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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Top tips for Dads-to-be

12 replies

Newdad · 09/08/2001 18:45

I know, this is Mums Net, but as a Dad-to-be and now a first time New Dad I have been keenly reading many of the threads here and have found them most interesting and informative (and damn funny too!)

So on behalf of any New Dads-to-be out there, and as a NewDad who greeted his baby daughter just 24 hours ago, here are my top tips for the labour, (perhaps other Dads would like to add?):

Take a flannel or two, use as a cold compress on the head, neck or lower spine. Seemed to help. But be warned - cold flannel on lower back was first met with "hmm thats nice" and later with "Get that off me!". Rule one - you can't win all the time!

Learn these lines and repeat incesantly: "Breathe through it", "Don't Push" and "Push!!".

Expect to be glared at by other half as you tell her the above. Rule two - Your efforts to help will not always be favourably received!

Take a hanky. You WILL need it ;-)

Prepare to be absolutely stunned at your wife/partners bravery, resiliance and stamina, and to come out of the experience feeling rather humbled. Rule three - prepare to be surprised!

Gentle pressure on the lower back just above the bum on the spine (with the palm of your hand) really helped ease the back pain. Your wife might like this too(!). The midwife will show you how.

Be prepared for the midwifes to ignore you: they are not rude, their priority is the mother and baby. Some of them are scary though ;-)

Speak up for your partner, she will be relying on you. Be assertive.

In the final stage of labour (the Push bit) your other half will not look human. Eyes rolling, teeth bared and animalistic grunts are to be expected. She will return to normal. Eventually.

If blood doesn't worry you, take this chance to see the head emerging. Amazing. Otherwise look away!

The big grin you will experience when you see your baby could result in lock-jaw. Savour the moment.

Lastly, enjoy the experience!

Apologies for typos, spelling etc, rather tired. This is all meant in good humour, I hope no-one will take offence.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Dorisday · 09/08/2001 20:09

Congratulations!!!! But how the hell can you keep yor eyes open long enough to go on the net ??!!
I suppose you are still buzzing from the experience.As I read your note I got a lump in my throat, recalling the lower back massaging for a constant 4 hours- I really admire all men who do this for their partners,as my other half has developed arthritis due to this dedication!
So , come on , what did you get? what did he/she weigh etc . We know you want to tell the world!!!!
My husband , Andrew would like to offer you some advice, 'keep up with the laundry , otherwise it can be a bone of contention!!'

Pupuce · 09/08/2001 22:16

My hubby is about (in a few days HOPEFULLY) to go through this again (numero 2) and I will make him read your recommendations.
We were talking about this the other day and he said that it is quite frightening to see how very painful it can get for the mother - he felt like telling the midwife (bear in mind my labour lasted 24 hours out of which 6 were about pushing!)... "just "kill her" she can't be in this much more pain....." - he only told me this now.... not then !!!!

I hope I get the massages (I did not want to be massaged the last time as I had a back labour*)... He did hold my hand last time until I heard the midwives laughing, I looked up and he was in agony.... I was squeezing so hard he was about to faint - he has suggested that I put my energy into the pushing not the squeezing .... he may have a point ;-)

  • BTW - your wife said that the baby was OP (posterior) before she went into labour.... it must have turned - that's great !
Joe · 10/08/2001 07:14

My husband was also amazed at the whole thing and was lucky enough to deliver our son, so we had tears and all. He also had broken fingers, well, nearly.

Rosy · 10/08/2001 11:38

Back massage suits some people, but I know that I was happy for my husband to be curled up in the chair in the corner while me and the midwife got on with it. You could go on forever giving advice to new parents, so I restrict myself to only two pieces. 1. Dads, give lots of hugs and kisses for weeks (& months) afterwards. When you're feeling tired and hormonal it's not easy to say "give me some love and attention". 2. It gets better! I felt so depressed when having a very small baby wasn't as good as I'd expected it to be, but by about 8 weeks I was loving it. Those first eight weeks do seem to have lasted forever though, even now!

Tom · 10/08/2001 12:32

Nice one NewDad - care to add them to Fathers Direct's discussion boards as well?

Another good hint is: In the 3rd stage of labour, its v. common for women not to want to be touched - don't take it personally!

Interesting research fact: Women with partners who are a. prepared for labour (i.e. know some basic info about it... pain relief options etc), and b. are supportive... report less pain in labour... so we are of some (limited!) use!
Tom

Azzie · 10/08/2001 18:10

Tom - forget the 'limited use' - my husband was just wonderful and I don't know how I would have got through my 2 labours without him. Not only was he brilliant at getting me to relax, but with him there I could concentrate on the business in hand and be sure that he wouldn't let anyone do anything that I didn't want. He made me feel really safe - he'd done his homework, knew what was going on, and was absolutely vital to me and helped to make both experiences about as good as anything so painful could be! So all you dads just remember - whatever your partner says to you in the heat of the moment, the fact that you're there and trying to help really means something.

Dorisday · 11/08/2001 22:12

Don't know if this is normal but my hubby was feeding me chocolate-as i was starving -right up until the last few minutes(i only pushed for 5 mins the 2nd time round) so if there are any men out there with Taurean/food loving ladies-keep chocolate at hand!

Nmd · 12/08/2001 08:43

Opal fruits did it for me - he just couldn't unwrap them fast enough!

Newdad · 22/08/2001 12:26

DorisDay, you are right, I could only keep my eyes open because of the post-birth buzz and because mother and baby were still in hospital!

Well, its been a long 2 weeks since the birth and boy is it tiring! Since you ask, we had a baby girl who we have named Hannah, she was 7lbs 8oz, and had all the required bits and is perfect. Fine lungs too, that she likes to exercise a lot, especially at night ;-)

DorisDay, I have heeded your hubbies advice and am keeping on top of the laundry. Messy things, babies!

Tom, I'll have a look at the Fathers Direct site When I get time. Any thoughts on when that might be?!!

Pupuce, yes, well spotted, she was OP the day before she was induced, I think she moved to a more favourable position overnight thankfully! Like the comment about your hubby thinking "just kill her" - LOL!! Seeing your other half in such pain is quite distressing. BTW has number 2 arrived yet?

Rosy, the back massage really helped Joan, more so than the TENS machine. But to be honest, the midwife was doing this for much of the time and was much better at it than me. "It gets better" - sure hope so! The first 2 weeks seem an age. Lovely at times though. Lots of TLC being given as advised!

Got to say I can see why you hear so little from new parents for some time after the birth! So little time, so much to do, so many nappies to change, so much poo.

Bye for now!

OP posts:
Dorisday · 22/08/2001 20:23

well done newdad! you've survived the 1st 2 weeks -i reckon life starts getting more normal at 3 months-it'll be here in no time and then you'll be saying -oh, they aren't babies 2 minutes!by the way glad to here you're sorting the laundry! you are obviously a new man!!

Joe · 23/08/2001 03:11

Good for you newdad, I was certainly grateful for all the help and tlc my husband gave me when our son was born.
When you start venturing out (you may have already) plan a couple of hours in advance. We laugh now at how long it used to take us to go out.
Glad all is OK and you are enjoying your bundle of joy.

Pupuce · 23/08/2001 19:45

Newdad,

My baby arrived the day after I wrote to you... so the 10th... This labour was MUCH faster (5 hours versus 24!)... I did everything to have a non-posterior baby... and it worked.
My labour was easier but my husband said that the memories of the first labour came rushing back to him... he wasn't worried but he felt the pain.
I also have a daughter... she is quite good (probably because we are more relaxed).

Good luck to you and your wife and little Hannah !

Pupuce

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