How did you know that you were ready to start a family?

[LoveInAColdClimate]

Assuming that you actually made a conscious decision to start TTC rather than having a "surprise" pregnancy, how did you decide when you were ready?

DH and I are both almost 30, own our own house with plenty of room for a baby, are very lucky in that we could afford (with a bit of sacrifice) for me to be a SAHM if I wanted to be. We have been having a lot of discussions about when to start TTC.

I feel so differently from day to day over whether we are ready for a baby. Friends' babies make me really broody. Howling babies on the train, however, have the opposite effect. I am so torn between wanting more time with just the two of us (and with plenty of disposable income) and wanting to start our family.

Does everyone feel like this, or did you "just know" it was time to start and have no doubts? Outwardly at least our friends with babies seem to fall into the latter camp, which makes me think that perhaps if I don't feel 100% sure, we should wait until I do. But what if I never feel 100% sure that it's the right time? We definitely want children, and don't want to leave it too late...

How did you know it was right for you?

Thanks in advance.

And , in my case, you hear about so mnay peopel who got pregnant whilst on teh pill you start to think: what if I can't get pregnant? What if (nd I know this is complete bollocks) being on teh pill so long has destroyed my fertility? What if I haven't got pregnant (despite occasionally missing the odd pill) because I can't?!

Trouble is, it's catch 22. You don't know if you can conceive until you actually do - then that's it: 10 months of wafting and waiting, followed by a life of being slave to a particularly tyranical master who apparently only bestows hugs on grandparents.

I didn't really know - was in a similar position in that I was approaching 30, enjoying having some disposal income and DH and I having some independence. But then we just figured that there is never a right time as such, plus I suffer from PCOS so I thought that we would struggle and if we were going to struggle to conceive then I would rather not leave it too long . . .

Am now nearly 34 weeks and it does feel like a good time (that's not to say I don't have plenty of days when I wonder how on earth we're going to cope and whether we're cut out to be parents but I'm sure everyone has moments like that!).

I've never been very broody and not a huge fan of lots of my friends' kids - just hope I get on OK with my own. Eeeek.

puts head round the door< Hiya, am 28 weeks preggers and will be 31 when baby comes along) I think the point at which I realised that I wasn't that bothered about getting hammered on a Friday night anymore! I came off the Depo injection about a year ago after DP and I discussed it and thought everything was right; am in a secure job with good maternity benefits, we have an affordable mortgage, had done some good holidays (like New York for my 30th) and after a roaring good time in our twenties with plenty of late night drinking and clubbing, we had started to enjoy a quieter life without as many hangovers.
Like the previous posters here, my feelings towards crying/shouting kids started to change too.

You guys are making me feel way better about my indecision - thank you! Also, talking about it is helping me see that there probably isn't going to be a day when I wake up and think "ok, today feels like a good day to have a baby, I will rush to the doctors and get my implant removed". I think DH's next summer timescale could work well for us (or at least, be as good as any time would be!).

Thank you all for sharing your stories.

i'm quite a maternal person and dh knows that. we had a conversation on when we would like to start a family and dh said he wasnt sure if he was quite ready for that yet. we discussed his and my fears and lifestyle etc and decided that maybe we would wait a few more years (i was 21 and dh was 27 at the time) the next time we went had sex i went to get a condom (i'm not good on hormonal contraceptives!) and dh stopped me didnt say anything and we carried on. the next morning he said that he thought he would never be 'ready' and his fears would never go he needed a kick up the backside so he wanted to leave it up to nature to decide. 2 years on i'm 29 weeks pregnant with our first.

its a perfect time for us to start a family as dh is getting a pay rise and promotion in october (after qualifying) and life is good.

had we not have started when we did tho we would never have found out about my fertility problems and we'd be looking at another 2 years from now. so it has all worked out for the best in the end.

i was never ready till i had the surprise pg at the age of 30. I asked my friend "How do you know when youre ready to have children?!" and she said "You dont!" and that make all sense to me.

"My hormones started shouting BABY! at me, and we went with it " - lol. Same here. DP is 22, and always wanted them, I'm 23 and wanted them 'at some point in the future' up until last autumn, when that point in the future suddenly and unceremoniously fell on me.

I think for me it was knowing that I was in stable marriage with a man who'd be a great father. I say that with no disrespect to single mums or to those with unsupportive partners - but I knew that I'd not manage alone...

I think I was 11 when I went through puberty and from that moment I wanted a baby. I waited until I was 24 married and owned a home.

I think a lot of people like to take chances and not make a conscious decision to TTC, it is such an enormous decision.

Dp and I agreed in mid twenties that we would not have any children. I do not have a strong maternal urge, and when we discussed TTC, I wasnt particularly excited about having my own little baby.

But... DP's relatives had a get together one night, and I could see how close one particular family was, and started to want that for myself. Combined with a lot of women in my office mid thirties having some fertility issues. I think the thought of having my very own family to make a life with, put a different perspective on it for me, and decided we'd better crack on asap whether we were fully ready or not.

Strangely enough, after having DD, it seems to have trigged off some broody maternal gene which goes mental for newborns and toddlers

I always thought I would be a young mum and have 3 children by the age of about 26 - but that didn't happen. I didn't meet Mr Right and I was living a self-indulgent party girl lifestyle in London and babies couldn't have been further from my reality.

Then I changed my lifestyle, moved to the country - met my man, bought a house together and got married. I am older than him and there was more urgency for me to crack on and have kids than there is for him - but after we got married I wanted to have a period of it just being us and I certainly didn't feel that I desperately wanted a child. Then after a year of marriage I suddently got the urge. I had come off the pill after getting married but we had normally been using condoms (when we remembered) and I half thought I would get pregnant during this period as my thoughts were that the fist time I wasn't careful with birth control - bam! I would be up the duff. This was not the case.

We decided to start TTC as I felt the urge more and more and I was worried about my fertility. I worked out when I was ovulating and we went to work accordingly and 4 months later I was pregnant.

I was 34 when I conceived. I really wanted this baby, although when I became pregnant and the morning sickness kicked in, I had a bit of a wobble - but there is no going back now! I think you just take the plunge - hardly anyone is 100% sure. Life is about risks. You cannot control your fertility and you will probably be fine - but there is no certainty. Think about how you would feel if you were unable to conceive - would it destroy you or would you be OK with it? If you cannot see your life without babies - then maybe you should think about starting TTC within the next year.

i never had an epiphany moment where I felt ready but dp and i discussed it and both felt we'd regret it if we didn't have kids. I also had this pessimistic idea that we would have fertility probs so didn't want to leave it too late (i'm 33, DP 36). something that sealed the deal for me was when we were on holiday in Las Vegas and we just couldn't be bothered to go clubbing. I thought, yep this must mean i'm ready to give up the party lifestyle!! A week later we conceived and are expecting our first in Jan. I still have moments of worrying whether we are ready - we are still in rented accommodation and i work freelance which is pretty insecure, but we'll find a way to manage somehow and have lots of supportive family and friends around us. Its a brand new, exciting adventure!!

A really interesting thread especailly as feels so similar to our very recent conversations at home.

We where very similar to Loveinacoldclimate and had the house, the money, the time and good support network but always felt like we should be waiting for 'something' like maybe a bigger house, another level of promotion at work, bigger car and maybe we should go to Thailand first ect

Then we had a AWOL period and thought that we where and when was confirmed it was a negitive we where both gutted as had started talking about it more and decided what are we really waiting for? Not anything really important and now we have decided that we are TTC we are really excited and really happy x

Never really broody. We married young (24) and by the time we reached 30 probably the best way of putting it is that we had run out of excuses for not having them!! Work with children so knew I would have tham at some point (def no great masterplan though!) Now have DC2 - once again, not broody, but knew I wanted a sibling for DC1, and was fortunate enough to conceive easily again at 35

I don't remember feeling "broody" or cooing over other babies (there just weren't any where we lived or amongst our family&friends).
I kept missing my pill and we went from saying that it wouldn't actually be a problem if I got pregnant to starting to think that it would be quite nice. Dh pointed out that we could just stop taking the pill and so we did. I felt 100% ready then.
If there is one thing we regret it's that we didn't start earlier. We had a "scare" very early on in our relationship and dh said then that it would have made him the happiest man in the world. (good answer I suppose). Then we busied ourselves setting up a company, buying a house etc and looking back we were leading a very empty life. (we met 12 years ago and had dd1 last year, I'm 33).

There is nothing like being a mother, being your own family, having a baby run to you for a cuddle or the look of happiness in your dh's eyes when he is holding his baby.

Update just in case anyone is interested: 6 months on from my opening post here, we are TTC - something seems to have flicked on in my brain and I want a baby more than anything. Was really weird, went from being fond of my friends' babies and feeling broody while cuddling them but finding it hard to imagine myself with my own to wanting nothing more than to have DH's child. Fingers crossed for a BFP soon!

LIACC - very best of luck with everything.

Just stumbled across your thread and ironically, our bambino was conceived the week that you first posted. Ha

I am now 31 weeks and if it makes you feel better, you'll still have some "omg f*ck" moments when pg. I think I am ready to be a mummy, I am excited about meeting my little duff duff that kicks me incessantly. But then have moments on public transport/restuarants/supermarkets when I hear wailing children and wonder what on earth i'm doing.

Keep us posted, hopefully you won't have too long to wait.