seeking advice on miscarriage please.......

[nannyjo]

my good friend, who thought she was 13 weeks pregnant, went for her scan today and found out she lost the baby at 8 weeks

I don't know what to say and am worried that what i do say might be too sympathetic IYSWIM??

I'm also finding it very hard myself, when she talks about it i just want to cry for her but i'm sure thats the last thing she wants. i find it very emotional myself having had a baby and thinking how she must possibly feel.

What would you want to hear, how do i do it without crying myself?? (don't want to sound selfish but i didn't realise it would shock me this much)

I dont think there is anything you can say really. If she wants to talk though, just listen. Dont avoid her or try to change the subject. I am sure you know she needs grieve. I think it is OK to tell how sad you are feeling for her. About a month or so after my miscarriage my BF and I went out got drunk and had a good old cry together. It helped.

Nannyjo, it depends on your friend but one of the nicest things a good friend did for me when I told her about my mc last year was to stand and cry with me - no platitudes, just a hug and a few tears - it meant a lot at the time and still does. So many folk tried to say the "right thing" and often ended up saying daft things like "at least it was early" "probably for the best" "you can have another" the usual well meant but badly timed comments. Just be there for her and let her talk - the other thing I struggled with was people who avoided the subject or hedged round it. I don't think it's possible to be too sympathetic, mc is horrible and can leave you feeling really lonely - people don't tend to talk about it and often don't choose to share their own experiences until later - it's easy to feel you're the only person it's happened to, even though you know that's far from the truth. HTH