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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Sex and the pregnant lady!

22 replies

excitedmummy2be · 30/08/2010 13:07

I'm 31 weeks pregnant and haven't been able to enjoy sex for my entire pregnancy! I can't believe that it won't hurt the baby or bring on premature labour. I know all the books say to the contrary but I can't relax and enjoy it as I'm looking for blood or waiting for some pain or indication that somethings wrong. Anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:

sotough · 30/08/2010 13:27

hi, same here. no action since conception. in fact we did have one attempt and it was nice but afterwards i was so fearful that i might have damaged the little one that i cried. i figured then that it's just not worth it. however i have a good excuse for paranoia as we've had four miscarriages and this pregnancy is our miracle. i've conditioned myself to stop thinking about sex completely.

Original poster

excitedmummy2be · 30/08/2010 13:35

I'm sorry about your 4 MCs. We had a MMC last year and I think that's where paranoia stems from. DH is great about it and we do have sex every so often but I'm just so terrified of doing some harm. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. How many weeks are you now sotough with your little miracle?

OP posts:

sotough · 30/08/2010 16:19

i'm 20 weeks! and i'm excited, but still can't quite believe it will be all be okay.
on the sex front, at a very detailed 14 week scan we had, it looked like i have an anterior/low lying placenta. they didn't say anything at the time but i've since discovered that if you have a low lying placenta sex can be very dangerous - another reason for me to just forget it! it may well be that my placenta has moved now - we'll see at the 21 week scan - but i'm not risking it.

ethelina · 30/08/2010 16:25

39 weeks now and apart from the first month or 6 weeks we've managed once a week and thoroughly enjoyed it. I luckily have no problems like low placenta or prev mc or prem labours so I wasn't worried. Nothing adverse has happened yet, in fact in baby doesn't give me some hint he's on the way by next sat then I shall be stepping up the pace!

ReshapeWhileDamp · 30/08/2010 19:47

I don't like sex during pregnancy. There's always a bit of a worry that you might 'set things off', however irrational you know this is. (You're generally told if you have a condition where you shouldn't have sex.)

All the pregnancy books exhort you to try out new positions and enjoy the enhanced blood flow to the groin, etc. Pah. I might get an enhanced orgasm, but it also hurts a bit and sometimes I have extra Braxton Hicks contractions for the next few hours. I'd settle for a nice back rub, personally!

mrsflux · 30/08/2010 19:52

i SO don't feel like it at the minute as i'm tired and a bit queasy.
i didn't last time either. dh thought it was a bit weird (irrational but fair enough), i felt totally unsexy and both of us worried it might start things off.

can't imagine i'll be feeling frisky any time soon!

mrsflux · 30/08/2010 19:53

oh and the one time we tried ds moved about so much it was impossible to think about anything other than him!

Wholelottalove · 30/08/2010 21:17

Not liking sex in pregnancy. Apart from being knackered etc just find it hard to get/stay in mood. We had to stop the other night as baby was kicking and it put me off, plus boobs are still quite sensitive. I went right off sex last pg too and did get my mojo back afterwards (although not in the early, milk leaking everywhere bit of BF).

LovelyKatie · 30/08/2010 23:45

I love it !!
I had to be different! sorry.

im 13 weeks and I am sick every morning and I get every other annoyance lol but the second my partner reaches for my leg or strokes me i get super excited or sometimes were lying in bed and we dont speak but we both just know and we both slip off and he slips in

sorry to be so detailed but i think its an attraction thing with me im just so happy that he still sees me as a sexual predator towards him

I hope everyone regains their appetite for sex soon !

jjkm · 31/08/2010 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SolidGoldBrass · 31/08/2010 01:23

I had quite a lot of sex while PG but everyone reacts differently (I was single and had to go and get it in swingers' clubs which is a whole other story). It's very understandable that if you have had MCs you would be scared of it - and some women feel far too sick to be interested. But it also can happen that you get ragingly horny in the second trimester - basically do what feels right to you and consult your MW if you have any concerns about your pregnancy.

Original poster

excitedmummy2be · 31/08/2010 06:39

Thanks for all your responses. JJKM and LOVELYKATIE.... Lucky you! But for me it's not about losing the desire or being close to my DH, it's sheer terror that I may hurt the baby. Having had a mc, which I found massively traumatising, I just can't relax and go with it. I wish I could have your attitudes more but for some it's just not that straight forward I don't think. Certainly not I my case anyway :(

OP posts:

sanielle · 31/08/2010 08:49

I find that if I make the effort its fantastic, but that generally I can't be arsed to make the effort.. Odd. I have the option of best sex of my life.. or a little lie down, and it's like ooh nap time! Dh and I had were really nervous though for a while and just couldn't bring ourselves to do it for quite a while.

SolidGoldbrass, can I ask were you showing when you went to the swingers clubs? What kind of reactions did you get? Sorry I am just nosy curious.

redbird79 · 31/08/2010 09:40

Anyone with a bump worked out best potions yet? Sorry if a bit forward, but last couple of attempts have left me and DH in hysterics

SolidGoldBrass · 31/08/2010 10:01

Sanielle: yes, hugely, i went a few times from about 30 wks onwards and found that most of the blokes were really into the idea, got lots of friendly belly-rubs as well as other things.

EM2B: it's totally understandable that you feel this way after having MCd. If you are regarded as higher risk for MC you might be advised by MW to avoid sex anyway. Is your DH/DP getting a bit unhappy about the lack of sex? Make sure you keep talkingto him and don't be put off being physically affectionate. BTW some men go right off sex when their partners are PG, which can be very unfortunate if the partner is one of the women who get massively randy from about wk 15 onwards and the bloke is too freaked out to oblige her.

Mahraih · 31/08/2010 10:16

DP and I had sex a few days ago, partly with me lying on my front (bump is not big, just a paunch) and now I keep thinking that we've squished the baby and I'm having awful dreams about it.

I may ask midwife if she can get me a cheeky scan, but doubt it. It is just paranoia, am sure, and completely understand the fears of other people on here.

sanielle · 31/08/2010 10:55

Doggy style seems to work out best for me redbird79 but was always fond of it

Thanks for answering me sgb was hoping you didn't think I was being hugely rude for asking.

Original poster

excitedmummy2be · 31/08/2010 11:16

"sgb" no DH is great about it. TBH I think he feels very similar to me and quite nervous about it. It's silly really as both of us feel this way so it shouldn't be a problem but I hate the idea of being one of these couples that stop having sex when they are pregnant! I just want our normal sex life back but can not relax about it... No matter how many times I read or hear that sex is fine :(

OP posts:

ethelina · 31/08/2010 11:43

Spoons for lazy sex first thing.

Doggy for more activity. Also from behind in the shower is good.

whirleywoo72 · 31/08/2010 11:49

im 37wks, and i found doggy does it for me, apart from getting cramp at the back of my legs, he just pushes me over when we have finished, lol xx cos i cant move. its uncomfortable now, so i just sort him out. xx

MadameG · 31/08/2010 18:00

I've been 'off' sex since conception- I've had a really sickly pregnancy the whole way through and have felt about as sexy as a lump of poo.

That said, we have done other stuff, but actual full sex while suffering from sciatica/ SPD and endless infections just wasn't happening.

SolidGoldBrass · 31/08/2010 23:43

EM2B - really, don't upset yourself. If both you and your H feel uncomfortable about the idea of having sex then don't do it. It's not compulsory. It's only a problem when the man feels distressed by the lack of sex no, not that a man's 'needs' matter more or anything, but if the H is equally reluctant to get jiggy then the couple REALLY don't need to stress about what other people might be doing, or might think or say about what the couple want to do.
Though it might be worth thinking about the fact that post-birth you will feel even less inclined to have sex and that this may go on for quite a while - again, keep the communication open.

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