Scared of becoming a parent

[KnockedUpMell]

I am now 7 weeks pregnant, and have gone from being absolutely ecstatic and overjoyed when I found out I was pregnant to being terrified about all the changes that will come about. It doesn't help that my bf has a lot of reservations about continuing the pregnancy and feels this isn't the right time (he's just started a new job, and we were hoping to spend a couple of years living together first, and get married etc, before thinking about babies). It was a complete shock as we were using contraception. I'm going to be 30 soon (he's 34), and really confused! Part of me is really happy about this, and thinks maybe it was fate, and can't wait to see what our little baby is going to look like, and part of me is wondering that maybe the bf is right, and we should spend a couple of years just enjoying our freedom a little more and then think about the baby...I think I would regret having a termination (which is what he is keen on), but at the same time the thought of all these changes if we continued the pregnancy terrifies me! The bf says he will support me even if I decide to continue the pregnancy so I won't be going it alone. Any advice??

Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better about it all Mell .

Thanks pioneer, it really helped to hear about how you are able to still go travelling even with a 2 y.o. I guess it'll all be about our approach to looking after the baby, and whether we are able to take things in our stride, or let things overwhelm us! And I'm starting to look at things as a new beginning rather than a loss of the way things are at the moment. It's been really good to let it out and hear about everyone else's experiences.

Hey knockedupmell glad to hear you're feeling better about things today. How is your DP? Another person mentioned on here that men are so SLOW to get their heads around stuff like this. Don't panic if he doesn't respond positively for a while. In a few weeks, he'll probably be the one helping you feel better about things.

And if you ever need people to talk to, get onto MN; it's an absolute wealth of knowledge and experience. If you're feeling it; chances are pretty much all of us either have felt it, or are currently feeling it!

Latest update- I went to the hospital today to get an early scan (I'm 7w 5D, and the LO is fine), and it turns out that I also happen to have a couple of fibroids that I wasn't aware of, and although it shouldn't be a big deal for this pregnancy, it may have implications for the future as they can be associated with infertility and miscarriage... I think any doubts I had about continuing the pregnancy have been completely put to rest, and I am so glad I listened to my initial instincts and didn't let myself be persuaded to go to a clinic for a termination like the DP initially wanted. I never thought I would be so glad to find out there was something wrong with me, but when they mentioned fibroids, a weight was really lifted off me, and it became clear what I should do.

jazziejeff it's little steps with the DP-
I'm now trying to get him to come round to the idea of a shotgun wedding before LO makes an appearance! Was considering hiring a gun salute for the wedding to emphasise the 'shotgun' effect, but alas they seem to be reserved for royal occasions. Any other wacky ideas welcome. Haven't got a clue what to do about bloody dresses and fittings...

Haha! Shotgun wedding eh?! Don't feel like you have to knockedupmell, as long as you both have adequate life insurance etc...

But if you're bothered about it, why not just go along to the registry office and do it just the two of you, and then have a meal out with your family afterwards and renew your vows next year on your first wedding anniversary in front of everyone when you've had a chance to settle down? Just a thought.

See, it's karma - you were meant to get pregnant now .

What are his thoughts on the marriage aspect? Had you discussed it before the pregnancy?

A quiet wedding is certainly one idea I'm considering, but was also thinking that this will be our last big party to have with all our friends and family before LO arrives...

I guess weddings are meant to be memorable, and I can just imagine the pictures in years to come of me in my wedding dress with the bump showing. I think it will be a real laugh to have an actual shotgun wedding (yes I know, I have a strange sense of humour), and one that none of us will forget for a while! This LO has already turned our lives upside down, and I feel we ought to really celebrate that.

pioneer yes it's fate!

The sonographer (also a close friend) was laughing when I explained why I was so pleased to be told I had fibroids.

We were definitely thinking marriage, but he comes from a traditional asian family and it was going to be a complicated affair abroad with extended family etc... there's no way we're going to be able to organise that now (plus organise a house move) before LO arrives, so it'll have to be a civil ceremony +/- reception here for mainly friends and some family this year. And we will probably consider having a proper wedding later on next year / at some point in the future...