How is your OH coping with your SPD? Mine's a bit crap really

[ziptoes]

This is my second time around with SPD, and it's a pig. I'm not in too much pain (compared to some of the stories on here), but I'm really paranoid about doing myself in such a degree that I become completely immobile. Carrying DS or picking him up hurts. Walking for longer than 10 minutes hurts. It feels like my world is getting progressively smaller. So why does DH keep insisting on going out on his bike (twice a week in the evening and at least once a weekend? In pregnancy #1 I put it down to cold feet at the prospect of becoming a dad. And I didn't mind being left at home alone with a good novel or some telly. But this time around I'm getting a bit sick of being left on my own with a skirling 2 yo who doesn't understand why mummy can't carry him any more.

I know SPD is hard for DH to understand, and he hates the fact that his usually active wife is so out of commission. If you have had SPD how did your OH deal with you getting progressively less mobile?

hiya, i had spd last time and like you my dh didnt really get it either. this time if i do get it will be v hard with a toddler, so i can totally empathise. i guess just try to explain it to him and maybe he could just go out on the weekend rather than in week too? do u have any friends or relatives nearby who could help out? i know its awful as i had crutches towards the end but it did go away quite quickly after the birth though. i think best thing is ti try and get as much help as u can. how many weeks are you?

Have you had physio? I'd highly recommend it. And staying as active as you can - the best way to manage SPD is to improve muscle tone to hold youself together better. Immobilising yourself when you don't need to will only lead to loss of muscle tone and increased muscle tension (so worse SPD symptoms).

Physio and swimming are really helping me and I'm managing to stay active otherwise thanks to that - e.g. went for a 40 minute dog walk yesterday and was fine afterwards.

mine goes from being an overprotective clucking hen to giving me a list of things that he needs help with (that I have no chance of completing). So he swings widely.

I have a dd 2.9 and I just make sure that when he is home i rest or slow down and he takes over with dd completely because that's the bit i find the hardest.

I also told him that it feels like i have been kicked in the goolies he seemed to be able to relate to that!

I'm 37+2 and have a relatively mild dose of SPD compared to many women. It only started at about 30 weeks and I'm still at work. My DP definitely doesn't get it but I think it's especially hard for him to understand as I have some days where I'm fine and some days when I can barely move.
I just think it's something he could never understand unless he experienced it. I certainly didn't understand before I had it. My sister had terrible SPD and I have apologised for not being sympathetic enough because I just didn't understand it.

Can you talk to your DH about how much it hurts when you do some things, and about how you're worried that it'll get worse, and might have an impact on how you give birth?

I've found physio great - I saw someone who didn't 'do' anything to me, but taught me how to pull in my vaginal and lower abdominal muscles before doing anything - sitting, standing, lifting (if absolutely necessary!), turning over in bed, walking... It really seems to have made a difference. Great for getting my pelvic floor exercises done too. Will try swimming if I can be that organised.

My DH has been brilliant, I have to say. We were at a festival yesterday where DS was just taking off into the crowd and running all the time. I couldn't stagger after him fast enough, and DH was basically on 'chasing duty' the whole day.

Japhrimel, if I went for a 40 minute walk with my dog with my SPD I would be writing in agony! I am on crutches and even with those I can struggle. I wouldn't advise exercise for everyone as SPD, no more than pregnancy itself, is different for every woman. For some movement helps, for others, it is too agonising. Some women end up in wheelchairs. My physio advised me not to push myself beyond what was comfortable. To the OP, if walking for more than 10 minutes is painful, only walk for 10 minutes. I understand your irritation at watching him head off for bike rides and so on. I also am sometimes confined to my flat as I can't manage the two flights of stairs. My DH is pretty understanding, but I still feel irritable if he goes out without me!

Thanks. It must be so hard for people's OHs to get it. Not sure about the goolies thing for me, as I'm not writhing around on the floor. I think you're spot on about it being different for everyone. I went to a group physio session at the hospital and two of the women were wearing heels, and three were crossing their legs! no way I could do a 40 minute walk, but up til recently I was cycling.

Anyhow DH caught me typing last night and we ended up having a huge chat about it all. He's agreed that he doesn't go out without getting stuff as set up as possible before he goes. So in the evening DS will be fed and in his Pjs, if it's in the morning DS will be dressed. DS is going through a wanting to be naked all the time, fighting like a cat when being dressed and kicking out when his nappy is being changed. Not good with a 30 week bump to protect! I don't want to stop DH going out - he needs a break too. But I'm glad that MN has helped (in an oblique way) in us getting something sorted to help me deal with our lovely bonkers DS.

Hope everyone else's SPD gets better soon

Ziptoes glad you've managed to sort something out. My DD is also going through the hate getting dressed stage (even when we finally manage it she promptly undresses again!) and dealing with the physical aspects of a toddler is the hardest part. It's all a bit to low down for me.

DH isn't as such the problem it's MiL. DH has a bad back, that's agravated when he does heavy lifting, which he's been doing lately as we have been decorating. MiL told me off for not helping, even though she knows I have SPD and shouldn't aggravate it. She's driving me insane. She makes me feel like a bad woman. But I tell him to get help and he won't. We have the carpet fitters coming week after next and will have to move furniture then. I'm already booked for an afternoon out with some friends, MiL has told me no, it's not on. I have to stay and help. Helping involves me sitting/standing directing other people. She won't help, so why is she complaining. DH will not tell her to butt out or anything as he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Even though she had me in tears last night..... DH is understanding and will try to support me but won't stand up to mummy dearest.

Cakemuncher - I was advising physio, not lots of exercise. Physio is enabling me to do more exercise.

Plus, the OP talked about getting paranoid about doing anything.

I have a Physio appointment next week. I know iI'm not in the worst condition, it's aggravated by sitting at a desk all day and not getting a chance to move. It would be that my last few months at work are the busiest of all the year. Results, registration etc a small team that's already down three members, and I feel conscious of not pulling my own weight. Today is the first day i've actually had off. I've been averaging 10 hour days and after not sleeping because of the discomfort last night, I can't carry on. I just hope the OP can give me some good advice and tips. It's taken 6 weeks for them to give me an appointment since being referred by my doctor.

Kellstar, I think you should request a work station assessment, your employer has very specific H&S guidelines to follow for pregnant employees. I had an assessment monthly. My SPD was quite bad at one point, getting up from the chair to the loo 20 paces away was a considered 'trip' the mention of 'exercise' made me lol. But I have to say I was my most comfortable at my desk and I was able to work until I was 38 weeks.

I had a fully adjustable chair with head rest, a lumbar support and coccyx cusion and foot rest. If you don't get this right and you are sitting 10 hours a day you will suffer of course, some chairs I could not sit in for 5 minutes! Do escalate this with your employer.

Kellstar. You need to find a way to tell your MiL to butt out. Maybe you could point her to some of the threads on here by women who have ended up in serious long term difficulties with SPD? I bet the carpet fitters would be more understanding.... Could you sit and direct them and then ask them to move the chair between rooms?

I have just had three days at work that involved getting lifts in from a colleague (door to door) all being on one floor (no stairs) and getting home late (missing DS's bedtime). I hate to say it, but I feel miles better, which has really brought home how much I need to not do stairs at home, and avoid lifting DS. Am planning upstairs trips now to as to avoid stairs whenever possible. Unfortunately DS's potty is too small for me to use, so I still have to go upstairs to pee!

And sedgiebaby I completely agree about the workstation assessment. The people I worked for when I had my first bout of SPD bought me a new fully adjustable chair. Makes a big difference just to tilt the seat every now and then.

Oh and don't carry anything. Had a different work event a couple of weeks ago which involved the same trip in (car,train, taxi) and amount of walking. The first day I had to carry my laptop around and was sore, the second I didn't take it, and was much less sore. And it only weighs a couple of pounds.