just found out and KNOW that family and some friends wont be impressed!

[Bonkerz]

It all sounds so trivial i know!
DH and i have been 'trying' for our last baby for over 4 years. a year ago we had tests which showed i wasnt ovulating and we decided that actually we didnt want to stress about it. Since then ive thrown myself into job and study and home and have reached a point where im happy with my life. DH and I have been having some rough times, not getting on, sex life dire, financially we are not in the best place but i dont think many of us are!
Anyway, back in March my sister announced she was pregnant with her 5th, it completely threw me TBH and i was gutted! Dh noticed this and we discussed the possibility of taking the doc up on his offer of Clomid but DH would need a sperm test. AGain life took over and we didnt do anything to correct our situation.
SO.....im now 5 weeks pregnant, realised last week i wasnt feeling right and did a test (now done 7 tests!) but im too scared to tell people! My sister will think im just copying her (weird relationship where she thinks im a snob and is quite competitive) and i know she will have a good old bitch about me with some of her friends etc but mostly im not sure she will be happy for me.
MIL will be annoyed as it will be her 10th grandchild and she has made it known how she doesnt want anymore. I knwo she will also think we are mental in our current financial situation.
I know my boss will not be impressed as she has just sorted flexible working for me as DD is now at school and im studying a degree through work which will be difficult with baby due in May.
All these things are playing in my mind and im too scared to tell people about being pregnant! I genuinely feel like a teenager who will dissappoint so many people by having thsi baby :(

Bonkerz, I am not sure what to say really.

Are you saying you are ambivalent about this pregnancy?

If you are, then you need to think about that. Obviously your financial and marital situation have an impact on that. Otherwise, why are you worried about what other people think? Is this a displacement of your own feelings IYSWIM?

Family planning is completely a matter for you and your DH. No-one in their right mind has a baby to compete with their siblings (and anyway it does not sound like this is baby no.5 for you, so what is the competition?)

MIL is not raising this baby and has no right to be annoyed with you or her son.

Your boss may not be impressed but after 4 years of infertility you can hardly say that you planned or expected this. She will just have to lump it.

Most people do not tell family and friends until they have past the 12 week mark anyway, so why not take your time to get your head around this before telling anyone?

Congratulations, by the way (presuming that is the right thing to say).

Firstly, congratulations! This is good news!

If your sister cannot be happy for you, then frankly stuff her. Does she know the struggles you've had conceiving? She would have to be completely heartless to not be pleased for you.

As for your MIL, it's not up to her to dictate how many grandchildren she wants. It has nothing to do with her, and I'm sure she'll be pleased when the baby's here- if not it's her loss.

Lots of people fall pregnant when not in the best of financial situations- lets face it, when are we ever?! Your boss may not be over the moon but she can't discriminate against you. I found out I was pregnant last month, which was sadly a chemical pregnancy, but was concerned as I've just started a new job. We've decided to start trying straight away anyway as life is too short.

Please don't stress- things will work out for the best

Congratulations! :)

Have to agree with what the others said with regard to your sister and MIL.

It's really none of their business and it is absolutely not their place to dictate whether or not you have another child.

And it's not your job to arrange your life to please them! Or to apologise, or explain, or otherwise try to placate them.

To paraphrase what a friend said to me (when someone we knew was trying to make us feel crap about having had a baby - didn't work, but we got fed up with the nastiness and broke contact), whatever their problems are, those are their problems. You owe it to yourself not to allow their issues to be a problem for you! :)

well firstly, considering you were trying for four years serious Congratulations are in order!!
Secondly, I know exactly how you feel because I have been SO broody for about 2 years now and my dd begged for a little sister or brother but me and dh have had a lot of issues although seem to have worked through them now and our financial situations has been terrible until the last 12 months and were just getting everything on order which feels great! the LAST thing I need now is to get pregnant and not be able to work full time and put that emotional and finaical pressure back on us. Its a very hard decision for me but I feel its taken out of my hands!
YOU have to decide whether you want this baby and not care about sister,and MIL not wanting anymore grandchildren- its really not her decision!
you and baby need to be taking care now and resting and not stressing its the most important first weeks not worrying about everyone else

Congratulations, you have to go with whats in your heart.

How does your DH feel about this news?

As long as the two of you are happy about it, everyone can mind their owns beeswax!
Work have to be flexible and its sounds like you don't want to abuse their flexibility but life has a habit of getting in the way and things like this can't be planned to a T.

As for the family- if they can't say anything nice, then they shouldn't say anything at all.

Even if they did, speak your mind and then blame your hormones.(wink)

Wow congratulations.

When If others start saying stuff then I would keep a thought out retort on the tip of you tongue "to be honest after 4 years of trying we are just grateful for our miracle" accompanied with big fixed smile and glare IYSWIM.

You silly moo stop trying to find reasons to worry and enjoy it!

Have you spoken to your DH about this new baby? I would as he'll hopefully be as delighted as you and will be able to reassure you that it's a blessing.

congratulations - that is fantastic news - though better once you get to 12 weeks - how aout hanging on until then to tll people other than your DH?

then - i agree - after 4 years, it can't really be represented as anythign but stonking good luck.

congratulations!

Who cares what other people think? They don't matter.

And if your sister says anything, you can always say, coldly, "We have been trying for four years, actually."

Congratulations!
Firstly if your sister and MIL are what they sound like, they're not the kind of people you'll be wanting to have much of a role in your life, and you certainly won't want their influences on your children. It doesn't matter whether your boss is annoyed or not, there's nothing she can do about it now. Maybe just start looking into and thinking about how you'll manage with 2 LO's and doing a degree. Maybe ask for a meeting with her to discuss how you'll continue with your studying and what your goals will be over the next couple of years.
I think that as long as you and your DH are happy you just need to focus on yourselves and your future together. If your relationship has been struggling, it's unlikely to get much easier now so maybe look into getting some counselling or just focus on communicating more and spending more time together.
I hope all goes well for you.

A new baby is a wonderful thing, and anyone who is supposed to love you and your DH who doesn't feel that way is a cretin.

Your boss may not be impressed, but she will get over it.

People are not going to be disappointed. Most people are going to be thrilled for you.

Are you sure you're not worrying about this a little too much? I know I felt quite ambivalent about one of my pregnancies, even though I was desperate for it to happen. It's such a big deal when you find out you are pregnant I think it is quite normal to have mixed feelings.

thanks for the replies guys, i probably am over thinking it. I agree part of this is MY issues about this baby mainly because i really still cannot believe im pregnant! after so long i had resigned myself to the fact that it wasnt going to happen and had decided that once christmas was over with i would go back on the injection....i needed that time to come to terms with not having another IYKWIM.
Dh is pleased as punch, and i am too i think although i am apprehensive because of 2 miscarriages i had before i had DD. We have decided not to tell anyone till October (in RL i mean, hence the posting on here!)

Congratualtions :)

I think you're probably over worrying to be honest. I was petrified of telling my family because I believed they would be so angry that I had got pregnant when I am in as much debt as I am. In the last year I have been bailed out financially by my parents and my grandparents after my partner lost his job in the recession and couldn't find another. I also had a bad run of landlords and had found myself homeless twice in one year (arguing with your landlord is bad, no matter how right you are. Took me two evictions to learn that)

I told them last weeks and was shocked at their reaction. My dads face totally lit up, they were so excited for me. I told my boss and big boss and they both greeted me with "congratulations" and were happy for me. You never know, could be the same for you :)

Brilliant. I am so pleased Bonkerz.