must have the other.

Until you are in labour you will have no clue what you need. Much better to go with it and rely on the midwives and doctor who are there to look after you.

I had a birth plan and I think it was helpful in working out what I did and didn't want.

I had 2 columns, one entitled 'I would rather have' and 'I would rather not have' which I felt was more appropriate than I want' and 'I don't want' as obviously, you cannot tell exactly how events are going to unfold.

As it turned out, a planned home birth became forceps with a spinal block and a 3 day stay in hospital! However, the midwives DID read my birth plan, and it was clear from the things they said e.g. saying "I know you don't want lithotomy but you might find it will help if you put your feet against the stirrups to push".

A friend of mine was offered 20 mins 'extra' to push as she had stated on her plan that she really didn't want forceps (which worked!)

However, despite the posters all around the mat ward, I felt that skin to skin wasnt really promoted (although bfing support was excellent in general) so if that's really important to you, put it down. To be honest, a 2 point birth plan is probably the best kind to have, easier for midwives to pick up at the shift change.

Oh, and a well stocked hospital bag is a blessing so do it now!Mine was only supposed to be an emergency bag but I was delighted when the midwives in the postnatal ward started pulling out deoderant, facewash, etc. for a bed bath - all stuff I'd forgotten was in there!

Do it, if only to clarify in your mind what you want.

It can't hurt, can it?

Don't beat yourself up though if it all goes Pete Tong.

You sound very realistic!
The only thing that would make a MW go is if it were 20 pages long and insistent on whale song etc.

Oh, I don't think I had one with DC 3 and had to grapple the newborn off the MW for s2s.
I was only insistent on a physiological 3rd stage, but after pains BLOODY HURT the more children you have. I was screaming "give me the jab, get it in!"

OOooh. Thanks for starting this topic. Feel the same as you - but now feel more confident in saying to DH - Breast feeding and skin contact and as many drugs as i can get....

also wondering - as the maternity unit is next to KFC - is it wrong to send him out for popcron chicken - i think my mum thought i was serious about that... !

Hi. You should write as little or as much or even not bother at all as regards to you birthing plan, its all about doing what you feel is best for you and your baby!
I didnt bother with a birthing plan just had my own ideas in my head of what i did and didn't want to happen, these of course went totally out of the window the minute i went into labour. You never really know the circumstances of what is going to happen and how well you will cope with the pain as everyone of us handle it so differently.
I decided i would try and have as little pain relief as possible and definately didn't want an epidural but once i went into labour i'm afraid i ended up having gas & air & pethedine and i did plead with them to give me an epidural after all, which i couldn't have any way in the end but it just shows how when your faced with it you just go with what ever they can give you for the pain unless of course you are stronger willed than me and cope better with the pain!!
Either way i wouldn't call you un-organised or lazy, birthing plan or no birthing plan you'll know at the time whats best.

Thanks again folks. These replies have all been really, really helpful. Very helpful to know that lack of skin-to-skin doesn't affect bonding. I know it's not necessarily going to be the case, but, being an older first time mum, I am realistic about the stats for CS. Feel considerably more relaxed now. Much appreciated :)

I have a 50/50 chance of a succesful VBAC.

For my first I didn't think a birth plan was important and I also thought it would be patronising to the midwifes who obv. know a lot more than me.

But this time round my birth plan will include the following things:

1. I want to be mobile. I have spoke to my consultant about this but want the midwives to know how important this is to me without actually having to demand it. I know I could be pinned down with monitering due to high risk labour and am sure that being restricted to the bed last time didn't give dd the chance to move down. My whole body was screaming at me to move but I wasn't allowed. This time round I want to be able to move as I feel the need to.

2.Skin to skin (didn't get this with dd till she was about an hour old due to emcs but if I have to have another emcs I want baby on me asap. It didn't affect bonding between dd and I (or breastfeeding) but its definatly something I want to experience this time round.

3.I want dh to tell me the sex, someone blurted it out with dd and although I hadn't considered it before labour, it's actually something I want dh to tell me (or me to discover myself!)