refusing 2nd hand baby things from friends

[MoJangles]

This is a really nice problem to have but I'm feeling awkward about it and don't want to upset anyone -advice please!

Am 29 weeks and have lots of friends who are ahead of me in the procreation stakes, meaning I've had lots of offers of hand-down baby things. Their generosity has meant I havent had to buy a cot, crib, sling, steriliser, bouncy chair or changing table, and have a supply of baby clothes and towels.

But I'm becoming a bit swamped by offers - eg, 4 car seats - and need to start saying no to things I don't need. Not sure how to do this without causing offence, especially since I really am grateful for the support and generosity, and know people probably see some of their special baby items as family heirlooms that shouldn't be sniffed at.

Anyone else managed to deal with this with grace?

take as many different slings as you can get your hands on - we were passed on 3, tried them all, have one we love - but if buying we might not have gone for it!

Car seats - don't forget to ensure that they have never been in an accident - in fact, I thought this was the one thing you're advised not to get second hand because it can be very hard to spot hairline cracks which could render it unsafe. Or something.

1Catherine1 - you will probably find that your family/friends will buy your baby lots of new things but maybe not until after he/she arrives.

yy and Surestart do them sometimes too, it'd be worth giving your local children's centre a ring.

I am never remotely offended if someone tells me 'no thanks I already have x'. And if I can't find anyone who wants it to palm it off on, I take it to a charity shop. I think we all do it with the best of intentions - to save you money on stuff that you use for a year at most!

Congrats on your pregnancy :)

Wanting stuff new is insane in my opinion (unless you're very wealthy). Babies are stupidly expensive - you spend £s on stuff that they wear for about a month. Even if you get given loads you still get to spend. My DS's clothes were virtually brand new and some of them (gifts) were fantastic quality. It's cutting off your nose to spite your face for most of us.

1Catherine1 - if you CAT me, I will gladly send you anything my DS has grown out of/isn't interested in any more. I have given away most of his clothes but I do have quite a few toys/books hanging around and we need to have a huge clear out as we're moving. :)

I am going to have a couple of carseats going spare soon too.

You're right, it's a lovely 'problem' to have. I'd either thank people and explain you already have the item they're offering or ask if they are passing them on permanently/on loan thus giving you the opportunity to say, "I've already been offered/bought one but my friend X would be delighted - would it be okay to pass it on to her?".

When my eldest was born I was lent a load of baby clothes by someone I worked with. They were a godsend as I had no real idea quite what I liked/needed in the way of clothing. As DD1 was the first grandchild on both sides and I was the first of my friends to have a baby there wasn't really anyone who was offering me their pre-loved equipment. Six years, and another DD down the line, I am that person offering baby clothes and equipment to my numerous pregnant friends. I have sold a lot at NCT sales and given away some more but the loft is filling up so I'm always saying, "let me know if you want to come and help yourself to any of my stuff... and I won't want it back!".

If you accept any baby clothes on loan, write the initials in biro on the label.

Also, really clarify if the giver is giving them as a gift or wants them back. See the current thread on AIBU featuring a misunderstanding over the loan of a coat!

Only accept loans-until-we-want-them-back if you feel that you have the storage space to accommodate the loaned items along with the other baby items that will rapidy be stored away within a few months.

Easy, just say, I've already got that bit. They'll understand.

1Catherine1, where are you and what do you need?

It is nice to not have to buy everything and be able to get one or two special things instead.

Having said that I hope you don't end up with a bag full of stuff like I did. It was from a friends sister and was literally rags and at the bottom was one of those gel things that you put on your fanny after you've had stitches in a very obviously used condition! It was really dreadful as I looked through it when my friend was there and hadn't got a clue what the gek thing was until my friend said "oh yeah, she ripped really bad down there and said that was a god send in her knickers at night!"
I know it was kind, but I gave my hands a good old scrub when I got home!

I don't think I'm the type to borrow things since I am awfully clumsy with stuff and can't be trusted not to break them. And yes, I'm petrified of holding my baby but that's another issue.

Thanks for the ideas of where to get stuff. I am only early on atm (12 weeks, first scan on Monday) so I currently have only the odd bits I've picked up here and there although my little sister is so excited at being an aunt she has told me she is going to buy me the car seat I want.

Like 1Catherine1, I am in the opposite position and will be the one buying things new and then lending them out to my friends who are all weeks/months behind me in pregnancy. Ah well, at least it's money I'm not spending down the pub or on clothes for myself. And with any luck we will be able to have another baby one day so will hopefully get everything back in a reasonable state